Diary of a 30-something idiot

mumtoomany

Hi, @foxandflowers. Just read your diary, I don't often post on this part of the forum, I normally "live" in the old style section. You might want to take a look over there.

Advice.
1: Breathe! All your debt as far as I can see, is consumer debt. If you have no money don't pay it. If you ask for advice on the main debt free wannabe part, they will say the same. 
2. Save an emergency fund before you pay back any more debt. Don't restart your stepchange plan until you have it in place.
3. Look into going self managed for your DMP.
4. You CAN put an offer in on the house you want. The last four houses we've bought, we offered before we even put our house on the market. We had the offer accepted straight away on three of them. (I'm guessing you're in England or Wales, I don't know if Scotland, NI are different). Offer low, house prices are falling.
5. Go through the fridge, freezer and cupboards. Use up everything. Save some grocery money this month, while money is so tight.
6. Put the kettle on, and breathe again. The debt is only money, it will be OK in the end.

Hugs, mumtoomany.xxx

SueP19

Totally agree with @mumtoomany

I did a self DMP far easier to do than you expect and you put you first plus no waiting, start budgeting now then emailing and calling etc.
Getting that EF in place really is the key

Stress, let it go, it clouds your judgement and can seriously interfere with your budget 

foxandflowers

Morning everyone. 

Have had a very hectic couple of days, and ended up working from home for the first time yesterday which was very nice, but only came about because my dog escaped on Wednesday and got onto the road. 

My daughter's school is closed next Wednesday because of the strikes, so I will be working from home then as well. I suppose it saves £6 on the after school club fee. 

I got paid this morning - yay! I was down £300 - not yay! So, I've been shuffling the bills around. 

I don't have to pay the TV license this month because it's quarterly so it was paid at the end of last month. I filled the fuel up in the van and it cost £42 so that's been since Monday. Which is appalling. The van GUZZLES. But it's the only vehicle we have that runs. So I can't reduce the fuel budget yet. 

Mercedes have messaged me asking if they have authorisation to go ahead on the repair and I'm too scared to have to ring them and say the warranty claim was declined. And I'm too scared to ring the warranty people and argue my case because I don't know enough to know if I can claim. 

And because apparently I stuck my head in the sand, at 3am I ordered two dresses and a pair of dungarees on V*nted for £85 (would have been £180 if bought new), because all of my clothes are from not working for the last few years in a professional job, and therefore nothing fits properly, all my jeans are ripped, and I've been wearing the only two decent dresses I have on repeat and I have got used to how pretty they make me feel, and now I hate all my other clothes. So my plan for this weekend is going to be to list everything that is surplus to requirement on the same site, and try and make my money back/make more money. I'm feeling really guilty about it. But equally, I now work in a serious job, where I have to interact with service users, and I have to not look like a feral wombat.

I have to do a food shop tonight. I've been reading TOPM's diary, and Hypno's while at work. They're inspiring in their own way. TOPM made me realise I really need to step up my parenting game and disengage my daughter from screens. And Hypno has made me think about how much more I could do to be earning money. I have loads of things, and I'd rather have money than things at this point. 

I appreciate both points about managing my own DMP, but I think with my ADHD, the best thing for me is to have one set payment that is dealt with for me. I'm just not as organised as I want to be. And I don't know how to get to a point where I am organised enough. 

I've got someone coming to view the house at 10.30am tomorrow, so once I finish work, it will be a mad dash to Leedl, then home to cook and clean while DH copes with three of the kids. I cannot wait for the house to sell, so the boys can have their own room. But this is another point of contention, because DH wants to live closer to his kids, but not closer to my daughter's dad (who is an absolute Moby), but I still need to be able to get to and from work, preferably on public transport. So essentially, one of us is going to have to give on this issue. And given that the house is in my name, and I'm the one in full time employment, I'm loathe for it to be me. But I also understand how important it is to be closer to the kids. I just want to find somewhere in between, where at least the fuel costs won't be so awful any more. 

I have a lot to think about. 

foxandflowers

PS. I paid £46.50 off my BIP this morning. The first payment of a long long long long road ahead. 

foxandflowers

Morning. 

Got two people coming to view the house this morning. Have paid another £50 off the electrician, making £71 off my debts this month. That’s pathetic.

And then I sat down and worked out how much better off I’d be if it was just me and my daughter. And with the bills I pay out to keep DH and the step kids fed and watered and fuelled up and generally sated, not to mention the UC claim I can’t do because he won’t sign on, I’d be about £1000 a month better off which would basically instantly solve all my problems. So now I’m even more miserable than I was. 

sunshine_raincloud

Hello. Please try not to be so hard on yourself! You are making lots of positive changes to try to improve the situation you are in and it will get better. Paying £71 off is a great start, to be honest I think even just not adding to debt is a huge achievement when you have so many things going on at the moment. It definitely sounds like you need to have a conversation with your husband so that you feel like you aren't tackling all of this alone, and to come up with ways that he can contribute- you mentioned part time work or selling things on ebay. I think both of those would be really helpful, even if they contribute very small amounts. If you are entitled to benefits but your husband won't apply for them then I really think you need to discuss that again as well. Great news on having so many viewings for the house, I hope you get an offer soon. Things will gradually get easier! Take care of yourself. 

gwynlas

Obviously your house is your biggest asset. Is it  looking at its best? Have you decluttered, depersonalised and de dogged so that it smells clean and fresh?. Are there small jobs that can be done to make things look better? Could your husband play tetris again to  place everyday crap in the van out of sight? If your husband is not claining benefits than there is nothing to stop him setting himself up to do odd jobs that might not require a tradesman skills.

WinterWarrior

foxandflowers said:

Morning. 

Got two people coming to view the house this morning. Have paid another £50 off the electrician, making £71 off my debts this month. That’s pathetic.

And then I sat down and worked out how much better off I’d be if it was just me and my daughter. And with the bills I pay out to keep DH and the step kids fed and watered and fuelled up and generally sated, not to mention the UC claim I can’t do because he won’t sign on, I’d be about £1000 a month better off which would basically instantly solve all my problems. So now I’m even more miserable than I was. 

Any paying down is good. It’s not pathetic, it’s just hard and you are improving your situation slowly, but surely. 

Does your DH understand the impact he is having on your household expenses? I think it needs a serious conversation about him helping financially. Whether that is claiming benefits in the short term or instantly grabbing a low skilled job to put him on, it seems something needs to give there. It’s hard to have that conversation, but it shouldn’t just be on your shoulders. 

Humdinger1

@foxandflowers have subscribed and am loving your diary.  May I say, right here and now, that you are not an idiot; far from it.  Without wanting to be rude, we might think differently of your DH.  Please tell me to mind my own business, but your above calculations suggest that you're pondering whether to stay.  We're all here for you and many of us have been in this situation and have come out the other side with vastly improved resilience and a realistic plan.   Onwards and upwards love Humdinger xx 

SueP19

Morning

£71 is way better than my £0 this month......just parking that for you to ponder on 🤣

On your OH good luck, mine has cptsd and it's horrid, unless you've experienced it difficult to understand, what you decide we will all support you