total debt 20-01-23: £37,665 14-03-23: £38,610.60
Debt payments made: £211.50
Diary of a 30-something idiot
foxandflowers
Forumite 61 Posts
Hi everyone,
I've been lurking on MSE for a LONG time desperately trying to ping my reluctant brain into some form of lightbulb mode. My life is imploding around me and my ADHD brain is constantly seeking dopamine and for years that has been through the form of impulse purchases, which obviously has caused me some huge issues.
I have just been offered an actual adult job with the local council, and in an effort to try and make my life worth living, whilst supporting my family on one income, I have decided to come clean about my myriad disasters and hope that you can all keep me accountable.
I was previously working in sales, and living WAY above and beyond my means. I'm sure we've all been there.... I've had a bad day = takeaway! I've had a good day = takeaway! I've worked really hard today = takeaway! Or alternatively, replace takeaway with suspiciously rustling bag from the charity shop, where it doesn't count as spending money because it's a bargain!
Anyway, I woke up £106 overdrawn (with no overdraft facility!) and four credit cards that are maxed out. And decided today was the day to actually face up to my irresponsibility, and try and figure out where I am actually going wrong.
I downloaded an expense tracker, plugged in every single thing I've spent money on from the 1st October - now, categorised it all, and now I want to cry. I'm so ashamed at my own foolishness and stupidity. I have managed to spend, roughly,
£732 on utilities and priority bills
£685 on fuel (a large contributor of this was that my job was far enough away that my husband was doing 450 miles a week to get me there and back - I hope this comes down this month!!)
£677 on..... Arg*s and Amaz*n.... I have no idea on what really. This is where the dopamine receptors kicked in and ruined things.
£431 on food shopping (reasonable, I think. We are a family of 3 during the week and 5 on weekends).
£414 on takeaways and eating out and buying lunch at work... absolutely NOT reasonable
£380 to my husband for.... I'm not sure what?
£279 in debt repayments
£258 in subscriptions (two were yearly prices so hopefully again this is lower)
£188 on clothes??? HOW??
£162 on the dogs, one of which is fed raw and the other one is 14 years old so needs special food
£92 on afterschool club and school lunches
£81.17 on vaping (I quit this morning, my husband has not) AAAAAAAND
£61.41 on miscellaneous hobbies and stupid Apple subscriptions that I DO NOT NEED.
ALL FOR A GRAND TOTAL OF £4448.00 WHICH WOULD HAVE PAID OFF THREE OF MY BLOODY CREDIT CARDS. I AM SO ANNOYED AT MYSELF. AND I KEEP MOANING THAT I HAVE NO MONEY. AND I SOLD MY CAR AND NOW I'VE WASTED ALL THE MONEY I HAD FROM SELLING MY CAR. ARRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHH.
Okay so going forward, a realistic budget and a NO SPEND MONTH should look like this:
£750 BILLS
£400 FUEL
£400 FOOD SHOPPING
£300 DEBT REPAYMENTS
£100 SUBSCRIPTIONS
£150 DOGS
£100 AFTER SCHOOL CLUB
£40 VAPING
Maybe, give or take. I guess I will see what happens when I update my budget tracker thing.
I also owe the electrician £500 and the sewage company £710....
And have been borrowing off my friend to make ends meet so she needs paying back ASAP too.
Basically I am a terrible person.
I'm going to go and look at the direct debits and see what I can come up with as step ONE for sorting this mess out.
I've been lurking on MSE for a LONG time desperately trying to ping my reluctant brain into some form of lightbulb mode. My life is imploding around me and my ADHD brain is constantly seeking dopamine and for years that has been through the form of impulse purchases, which obviously has caused me some huge issues.
I have just been offered an actual adult job with the local council, and in an effort to try and make my life worth living, whilst supporting my family on one income, I have decided to come clean about my myriad disasters and hope that you can all keep me accountable.
I was previously working in sales, and living WAY above and beyond my means. I'm sure we've all been there.... I've had a bad day = takeaway! I've had a good day = takeaway! I've worked really hard today = takeaway! Or alternatively, replace takeaway with suspiciously rustling bag from the charity shop, where it doesn't count as spending money because it's a bargain!
Anyway, I woke up £106 overdrawn (with no overdraft facility!) and four credit cards that are maxed out. And decided today was the day to actually face up to my irresponsibility, and try and figure out where I am actually going wrong.
I downloaded an expense tracker, plugged in every single thing I've spent money on from the 1st October - now, categorised it all, and now I want to cry. I'm so ashamed at my own foolishness and stupidity. I have managed to spend, roughly,
£732 on utilities and priority bills
£685 on fuel (a large contributor of this was that my job was far enough away that my husband was doing 450 miles a week to get me there and back - I hope this comes down this month!!)
£677 on..... Arg*s and Amaz*n.... I have no idea on what really. This is where the dopamine receptors kicked in and ruined things.
£431 on food shopping (reasonable, I think. We are a family of 3 during the week and 5 on weekends).
£414 on takeaways and eating out and buying lunch at work... absolutely NOT reasonable
£380 to my husband for.... I'm not sure what?
£279 in debt repayments
£258 in subscriptions (two were yearly prices so hopefully again this is lower)
£188 on clothes??? HOW??
£162 on the dogs, one of which is fed raw and the other one is 14 years old so needs special food
£92 on afterschool club and school lunches
£81.17 on vaping (I quit this morning, my husband has not) AAAAAAAND
£61.41 on miscellaneous hobbies and stupid Apple subscriptions that I DO NOT NEED.
ALL FOR A GRAND TOTAL OF £4448.00 WHICH WOULD HAVE PAID OFF THREE OF MY BLOODY CREDIT CARDS. I AM SO ANNOYED AT MYSELF. AND I KEEP MOANING THAT I HAVE NO MONEY. AND I SOLD MY CAR AND NOW I'VE WASTED ALL THE MONEY I HAD FROM SELLING MY CAR. ARRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHH.
Okay so going forward, a realistic budget and a NO SPEND MONTH should look like this:
£750 BILLS
£400 FUEL
£400 FOOD SHOPPING
£300 DEBT REPAYMENTS
£100 SUBSCRIPTIONS
£150 DOGS
£100 AFTER SCHOOL CLUB
£40 VAPING
Maybe, give or take. I guess I will see what happens when I update my budget tracker thing.
I also owe the electrician £500 and the sewage company £710....
And have been borrowing off my friend to make ends meet so she needs paying back ASAP too.
Basically I am a terrible person.
I'm going to go and look at the direct debits and see what I can come up with as step ONE for sorting this mess out.
1
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Replies
You have taken the most important step of realising there's a problem and committing to dealing with it, so you get a BIG gold star for that.
Keep that spending awareness going and you will soon see those debts come down.
Good luck!
My debt-free diary: Go your own way
Save £12k in 2023 #20 £1,705.52/£12,000It's so so easy to slip into the habit of one-click online orders and tempting takeaways. I was particularly bad for this during lockdown/Covid and I've found it such a difficult habit to break.
It's great that you're taking control and you have a plan - good luck with your debt-free journey!
I appear to have had all the best intentions as per usual, and then deserted this diary. Oops.
Anyway, here I am again.
Full floodlight stadium lightbulb has gone off. And I actually sat down last night and added up all my income and expenditure, and then all my debts, and it was absolutely HORRIFIC. I have had my head firmly in the sand for the last two months, working on the basis that if I ignored the problem it would go away.
The problem has not gone away, in fact it has multiplied expotentially. And now I am in real danger of everything blowing up in my face.
My proper adult job didn't materialise a start date until the beginning of January, so I had to rob Peter to pay Paul, while stiffing Percy along the way. My debts are going up and up, and so are my outgoings because of the debt payments. So it's time for a real reality check, and I'm going to post up an SOA, which I'm sure will get me torn apart. But it's no good hiding from this any more, and if I'm not honest with myself, nothing will be fixed.
We have six kids between us (two are almost adult and three are part-time, and one full time), have been married almost a year, and have a huge dog, a small dog & a hamster.
SOA incoming. Thanks for putting up with me.
Debt payments made: £211.50
Sometimes we have to wait for the flicker to go to floodlights
Looking forward to the SOA and your journey
I've been there done that, worn the t-shirt at least 4 times with debts up to 30k ish at one point, never learnt so I guess I'm an idiot, more shameful is the fact I'm an accountant!!!!
We are all products of our childhood, marriages, adult lives and experiences so no censure
Stay bold and brave, you got this
Chimney Sweep............100........0........
Debt payments made: £211.50
a) pawning my jewelry at lunch to get food and fuel for the weekend because we have the kids and while I don't mind not eating, the kids need feeding. i also need to pay £30 to afterschool club by sunday.
and b) phoning stepchange and adding everything I can to that. although they probably won't take me for a DMP unless I fudge the figures slightly, and I can't go down the IVA/bankruptcy route because I work in finance... THE IRONY.
I will use this weekend to see what I have left to sell. I already sold all my extra electronics to get Christmas presents for the kids. But there has to be something left I can sell. I'll put the contents of my admittedly not fantastic wardrobe on Fleabay, and hopefully that will get me another £100 until payday next friday. I have a woman coming to buy a dining table tonight or tomorrow for £60.
I just really really need someone to tell me it will be okay.
Debt payments made: £211.50