Diary of a 30-something idiot

backinbusiness

Ah @foxandflowers - you've already alluded to having a bit of an impulsive streak. I can see what and why you're thinking; however would you not be repeating the same mistakes whilst hoping for a different outcome?

Interesting that you are considering a future without Mr F&F . . . your life, your choices.

Two house moves within one year is a LOT of money on services, fees etc that you can't really afford and you are continuing to borrow from your future self.

I appreciate the advantages of having Mr F&F at home whilst mini fox is at school, however than in itself doesn't preclude him from working a few evening hours, weekend hours or in the school holidays . . . 

Reading your diary and journey with interest and support - but please, DO be careful with your next move?

BiB x 

Kim_13

On the comments about a future without Mr Fox, I don't think that would be the great thing that some think. They are married, so unless there was a prenup (which even if there was, I believe there are question marks over whether they are legally enforceable) the starting point would be another 50% of her inheritance on the line. I'm sure she'd get more than 50% and not have to sell the house until Mini Fox was 18, but he would still get something. He can only win in a divorce situation and Fox can only lose, sadly.

MFWannabe

Honestly I think you need to read back through your diary; wasn’t the last house move meant to sort out the debts? 

Wasn’t your original go house worth £300k? 

This one is worth £215k? What has happened to all that money? 

What has happened reference selling vehicles? 

You’ve already stated money from those isn’t all going to be able to pay debts so how can you be sure you won’t fritter away what money you make on the house? 

Be very careful; you are currently in the very lucky position of having no mortgage or rent to pay, carry on as you have been and you will end up having to and won’t be able to afford it 
You’d be better off cutting some of the expenses on your budget like Netflix and PlayStation but for sone reason you seem very reluctant to do this? 

It may suit you childcare wise for Mr F to not work but budget wise it’s breaking you; he could get part time work that fits round school hours; do online surveys etc 

Lollyj32

Mini fox could have all the things you had growing up if she had a step dad willing to prioritise her needs over his. 

Moving house isn’t going to work, you are just moving problems around and making plans that you don’t have the support to carry out

MeandO

Just a quick question Fox - where did the seed of thought come from about selling the house and downsizing again? Was it yourself or did Mr Fox bring the topic up? It was in the way you said 'we' have arranged for an estate agent to come out that made me wonder. If it was mr Fox, I'm afraid the cynic in me would be inclined to think it's another way of him being able to dodge getting a job for a few more years and to keep the cushty lifestyle he has. After all, if the household finances are ok, there's no urgency for him to bring money in. If I remember rightly, you didn't even see this current house before you bought it? Mr Fox and his Dad went to see it and you parted with the cash on their recommendation. If it needs as much work doing as you say, it's going to be a difficult sell, plus its very unlikely the house you've seen which would be acceptable will still be on the market by the time you've been through the whole process.

If it was yourself who has come up with the idea, please re-read your own diary - you're just repeating the same actions and expecting a different result. You've already done this and you're in exactly the same position as you were before albeit with less equity in your house and a similar amount of debt. The debt was supposed to be paid down last time and it didn't happen.
 
You're just selling another asset again to pay down the debts which would be perfectly manageable with another income coming into the household without you having to sell your house. Even universal credit would help greatly now which you'd be eligible for if only your husband would 'allow' you to claim what you are entitled to by seeking help with benefits. There are also plenty of jobs that work around school pick ups, mine included. No-one is saying he need to get a full-time, high earning position, just something that brings in money and allows you to claim universal credit if you're household income is low. I'm sorry, but you need to stop making excuses for him as to why he can't work.

I'm an avid supporter of yours Fox and this is written with great concern for you, but this is an awful idea. For your own and Mini Fox's sake, I urge you to re-think this idea. Yourself and Mini Fox will be left with nothing if you keep on doing this, you are going to run out of 'house' to sell and I can't see Mr Fox hanging around once all of the assets have gone and there's no funds to pay for his playstation subscription or keep him as you do now. xx

MeandO

Kim_13 said:

On the comments about a future without Mr Fox, I don't think that would be the great thing that some think. They are married, so unless there was a prenup (which even if there was, I believe there are question marks over whether they are legally enforceable) the starting point would be another 50% of her inheritance on the line. I'm sure she'd get more than 50% and not have to sell the house until Mini Fox was 18, but he would still get something. He can only win in a divorce situation and Fox can only lose, sadly.

I don't think anyone believes it would be a 'great' thing for a divorce, but Fox wouldn't be working to support him and his several children, all whom seem to do a lot better and get more out of the deal than Fox and mini Fox. She also wouldn't be subject to the financially and possibly emotionally abusive relationship clearly visible when looking in from the outside and from past experience. From what Fox has said before I don't think there's any inheritance left, other than the money in the house which is secure until at least Mini Fox is 18 as you said. Sadly, I think Fox is losing much more as things are than she would be just looking after herself and Mini Fox - this being the perspective from someone who has been in a very similar situation and got out.

Petal88

Even if everything you said about Mr Fox not working is really better for you atm - it doesn't answer why he refuses to claim anything whilst unemployed? However small it would be it would at the very least help your food budget, perhaps allow him to keep his PSN subscription or go towards his own credit card debt? There's also nothing stopping him trying to find part time work? 

slm6002

I said about a week ago, stop looking in the future to what money you might have.  You need to get the money you have right this moment working for you.  This months budget needs to work.  Any bonus, pay increase, sale money from the house, none of this is real money.  What is in your bank account is real money.  This is the money you have.

Paying off debt is not fun and it is not quick.  It takes lots of dedication and finding tips to shave a little more off here and there.  You need to find fun things to do that cost nothing (there are plenty out there, just need to look).  For DD's club there are plenty that are only a few £'s a week and others that are much more.  Unfortunately you cant afford the more expensive ones.  I can almost guarantee too that she will have just as much fun at the cheaper ones.  How old is DD?

I know it is nice to dream, but you cant base your life on the next dream.  Not sure moving house is the correct move, as many have already commented, it is the same plan you had months ago before you moved here and clearly it hasn't worked.

Could OH do an hour or 2 volunteering whilst DD is at school.  It would give him experience in the working world, and confidence that he can do something.  If DD is ill then he would be able to cancel that day.  Maybe a local food bank or charity shop.  That way when he does eventually get a job he would have something on his CV.  It would not interfere with childcare

Lollyj32

I really dont understand why he refuses to claim anything/ be included on YOUR universal credit claim? You are entitled to UC to top up your wage which alone is not enough to support a household of your size.

I assume he is not trying to live under the radar of the government and authorities as he has car insurance, car tax etc? so go ahead and put a claim in, you work over 24 hours a week so it will not result in any official attempts at sending the layabout out to work and it is money that you can legitimately claim so that your daughter does not go without.

stymied

I don’t know if this is helpful, but it makes sense to me for a good balance:

The childcare element helps you to pay for registered childcare while you are working. You will be able to claim back 70% of your actual paid out childcare costs.

Universal Credit for parents

If you are a lone parent, or the nominated responsible carer in a couple, with a child under the age of 5 you won’t be asked to work in return for your Universal Credit. When your child reaches the age of 1 you will be asked to attend interviews to discuss plans for a future move into work. If you do choose to work, Universal Credit will help you with your registered childcare costs.

When your youngest child reaches 5 (or an older child where the child has exceptional care needs), you will be expected to look for work in line with your caring responsibilities, for example during your child’s school hours.

Brownies is extremely affordable because it’s run by volunteers - if Mini Fox would like to go, sign her up!