Diary of a 30-something idiot

foxandflowers

Morning everyone. Thank you for all being so lovely and supportive. It's enough to make a grown Fox cry. I'm so glad I can come here and get everything out. It really does help.

Mr Fox has gotten a really bad dose of smokers flu. Karmaic retribution if you ask me. I do feel sorry for him though. He's on day 3 of no nicotine at all. I'm still very angry at him, but we spent a lot of yesterday talking and I am hoping if we continue to attempt communication there will be a breakthrough. If nothing else at least he admitted to being depressed. Not that is an excuse for his appalling behaviour. One day at a time I guess.

Anyone else a committed member of the  No Heating Until November club? I cannot believe how COLD it has gotten. Time to dig out the 13.5 tog duvets, and the brushed cotton bedding sets. I need to put the electric blankets through the wash before they go on, but I might try and get that done tonight. 

I spent over an hour cleaning little one's room yesterday evening. Bits of paper and food wrappers everywhere. Made me very cross, so I think we will be implementing evening room checks until she gets herself into the habit of actually cleaning up. I then spent 45 minutes doing the washing up. Absolutely painful. I can't wait to get the kitchen sorted and have a dishwasher, and an oven. I know a dishwasher isn't essential, but actually at this point, I'm starting to feel like it is, if only for my own sanity. I have Wren coming out to quote for a new kitchen on Saturday at 2pm. I think I can safely budget around 12k for the kitchen renovation, including appliances, without leaving myself in a hole. I need to get a sparky round as well, as I'm pretty sure my office and the entirety of the downstairs electrics are on the same fuse... As we aren't going to be knocking through any more, I might just end up putting a big fridge freezer in the dining room. I can't really see how else we are going to get everything in. And honestly, I would rather have a dining room than another room to sit in. 

Does spending on essentials count towards a NSD? I was debating this with myself this morning. If I had to get the train to work but I brought lunch with me and didn't buy anything all day, would that count as a NSD? Or can I only have one if I am working from home? 

Need to get Little One something red to wear for Friday for Show Racism the Red Card. Will be trawling charity shops on lunch!

8 days until payday, and I'm quite excited to split my pay into various pots and envelopes, and see if I can actually make the budget work. (Or if not work, at least not be in a totally horrific deficit).

enthusiasticsaver

Glad to see you sounding so positive and I certainly agree with getting tough with your husband. If he is depressed will he go to the GP? A general feeling of worthlessness will lead to depression and doing nothing all day won’t help. I certainly think he needs medical advice but good he is trying to quit smoking at least.

Baileys_Babe

Regarding the NSD decide on YOUR rules. I feel travel costs to work are acceptable unless you could sensibly get there for free by walking or cycling. Most forms of transport have costs whether immediate like daily fares or a lump sum like a season ticket, fuel for a vehicle, or maintenance.

Aimingforthegoodlife

Hi Fox, I have read your entire diary over the last few days, I think if you were to read it back, you would see just how far you have come! I look forward to checking in again!

SuzeQStan

Keep that righteous anger burning Fox - you deserve better!  He is just throwing a tantrum hoping you will go back to giving him everything he wants whilst he gives little back.

it’s supposed to be a partnership - not a one way street.  Keep the tough love going - he will hopefully understand one day you were doing it for the best for everyone. 

You are in charge of you and you don’t need anyone telling you are less than the amazing person you are. Don’t stand for anything less than the respect you 100% deserve for sheer grit.

foxandflowers

Hi everyone.

Today is not my day. The train to work was cancelled, and then the bus was cancelled, and then the cancelled bus decided to arrive 20 minutes late, just at the point I was about to cry. I realised when I got on the bus that my clean laundry had got mixed with my dirty and my jumper had a big smear of barbecue sauce on it.

I got in to work with only a little time to prepare for my review, and then I had my review and safe to say it did NOT go well. I basically have a month to pull my fluffy socks up, or I'm in danger of them starting formal procedures. My head absolutely hasn't been in the game for a couple of months, and Real Life keeps side swiping me. I'm going to speak to occupational health this afternoon and ask for some tips on building resilience, because if I don't try and keep work separate from the chaos that is my home life, I might not have work to go to. 

So, some small bonuses to keep me from crying. Got to focus on the positives.
1. Got two red tshirts in the charity shop for Little One for tomorrow, in two different sizes, for £1.49.
2. The new winter bedding makes it feel like my bed is a hotel. The dog slept on the old duvet next to the bed, so I actually got a decent nights sleep and didn't wake up in a shape vaguely resembling a pretzel. I'm still absolutely knackered though, but at least I know I have a cosy bed to get into at the end of the day.
3. It is only a week until payday. 
4. I actually remembered to bring lunch to work with me, so if it hadn't been for the charity shop stop, I would have had a NSD. 
5. In 3 weeks one of my best friends is coming to stay for a couple of nights. 
6. I have stuck to the meal plan every night this week. 

Humdinger1

@foxandflowers is this telling you that you must get even further into self-preservation mode for you and your daughter?! You've been doing everything single-handed while dealing with emotional abuse! How was it going to be any other way?  The only way is up! Is your husband pulling his finger out? You can do this and have a happy life but he has to put his grown- man pants on! Love Humdinger xx 

stymied

Sorry to hear you’ve had a bad day - it’s horrid when everything piles up at once.

Do you have a clear idea about what you need to change at work? Would some extra lists help as a coping strategy?

MeandO

I think it would be worth sharing what you're going through with your employer. I think you said before that it is a local authority (apologies if I got that wrong), but if so they can be quite supportive if you're going through stressful situations at home. I also work for one (perhaps even the same one as I know we live close) and they have been supportive to me in the past, but you do have to keep them informed and keep talking to them. You need to be completely honest with Occupational Health too and tell them exactly what you're living with.
Failing that, you need to boot the husband out so you can concentrate on YOUR life as he's dragging you down in all areas now. You mentioned you have in laws around you so he can go and stay with them. Sorry to be so harsh, but you can't have his behaviour and the stress it's causing you to jeopardise you and your daughter's future by losing this job.

Does your best friend know the truth of the situation? Would you listen to their advice if they did know? Hopefully they can help you see that you don't have to keep trying to make this work, it is only going to get worse unfortunately if you keep carrying on.

slm6002

You have too much going on at home with OH acting like a child to concentrate on work.  Afraid I agree with the others that either he needs to support you financially as well as around the house, or he needs to go.  You cant afford to loose a decent job because you are too focused on him.  Life doesn't need to be so tough.  Sending hugs and encouragement for this next month at work.

I think you should go back to the beginning of your diary and read it like it is someone elses.  What advise would you give them?