Diary of a 30-something idiot

kazwookie

Is selling your house at this time the right thing to do? it is YOUR asset, in your name. Plus you are pondering about your OH and stepkids.

Personally I would stay put, and start issuing 'directives' to OH to pull his finger out, you simply cannot carry on providing for him and step kids, he need to get a job / sign on etc. Start serving small meals, etc

You are doing great guns in your actions, I wish you best of luck.

Humdinger1

@foxandflowers yes I'm sorry if there's some background here I'm not understanding and I'm coming across as as harsh and judgmental; not my intention at all.  There needs to be some consideration of you in all this.  We're all here and rooting for you love Humdinger xx 

foxandflowers

Hi everyone, 

Wow, that was a lot of comments to come back to. Welcome to my small corner of the internet. 

First things first. I decided to have a clear out on Sunday and listed about 30 things on V*nted, two of which have sold so I will be posting those on my lunchbreak to the tune of an extra £8. Which does go some way towards mitigating the dungaree impulse purchase. Well, I mean 10% of the way. But hopefully the rest of the stuff sells, and hubby has agreed to list ALL of his clothes that are too large. So I am feeling slightly more positive about that, because I am having the doubly good feeling of making money/reducing debt by not having to borrow off people because I've sold things to get the food and fuel this month & the decluttering aspect. My wardrobe looks horribly bare, but it's quite nice too because I wear mostly the same things anyway. 

I had a talk with DH yesterday as well regarding the finances. I told him that it was going to be a very tight month, and we were just going to have to suck it up and do our best to manage. Our first wedding anniversary is in a few weeks, and I really want us to be at least on the same page by then. It's been a really tough year for both of us. I don't want to make excuses for him, because I am fully aware he could be doing more than he is doing. What I will say is that he has pretty severe unmedicated ADHD, and has been sober for nearly three months, which quite frankly is an absolute miracle, so I'm wary of pushing things at the moment and causing a slip backwards. The reliance on alcohol has been a major issue for us, and I am really proud of him for stopping. 

Regarding the house... yes unfortunately it does have to be sold. It is too remote, and the lack of public transport/reliance on DH driving me everywhere, plus fuel costs, is killing me slowly. There is limited things to do, and  The viewing on Saturday actually went very positively, the second couple loved the house and want to put an offer in, but theirs has only just gone on the market, so they need to get an offer in on theirs first. I know the area I want to move to, and I've made it pretty clear this weekend that that is where I will be looking, as it is, as you have mentioned to me, in my name and therefore my asset. The area is commutable to my job, and has plenty for the kids to do, as well as local shops. I'm hoping to buy somewhere considerably cheaper than I'm selling for, although that will come with it's own problems, because it will need renovations. But I just want to feel like we are heading in the right direction, and having a house in the countryside... it just isn't the right time for us. 

Four more weeks until payday, and we will be subsisting on rice and frozen chicken and frozen veg. But I think we might get to the end of the month. Thank god February is a short one at any rate. 

I'm sure if I knuckle down this week I can find more things in the pile from the storage unit pile that is currently in the shed to sell. The electric scooters should go, the home bar should go, a couple of cool boxes can go, curtains from the old house that I've kept. Do people buy giant chicken coops? I'm going to be living like a monk by the end of this. But roll up, roll up, everything must go! 

Sarahwithlove

Just think of it as less to have to move. I think you need to talk to hubby about seeking support because if you are too afraid to say anything incase he slides back he needs help. Whether that be for ADHD or the staying sober. Could you maybe give him a list of jobs to do each day whilst kids our at school so he feels like he's being helpful and also get some money in? Do you have places he could declutter or things he could put on fbook and gum-tree maybe? 

foxandflowers

I went home last night and had a bath and then did nothing all evening. I feel rubbish for it. I hate time spent staring at my phone because it doesn't produce anything, or do anything positive for my brain, and yet somehow I feel stuck in a loop of staring at the tiny screen mindlessly scrolling. It can't carry on, I have to set myself some limits or something. I'm always much happier for being active, outside, or reading a book. I'm sure there are plenty of MSE activities I can come up with that don't involve looking at a screen. Suggestions are welcome. I'm always feeling like I don't have enough time in the day, but the truth is I have more than enough time and I'm just utilising it poorly. 

I got into work early, and drank my homemade smoothie (banana, frozen strawberries, vanilla yogurt, milk & oats whizzed up in the Ninja). My first case at work = instant headache. Today was a day I could have done with something straightforward, but instead, complications abound. Sometimes this job really makes you despair for humanity. 

I have sold four things on the V app so far for a grand total of £22, which is all pending until buyers receive items etc. I had to spend a couple of ££ on some postage bags, because I somehow doubt people want things posted in farmfoods shopping bags held together with parcel tape... but if I deduct that, I'm still about £15 up from before the weekend. Although actually I'm not up anything really, because of my own stupidity with buying clothes for work that I really couldn't afford. 

So I've sat down and worked out this morning how much money I need to make over the next 26 days, because once the bills that are showing on my "calendar" on my mobile banking are paid... I have £53 to last the month. Which obviously is NOT going to happen, as I need to go and get dog food today, and that's expensive enough, without accounting for the fuel costs etc that are going to come out over the coming days. After school club will need to be paid for,  I need to stop being so lazy and actually start being productive. I wish I hadn't destroyed my credit so I could get a loan to consolidate some of these payments, and.... actually it's a very good thing I have destroyed my credit because the literal last thing I need to be doing is borrowing more money. That is a HUGE part of why I am in this mess. 

I feel so guilty about buying those clothes. And I got lunch and snacks in the corner shop yesterday when I posted the parcels, and that has made me feel even worse. I work so hard during the week, and I work hard at home over the weekend too, so part of me feels like I deserve things like clothes that aren't too small (or more realistically, not my style) and food that I crave. It is so hard to be living off scraps. And it's me that's put myself in the situation so there isn't anyone to blame and sticking my head in the sand isn't going to fix anything. It's barely been a week and I am so tired. 

sunshine_raincloud

Hello, I'm not sure what you are scrolling on but have you thought about taking a temporary break from social media? Or even just deleting the apps from your phone? I have deactivated most of my social media accounts or don't have them at all. The one that I still use I don't have the app on my phone so if I want to go on it I have to log in on my laptop. It really helps not having them there- I think good for productivity and mental health! 

Well done on the vinted sales. Have you thought about doing surveys for some extra spending money? Prolific is the one that worked best for me (and one lots of people on here seem to use). 

foxandflowers

sunshine_raincloud said:

Hello, I'm not sure what you are scrolling on but have you thought about taking a temporary break from social media? Or even just deleting the apps from your phone? I have deactivated most of my social media accounts or don't have them at all. The one that I still use I don't have the app on my phone so if I want to go on it I have to log in on my laptop. It really helps not having them there- I think good for productivity and mental health! 

Well done on the vinted sales. Have you thought about doing surveys for some extra spending money? Prolific is the one that worked best for me (and one lots of people on here seem to use). 

Hiya,

Thanks for your comment. Honestly, twitter/reddit/FB/tiktok are sucking the life out of me. But I don't really like to be alone with my thoughts at the moment, so it seems easier to just bury my head and ignore the world. Honestly, it's probably affecting my mental health and my family too. Tiktok has been good for motivating myself to clean, or looking at renovations, but I probably use that the least. I've set timers on all of them, but its so easy to just click "ignore" or "15 more minutes" so it isn't having quite the desired effects. I've heard social media referred to as dopa-mining, and that's probably what I like about it. I grew up with a technophobe mum, and I then went the other way when I had access to laptops and phones etc. I have to break the habit somehow. 

Thank you for the tip about surveys. I will have a look at those now. 

have signed up to the waitlist for prolific - apparently they are currently over subscribed.

CL21

I deleted all social media about a year ago and it’s been the absolute best thing for my mental health. What about doing a free yoga video on you tube? It’s no cost to you, you can’t scroll your phone while you’re doing it and you feel better 😊 

slm6002

I have just read and subscribed to your diary and am going to give you a few tips I learnt along the way - I hope you don't mind and feel free to ignore.

You are doing really well by acknowledging there is a problem, and the fact you know where you are sometimes going wrong helps.  It's not easy but will get easier along the way.  It wont all be solve straight away, but you will look back on it one day with a sense of achievement, and knowing it was all worth it.

OK - Surveys, the only site I have had luck on is prolific.  Both you and DH can sign up so twice the amount of surveys to be achieved.  This month I made £40 from spare 5-10 min here and there.  I have turned my money into vouchers to put by for Christmas and birthdays but as it goes into paypal you can use as you wish.

Food - Olio is an app that saves food from going to landfill from the supermarkets.  I realise you live in the middle of nowhere from what you say, but there may be someone near work giving away food for free.  You could ask to collect the next morning on the way to work.  I used to do the giving out part and it was often a bag of satsumas or peppers etc with 1 that had gone squishy in the pack, but the rest of them were perfectly fine.  If you are struggling to find money to food it is certainly something to look into.  I would collect the food from the supermarket around 8pm so it would appear on the app from about 8.15 ish onwards. There is also a tab for other items people are just getting rid of household items.  Might find some suitable clothes for work on there too but for free. I would also see if there are any food banks around your area or pop up shops helping with discounted food, that you could maybe pop to on your lunch break or on the way home from work.  Or even send DH before he collects you?

Benefits - Have you popped your details into entitledto.com ?  It will give you an indication of how much if anything you are entitled to.  Even if it is only a small amount it could open the door to many other things, such as free school dinners, which then entitles you to maybe school holiday activities and / or vouchers for meals over the holidays for your daughter.    It may help with council tax discount, broadband discount.  It really does open the doors to many extra bits of help.

With the car, I know you would like to sell the car that is being repaired, but would it make sense to keep that working (newer sounding) car and sell the unreliable van?  You wont get much for it but if it will need less repairs once the ignition problem is solved it might be a better solution.

When I first started on here my then DH used to work while I was at home with the children.  He would give me very little to pay the bills with, so I know how hard it is.  It sounds like your DH understands which is good (mine didn't).  We went with step change and eventually paid off all of his debts.  He then got more and we tried and succeeded again.

Well this is a long post so I will leave it there for now.  Don't stop coming back and telling us your ups and downs.  It really helped me just to get it off my chest, even if I thought no one was reading.

foxandflowers

Hi everyone. 

I'm working from home today which has been lovely. It's really nice to just be able to crack on without distractions. Have had a very busy and productive morning. 

I downloaded Curious Cat last night after having a quick read of the best survey sites recommended on here. I did some surveys while I watched the first episode of the Last of Us, and I've made £3.50 so far. Not exactly earth shattering, but still positive, and £3.50 I didn't have yesterday evening. It's sat in my Paypal at the moment, my plan is to leave it there for the whole of February and see how much I can earn. 

My first item that I sold on Vinted has been received, and I've been given a 5* review, which is nice. And again, another £3 in my Vinted balance. So I will try and do the same thing for February, and see how much I can make off that too. 

I think my goal between Vinted and Cat surveys, is going to be £50. I'd like to aim higher than that but as this is the first month I've been doing both things, I'd like to be realistic about it too, and give myself a target that I think I can reach, rather than disappointing myself and then giving up. Hopefully I can make it so I am earning on the side about half of what I will be paying Stepchange... who coincidentally I still need to ring. I will do that tomorrow on my lunch break. Let's be realistic though, so far that money would do much better in buying food or fuel.

So anyway, in summary, £6.50 up in actual cash money. 

My oil is down to the last bar again. I put £200 on the 16th January, so I've used half of that in a fortnight. Which means that come the middle of February, I will need to top up again. And obviously that isn't going to happen, because we have no money. Hurrah. 

I need to list more things to sell. Maybe I should set a target of £200 by the 27th Feb. And I still have to figure out what to do about the broken car, because I cannot afford to pay for the entirety of the issue in one go. Actually, realistically I can't afford to pay for any of it. But I also can't leave it sat there indefinitely. 

So today I'm torn between feeling pleased with myself for my baby steps, and just downright fed up of the quicksand that is my finances and the constant up and down seesaw of things going wrong.