Diary of a 30-something idiot

Bluegreen143

I’ve just read through your whole diary. 

Firstly, just wanted to say you’re one of those diarists who has the gift of writing in a really engaging way. You sound lovely, and coping with so much - I’m sorry things are so hard right now though I’m pleased you’ve gotten past the stress of a house move and are all settled in. 

A house in the country didn’t sound like the right fit when you don’t drive so hoping you’ll have an easier time of it in your new location. 

I can only echo what everyone has said in that the division of earnings and labour seems so unfair in your relationship; I won’t belabour this as you’ve had this feedback already. But please believe that you are worthy of a good life and a supportive relationship. I can see by the amount of commentary you’ve had that everyone really cares about you and even if you don’t necessarily agree with all the feedback, hopefully it feels good to know so many strangers are rooting for you. 

jak

Hey, I've been following your diary and you write so beautifully. Things will improve I'm sure once you're settled in to the new house. I hope you find some time for yourself in amongst the stress of everyday life. You have support here so please feel free to vent! If ever you want to discuss anything we are all rooting for you and your daughter.
JAK
xxxx 

foxandflowers

Hi fellow shipmates. Ahoy there! (Or something nautical - I live by the seaside now, it's part of the 'lingo' teehee).

Right.

Interesting developments abound. Some good, some... less so? 

In my infinite foxy wisdom, I decided that Saturday was an excellent day to do a DIY and take up the horrible manky red swirly carpet in the bedroom. I'd ordered some wardrobes off Argoose, because I was and am sick to death of the clothes rails taking up half the bedroom and swaying perilously every time I brush against them. I had spotted that brown speckly council house tile underneath the red soupy swirl, and I thought in my MSE mind, that I could take up the carpet, bleach the heck out of the tiles, and then paint them. My SIL painted the concrete floor in her house and it looks good! So I was inspired. Unfortunately, Fox Manor had other plans for me. I got halfway to the back of the bedroom, thoroughly enjoying myself ripping up carpet and underlay with a satisfying SWOOSH noise...when the tiles ran out. Apparently whoever had done the bedroom before, had only tiled 2/3 of it. Soooo, off to the carpet shop to discuss options, whereby I was told that I probably shouldn't disturb the tiles, as there was a good chance they had asbestos in. Brilliant. Guess who is now getting a new carpet fitted in three of the four upstairs rooms? Oops. We went for the cheaper range though, so I didn't splurge on wool carpets or anything, just your normal carpet carpets. But it still came to £600 for the three rooms. 

Which then meant... a consolatory stop in the local pub. Because everyone knows when you spend money, the next best thing is to spend more money? No. Bad Fox. But it wasn't all bad because....

What was meant to be one drink, turned into several half pints of varying quality lager. We got talking to the locals, and made friends. And Mr Fox got offered a job, if he can get his streetworks license. (About £190 for the half day course and the card). The job is £145 a day, so if he got two shifts, he'd be in profit. He didn't tell me about it until afterwards OF COURSE, but he said he was considering it because it was outside and paid well. And he has told his dad about it. And when we woke up the next day and he had a clear head, I thought of all my shipmates cheering me on and I brought it up again and asked if he would look into it properly, and he said yes. So watch this space. I guess either things will turn a corner (the leeward side? I am belabouring this metaphor) or I will know that its more hot air, and at that point start taking steps to distance myself. 

Baileys_Babe

The job offer sounds promising, I hope your OH is able to follow through. It would make a huge difference to your finances if he does.

vampirotoothus

Hi Fox, I like this post. It seems that you are thinking about YOUR future. Good luck V x

mumtoomany

Hi, @foxandflowers. I am sitting at the computer shouting "YES YES". Sounds like maybe his mindset is changing at last. I do hope so, or you will eventually go under. So glad you are enjoying the new house, hugs, mumtoomany.xxx

Debsnewbudget

So happy read this...... 
well done you and I love that you have plans on whether he takes the job or not.
You deserve so much so hopefully smooth waters are ahead ! 

slm6002

Yay on the job and like others said I am so glad that if it is just all talk you will start the next steps.  So yay for the pub on this occasion and bad tiles.  And yay to carpets even if not planned for quite yet.

I was thinking the other day about the sticky kitchen.  It may sound ridiculous but have you thought of sticky back plastic wrap stuff.  As the kitchen may need to wait and you cant afford to keep getting take aways to avoid using it, have you thought of covering the worktops with the plastic.  Even if it is only temporary fix, it should be cheap and last a little while.  Maybe have a look at you tube clips - I am sure I've seen people doing this before.

You sound very positive and strong today - keep going

foxandflowers

PS. I've spent a lot of time watching Caleb Hammer videos on Youtube. I find it fascinating seeing other people's finances laid so completely bare. Fascinating, and eye opening as regards my own situation. He works on the 50-30-20 plan and gives people budgets to stick to to get out of debt as quickly as possible. 50% needs, 30% wants & 20% savings. But, in my case. Bills, (1000)  food and fuel (500) are taking 90% of my income. 

So I've been idly daydreaming, as you do. If we each put 40% of our earnings into a joint pot for the bills/food/fuel, no bill would ever be missed again. The likelihood would be he would transfer his pay to me, and then I would give him back a portion for pocket money. He would then have plenty of money to spend on whatever he wanted. I would have plenty of money to be able to pay for childcare, buy little one treats guilt free, and overpay on debts. We could be debt free in five years. Easily. With savings. And an emergency fund. And a renovated house. 

So I'm actually getting a little cross that he isn't working, and is therefore making my life so much harder. 

(But also, I need to give myself a talking to, because I bought a coat today. I desperately needed a coat, because I don't have one. I have been wearing Mr Fox's coat when I walk the dog and it drowns me. But I probably didn't need to buy an investment coat. It was £90. And as much as I try and girl math my way out of it - ie. I have returns to take back to TK Maxx, and therefore it will probably only be about £50 upfront, and if I wear it every day for this winter season alone it works out at £1 a day, and it doesn't make the wrong noise, and it fits me really nicely even though I'm only 5ft and a fluff tall, etc etc.... I still feel guilty. So when I go home tonight I guess I will be on Vinted, listing things. And debating if I keep the coat, or take it back. Even though it is SO nice and SO warm and SO comfortable. sigh)

Bluegreen143

I think realistically you can’t afford the coat, and I feel bad saying that because you work so hard. If I were you I’d return it for now, unless you really have nothing else to wear to keep warm and dry. 

I work off the 50 - 30 - 20 framework myself. Most people who feel squeezed and overwhelmed financially overspend on needs so you aren’t alone! It’s simple maths really, you will feel squeezed until your needs are closer to 50% (not everyone gets to that depending on circumstances but closer at least).

You need to make more income as a family because I don’t really see how you could cut your needs any further with the size of family you are. In reality no amount of yellow sticker shopping or downshifting brands or not buying coats can make up for an income that is just too low. While I think you can’t afford your coat, I also think realistically the coat isn’t the problem. The problem is your income and it’s not a problem you alone can solve so please don’t feel guilty.

It’s pretty typical for people who don’t allocate a realistic wants budget to suddenly cave and splurge because we can’t just deprive ourselves forever. So try not to make yourself feel bad.