Diary of a 30-something idiot

mybestattempt

Kim_13 said:

On the comments about a future without Mr Fox, I don't think that would be the great thing that some think. They are married, so unless there was a prenup (which even if there was, I believe there are question marks over whether they are legally enforceable) the starting point would be another 50% of her inheritance on the line. I'm sure she'd get more than 50% and not have to sell the house until Mini Fox was 18, but he would still get something. He can only win in a divorce situation and Fox can only lose, sadly.

I think when this thread was started they had only been married for one year, so now still less than three years.

I understand when the marriage is short any financial settlement on divorce would be to return each spouse, as far as possible, to the position before the marriage.

Given the husband brought nothing and has contributed nothing but debt I would expect him to leave with nothing.

This is the first time I've commented as I've never before had anything to add to the enormous support and excellent advice so many others have and continue to give.

It is exhausting, both mentally and physically, to stay in a marriage where you have all the responsibility but no control, I hope things change.

Baileys_Babe

Scouts/cubs/beavers/squirrels are also run by volunteers and costs reflect this.

enthusiasticsaver

I would exercise caution on splashing out yet again on moving costs in the hope of cashing out even more equity from the house.  At some point this mortgage free asset which should have given you a great advantage is going to be worth so much less than the original house you had. The last move was supposed to sort out your finances but instead of paying the debt and getting your finances on an even keel  you have ended up spending a fortune on the house so all the money is gone, no debt was repaid and the danger is that will happen with any future house move. What is the £350 a month you think you will gain from moving? 

The lifestyle you had as a child was most probably down to your mum budgeting, saving and not borrowing. I assume after your Dad died the mortgage was paid off so if your mum was good with money she was able to give you the lifestyle you crave.  However she was not supporting a non earning spouse (assuming your Dad worked?), two stepsons or have £47k debt to service. 

Purplelady65

I would also advise caution against making an impulsive house move. Each time you move you are trading downwards instead of upwards and if this pattern of behaviour continues you will end up with no assets at all which would be a great shame after having such a significant inheritance to start off with. Re your prediction that you would be £350 per month better off and could put the money in savings pots the reality is that you would need that £350 per month for your day to day living expenses as you currently don’t have a realistic or achievable budget in place and are currently short every month anyway. Sadly I think you are looking for quick fixes to escape the reality of the situation you are in. Unfortunately the only way really is to try and increase income, reduce spending and plod on chipping away at the debts which I get it doesn’t sound a very exciting life based on the aspirations you’ve described in your posts and will be why a quick fix is so appealing to you. 

foxandflowers

"Re your prediction that you would be £350 per month better off and could put the money in savings pots the reality is that you would need that £350 per month for your day to day living expenses as you currently don’t have a realistic or achievable budget in place and are currently short every month anyway. "

This is precisely the point I was trying to make, only I didn't put it into the right words. I am paying about £300 a month in debt repayments currently, and the bills on the house I am considering are cheaper (council tax alone = £700 per year). I am falling short on my monthly budget each time, and as I am unsure what the long term is going to be, it makes sense to me to plan based off what my personal income is. The house we are in now is more expensive to run than the last house, and I underestimated how much work was needed, or how much it would cost to do that work. Let alone the impending knowledge that the roof we have is not going to last more than 5 years. 

Also, have been thinking and realistically as far as assets go - I have a house worth £200k. I have £42k of debt. So therefore I have £158k of assets? So regardless of if I move or not, I'm in the same position if I had to offer my accounting up before Finance Jesus today. Only one of those positions would entitle me to be debt free. 

And yes, I am looking for a quick fix, because before I know it my child will be grown up, and gone, and I will STILL be paying off debt and struggling. And I don't want to live my life like that. It is so so so boring and soul crushing to just be existing from day to day. And I know it's my fault because I got us here to begin with. But if someone handed you a magic wand, you'd be tempted to wave it, no? 

lucielle

Hi Fox. I don’t think it’s your fault at all, regarding the position you’re in. You have been the glue that holds everything together but things need to change. I think the only fault is trying to please everyone and the inability to say ‘no’ I can’t afford it. There is no harm in saying no, in fact it’s possibly a lesson the whole family needs to learn that the money only stretches so far. 

L

lillypoo

But fox you waved the magic wand before the move to this house and it didn't work . As several of us said ..please gp back to last year's diary entries and look at all the things you were going to do with excess money from this move. 

uralmaid

That's my point lillypoo.  Money from your inheritance and your house is just draining away. A quick fix would be good but not realistic.  I can appreciate how hard it must be for you, and you want to do the right things but unless you face this head on you are heading for perpetual disaster which none of us want to see.  At the moment everything reads like "what if's?"  You need to deal in cold hard facts and the here and now.   For the past while you seem to just lurch from one crisis to another and it is affecting your health and well being.  

dreaming

You say you have a "house worth £200k" - but you don't actually know this. I think you will say that that is the reason you are having it valued (i.e. to find out what it is worth) but even if an estate agent gives you that "value" there is a distinct possibility that you could get considerably less than that as many people are still concerned by mortgage rates and worries about the forthcoming General Election. I also see that you say by moving you could potentially save £700 per year on council tax alone but this equates to about £14 a week and you could easily save that by being more mindful in your spending. I understand that the thought of paying off debt for 48 years must be overwhelming (I don't know as I've never been in debt other than a mortgage) but if I were in your position I would concentrate on setting a proper budget (i.e. based on reality, not hopes and dreams). However, I'm not you and I have a feeling that you will rush ahead with what the majority of people judge to be a foolish decision (in the same way that many counselled against moving house the last time) you will soon be running out of options. Please don't do this. 

MeandO

We are all rooting for you Fox, but there is no magic wand. The only way you are ever going to be able to work with a realistic monthly budget is to either have more income - ie. your husband gets a job, or not to be paying for up to 6 extra people other than you and Mini Fox. Even with an extra £300 a month, it's not sustainable. 

My mortgage is over £400 a month, so more than your debt repayments. I manage fine on my own and can afford to put money into savings too on not much more than you are earning a month. I have also done it on less. My son and I also have lots of fun, make memories and go on budgeted for trips just like you and your daughter could be doing if you weren't propping up a work shy husband and his 5 offspring. £300 a month will disappear and will not pay for the wonderful life you envisage for your child.
I also get a small universal credit payment which helps and I am very grateful for. You are also entitled to this, probably much more than me, but won't claim because your husband doesn't want to. He would rather you face the burden alone. Does this not say a lot?
You can sell your house and move another 5 times, it will still never be enough to pay for 6 extra people who bring nothing in and you will end up with nothing for you and your daughter. I'm sorry if this sounds tough, but you need to draw a line before you lose everything.