Diary of a 30-something idiot

Valli

he’s an adult… why isn’t he dealing with the licence application?  And applying for jobs.  You’re enabling his dependant behaviour.

vampirotoothus

Hi Fox, happy to see that you are thinking about YOUR future. How about putting the spending into columns of what you would have to pay without MrF v what you have to pay with MrF. Downgrade food costs, phone bills, tv subs, etc etc, so you can see how much HE is costing you every month. Vx

Debsnewbudget

That sounds like a fantastic breakthrough. Well done for working to understand yourself better and come up with solutions. 

Xx

lucielle

Not if Mr Fox gets a job but WHEN. 

L

Baileys_Babe

In your last post @foxandflowers you sound so positive and strong which is great to hear.

stymied

£600 reduction is a fabulous goal! Are you revisiting some of the family’s entertainment budget first?

helensbiggestfan

Have been reading your thread with interest.  

Good for you getting your new coat.  And you should not feel guilty.  Your partner is the one who should be riddled with guilt, sponging off you for all these years. 

re the kitchen. I am a serial renovator and love doing up old properties and bringing them back to life.  My advice is to take your time, make it watertight obviously and fix anything that might be unsafe, electrics, boiler etc but after that don't be in a rush.  The windows and doors can wait provided that they are watertight and not about to fall out.  As for the kitchen can you not just do a quick revamp for now. Units and tiles can be painted, same with worktops.  Or as suggested earlier that sticky back contact stuff.  Second hand appliances if needed.  

In my last project I just bought a new cooker and tumble dryer, made do with existing washing machine, dishwasher, cooker hood, and fridge freezer.  I paid an odd job man to resite some of the units into a better layout then painted all the horrid dark pine doors and tiles. I sponged white paint onto some dark exposed brickwork to create a sort of lime washed look and then painted all the dark treacle coloured ceiling beams white.  A lot of work but cheap as chips and it looked fabulous when I'd finished. 

You mentioned knocking through to create a kitchen/diner.  I think that would be a great idea. I did the same. It turned two dark pokey rooms into a lovely open space, even giving room for a freestanding island unit, as well as a dining table and six chairs.  I removed some of the doors on some wall units to create open shelving to display nice crockery, opening up the space even more to create a really light and airy feel.   My buyers took one look and fell in love with it.  And it didn't break the bank, less than £1k the lot.  

I do hope your partner gets a job.  If not and you insist on letting him live with you rent free, feeding and clothing him, and taking care of his children, not to mention all those entertainment subscriptions, then at least hand him a paint brush and roller and tell him to get stuck in and start earning his keep.  He's been freeloading quite long enough. 

You sound like a lovely generous and very hardworking person, you deserve a nice home and yes you deserve a nice warm winter coat too.  £90 is not expensive for a good coat so no more feeling guilty.  

But.....you must stop the takeaways etc. and start cooking,  it's just chucking money away.  Until you get your cooker sorted  you can work wonders with a toaster, a slow cooker and a microwave. Lol.  Better still get your man to start pulling his weight around the house.  If you are out at work all day then he should be cooking dinner. 

foxandflowers

I took Little One to the local country park today to meet with her best friend from the last school she attended. It was a lovely day. Really really, honestly, made me happy. I didn't really know the other girl's mum, but we got on really well. She came with both her kids and her husband, and it was so nice to watch the girls playing together. I spent a little bit in the cafe, getting chips & ice cream, and it was just... NICE. And really reminded me of the importance of doing things for myself/my daughter off my own back. Taking initiative to be independent and less worried about how people perceive me, because I'm actually an okay human being. 

Mr Fox is on day 3 of not smoking. He's got nicotine patches and he's doing really well, aside from the irritability being at an all time high. I'm pretty sure we've almost got divorced several times in the last few days. I do think it will make a big difference to him, in terms of his health and his behaviour, if he can regulate himself without nicotine. 

Our bedroom is done, the furniture is built, and I love it. Those of you who saw the house in the before photos would barely believe it was the same house (if you ignore the cracks in the wallpapered ceiling that is - hehe.) It looks so much nicer, and honestly I'm so happy with my £20 pack of handles from Amazon that are absolutely slightly wonky in the below photo, but have really made everything look less like cheap flatpack. The screwdriver in the air was to celebrate that I built all the flatpack in about 6 hours... It was a LONG day. 



Does anyone on here do cash stuffing or cash envelopes for their monthly budget? I've been thinking that if I have to pay for things in cash, I might see it more as 'real' money. It's too easy to tap Apple pay contactless, it doesn't feel like I'm actually spending and I desperately need to get that under control. If you do, have you got any tips? Thanks lovelies xx

SuzeQStan

Well done Fox!  That looks really good - proper feathering the nest there. 😊👍🏻

Re Mr Fox stopping smoking - when me n OH quit years ago we found the things that allowed a ‘hand to mouth’ action was somehow more satisfying than the nicotine patches.  So the nicotine gum or the inhalator etc.  The great thing was when we got rid of those expecting the worst - never felt a single pang.  Sometime I think the fear of feeling the pain makes us think things will be worse than it actually is.  

foxandflowers

I have had a frankly horrendous day. 
Huge argument with Mr Fox that almost ended in divorce, but has instead ended with him taking job hunting seriously. 
Traumatised myself on Twitter, because I accidentally saw a video of a dead Palestinian baby. It totally broke my heart. I cannot imagine what those families are going through. The sheer terror. 
Just totally shut down, spent most of the afternoon in bed. 

My stupidly large plastic cat head money box arrived, and it has a total of 8 £1 coins in there. I am going to set myself some challenges, starting tomorrow.

1. Save all my £ coins, £1 & £2 in the kitty. 
2. 8 NSD's a month.
3. Leave my auto round up pot alone on Monzo - until it hits £300 and then move it to premium bonds. 
4. Make an extra £10 a week on surveys. 
5. Cash stuff for variable budget amounts - Groceries, fuel, misc, fun money (one day out with little one a month), takeaways (one a month that is budgeted for). Groceries & Fuel will come out of my wages, and the rest hopefully from side hustles. 

Anyway. I'm tired. Tired down to my bones. So I'm going to bed, and I'm going to put a stupid movie on to try and cheer myself up. I think I might watch Hot Fuzz.