Diary of a 30-something idiot

MFWannabe

MeandO said:

We are all rooting for you Fox, but there is no magic wand. The only way you are ever going to be able to work with a realistic monthly budget is to either have more income - ie. your husband gets a job, or not to be paying for up to 6 extra people other than you and Mini Fox. Even with an extra £300 a month, it's not sustainable. 

My mortgage is over £400 a month, so more than your debt repayments. I manage fine on my own and can afford to put money into savings too on not much more than you are earning a month. I have also done it on less. My son and I also have lots of fun, make memories and go on budgeted for trips just like you and your daughter could be doing if you weren't propping up a work shy husband and his 5 offspring. £300 a month will disappear and will not pay for the wonderful life you envisage for your child.
I also get a small universal credit payment which helps and I am very grateful for. You are also entitled to this, probably much more than me, but won't claim because your husband doesn't want to. He would rather you face the burden alone. Does this not say a lot?
You can sell your house and move another 5 times, it will still never be enough to pay for 6 extra people who bring nothing in and you will end up with nothing for you and your daughter. I'm sorry if this sounds tough, but you need to draw a line before you lose everything. 

Absolutely this 💯 

mumtoomany

Hi, @foxandflowers, how are you. I've just done a quick check on entitled too. Putting on the basic details of what we know if you, one child in primary school, partner not working, your wage from previous post. You can claim universal credit in your own right. You should receive around £280 per month. Add to that you can claim some of your other half's tax allowance, another £20 ish a month and you nearly have the money you need extra. On top of that if you are claiming UC, you may be entitled to other help. Lift and wall insulation, new boiler, solar panels. Hope this helps, mumtoomany.xxx

MFWannabe

foxandflowers said:

"Re your prediction that you would be £350 per month better off and could put the money in savings pots the reality is that you would need that £350 per month for your day to day living expenses as you currently don’t have a realistic or achievable budget in place and are currently short every month anyway. "

This is precisely the point I was trying to make, only I didn't put it into the right words. I am paying about £300 a month in debt repayments currently, and the bills on the house I am considering are cheaper (council tax alone = £700 per year). I am falling short on my monthly budget each time, and as I am unsure what the long term is going to be, it makes sense to me to plan based off what my personal income is. The house we are in now is more expensive to run than the last house, and I underestimated how much work was needed, or how much it would cost to do that work. Let alone the impending knowledge that the roof we have is not going to last more than 5 years. 

Also, have been thinking and realistically as far as assets go - I have a house worth £200k. I have £42k of debt. So therefore I have £158k of assets? So regardless of if I move or not, I'm in the same position if I had to offer my accounting up before Finance Jesus today. Only one of those positions would entitle me to be debt free. 

And yes, I am looking for a quick fix, because before I know it my child will be grown up, and gone, and I will STILL be paying off debt and struggling. And I don't want to live my life like that. It is so so so boring and soul crushing to just be existing from day to day. And I know it's my fault because I got us here to begin with. But if someone handed you a magic wand, you'd be tempted to wave it, no? 

Potentially losing the roof over your head is not a magic wand 
There isn’t any way in this world I would ever risk losing my home especially if I didn’t owe any money on it 
You need to set a realistic budget based on everything as it is now, not the future and everything that is not essential goes! No ifs and buts it’s out! PlayStation, Netflix are not essential, why are you paying for them? Why are you spending so much on mobiles? Are they out on contract yet? 

What’s happened reference the car/ van being sold? 

MFWannabe

mumtoomany said:

Hi, @foxandflowers, how are you. I've just done a quick check on entitled too. Putting on the basic details of what we know if you, one child in primary school, partner not working, your wage from previous post. You can claim universal credit in your own right. You should receive around £280 per month. Add to that you can claim some of your other half's tax allowance, another £20 ish a month and you nearly have the money you need extra. On top of that if you are claiming UC, you may be entitled to other help. Lift and wall insulation, new boiler, solar panels. Hope this helps, mumtoomany.xxx

Wow that’s a huge amount of money for fandf

stymied

I'm worried about stamp duty, solicitor fees, space for WFH and upheaval for Mini Fox x

millymolly22

Completely agree with @Meano.  Our family has lived on less than you have coming in each month and until you learn to live within your income nothing will be solved.  You say you will be 300 a month with your debts paid off up, but that equates to 60/70 a week and that will soon disappear with all your plans for when you are debt free.
An earlier comment was that you were intending to buy a three bed home to accommodate your step children at weekends.  Again this isn't your responsibility.  If DH doesn't contribute to the household then why should you pay for an extra bedroom. Also I am sure the kids are teenagers.  Once they hit 14/15 they won't want to be coming every weekend to stay they will be making their own lives in the area they live in.
You seem to be looking for a quick resolution but taking into account the costs of moving it feels like you are jumping from the frying pan into the fire.

sarah_diamond

Fox is in Wales so SDLT isn't payable below £225000.

Fox, I'm in Cardiff and a couple of years older than you I think from past comments. I hope you don't mind me commenting and feel free to ignore everything I say as I'm just a stranger on the interweb...

I think you're doing a great job trying to hold everything together but I must admit I don't think selling your house is the way to go. It's hard as hell thinking this will be life for the next 20+ years to sort out your debt but I think you're hoping for a quick win. What worries me is that even if you cleared everything, there's still a chance you could overspend in the next couple of years and then be back in debt. Changing mindsets and habits will help you, not selling the house to bail yourself out.

If you can get a handle on things now, it'll sort itself out in the medium to long term by which time the stepkids might not need so much and then MiniFox will reap the benefits. Once you've got the budget sorted and you can make the payments, as debts reduce so you can throw more money at debts and snowball them to try and bring the debt-free date sooner. It strikes me that you're focusing on the negative long term debt-free date and wanting it over sooner, it's a bit like over-paying a mortgage, pay what you can, chuck some more at it and reduce it over time.

Good luck!

SuzeQStan

Fox I’ve been thinking about you ever since you announced selling up again.

 Like the others say, you have to find a way to live within your budget.

What are you going to do when the house is gone and you cannot afford another - live in the van? 

What would your family say if they were still here to see what had happened to the inheritance they left?  I’m sure they would be devastated to see their beloved daughter struggling like this. 

Please please think again - do not lose everything! (And yes I’m not just talking about money)

dawnybabes

If you claimed UC then that is the £300 a month you think you need without diluting your asset.  It also as someone says can open the door for other benefits.  Please please sit down and put your figures with and without Mr Fox.  He isn’t helping - this is money as a family you are entitled to (and desperately need) why is he so against it ? If you can unpick this you might get a solution. 

foxgloves

@foxandflowers - A little while ago, someone one here (sorry I can't remember who) asked you a really interesting question as to whether you had ever been in a situation where you earned an income & lived solely within it. I think you said you had thought about this, & no, you had not. It sounds as though you initially had help from your Mum while you were a student (I did too, as I was very spendy back then & was ever-grateful for any financial help, though I still wasn't to have my LBM for over 20 years!) then had various lump sums ranging from inheritance to profit made downsizing houses. I think this is quite unusual for someone of your age never to have had simply their own earned (+ any benefits elligible) income on which to live & I think this maybe the source of some of your financial problems. I think you have been able to deal with growing levels of debt from these lump sums & become a little dependent on these as a means of solving your financial problems. The big problem here is that lump sums create a very artificial situation. They give an illusion of greater affluence & with your self-declared impulsiveness, are quickly spent, & nothing really moves on in terms of your ability to budget or live off your income. As others have said, the move to your current house was supposed to make your everyday financial situation easier & the profit was to be saved to create a really good emergency fund for your & your child's security. Instead it seems that nothing really changed, you have no money left (& that is a lot of money to burn through) & are now contemplating a rinse & repeat on a similar plan. 
I want nothing more for you than to be able to find a way successfully to manage your finances  - your longing to be debt-free shines though in every post & you have a very engaging writing style. We all want you to succeed, but I am adding my voice to all the others who are clearly worried that you are going to end up in a far more precarious position. If you downsize to a terrace & bank a bit of money, I don't doubt that your intention would be to put it into various pots, but all the pots in the world won't work when you don't have sufficient income coming into you household to pay for all of the essentials. As to future plans for all these lifestyle things you could be doing with mini-fox, it is simply a chimera when you are regularly posting that it is barely one week into a new month & you already won't have enough food money to get to next pay-day. I won't dwell on the fact that there isn't enough money coming in but this is also a big factor. You've done well to get a better paid role & it sounds as though there will be pay-rises, but as someone who worked in the public sector for many years, they won't be huge & when you take into account tax, NI, etc, you really need to pull back from what might be & concentrate on your finances as they are right now. A realistic budget is the only way you are going to do this. As all us latecomers to budgeting soon find out, you can type any numbers into a spreadsheet, but if there are insufficient sums in the essentials, then they might as well be magic unicorn beans. Please think very carefully, don't rush into any decisions. If you downsize to a small house, what happens when you need another cash injection? You would then be looking at taking out a mortgage - I think you might actually be unlikely to get one with your level of debt - & in any case, having those additional monthly payments when you are currently mortgage-free really would be a retrograde step. I think the evidence is that any money you freed up by downsizing at this point would simply be swallowed up/frittered very swiftly as we could sadly see happening with your last house move.
I feel so sad that you will think everyone, including me, is having a 'go' at you. I honestly don't mean to cause you any upset. I would just hate to see you land in a worse position.
Take care, we ARE all bothered about you, fox.
F x