Diary of a 30-something idiot

slm6002

Well done on getting the SOA down on paper.  Now it gives you something to work on and to tweak a little to make it work for you.  Obviously the big one is OH needing to bring in income, either wages or benefits, but you already know that.  I know you are in a contract for the tv, but would it be worth calling them to explain that finances are a little tight and maybe you could reduce the package a little?  The same would be for the phones and internet.  Yes they may say no, but then again you wont know until you ask.

kayannie

We're with Welsh Water & have a water meter. For us, it's much cheaper having a meter than not.  We have more control over how much the bill will be by being economical with our usage. For instance, while waiting for the water to get hot when running the hot tap, we run the water into a container, which we use for flushing the loo, watering plants etc. We have water butts under the downpipes which, living in north Wales, are usually full to the brim! There are only two of us living in a 2 bedroom property so obviously you will be using more water than we do,  but we have 2 bills a year & pay a total per year of about £250. I pay in full on receipt of bill but I think it is possible to split this into monthly payments if necessary.KA

enthusiasticsaver

foxandflowers said:

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet

Household Information

Number of adults in household........... 2

Number of children in household......... 1 (3 on weekends)

Number of cars owned.................... 2
Number of giant dogs owned........ 1

Monthly Income Details

Monthly income after tax................ 1532.98

Partners monthly income after tax....... 0

Benefits................................ 96

Other income............................ 124.31

Total monthly income.................... 1753.29

Monthly Expense Details

Mortgage................................ 0

Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0

Rent.................................... 0

Council tax............................. 154

Electricity............................. 100

Gas..................................... 78

Oil..................................... 0

Water rates............................. 61.82

Telephone (land line)................... 0

Mobile phone............................ 70.95

TV Licence.............................. 13.4

Satellite/Cable TV...................... 107

Internet Services....................... 47

Groceries etc. ......................... 400

Clothing................................ 40

Petrol/diesel........................... 200

Road tax................................ 14

Car Insurance........................... 98

Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 20

Car parking............................. 0

Other travel............................ 80

Childcare/nursery....................... 0

Other child related expenses............ 50

Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0

Pet insurance/vet bills................. 10

Buildings insurance..................... 15

Contents insurance...................... 0

Life assurance ......................... 0

Other insurance......................... 0

Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 20

Haircuts................................ 30

Entertainment........................... 80

Holiday................................. 0

Emergency fund.......................... 0

RAC..................................... 15
Dog food............................... 70

Total monthly expenses.................. 1774.17

Assets

Cash.................................... 27460

House value (Gross)..................... 200000

Shares and bonds........................ 5000

Car(s).................................. 25000

Other assets............................ 0

Total Assets............................ 257460

No Secured nor Hire Purchase Debts

Unsecured Debts

Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR

Stepchange.....................31028.....145.......0

Family & Friends...............6845......0.........0

Mayglothling...................860.......35........0

Prowaste.......................300.......0.........0

Total unsecured debts..........39033.....180.......

Monthly Budget Summary

Total monthly income.................... 1,753.29

Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,774.17

Available for debt repayments........... -20.88

Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 180

Amount short for making debt repayments. -200.88

Personal Balance Sheet Summary

Total assets (things you own)........... 257,460

Total HP & Secured debt................. -0

Total Unsecured debt.................... -39,033

Net Assets.............................. 218,427


Some balancing of the books is needed. I've added in things that I would like to be putting money into a pot for each month, but I think some of it will need amending. Any thoughts? x

Your DH needs to start bringing in some money
Cancel cable/satellite as soon as contract finishes
reduce entertainment down
move mobiles to sim only
cut down on groceries

if you can do that hopefully you can make the budget balance. You seem to have a lot to do to the house so you need the savings not to be whittled away by living above your means. 

foxandflowers

Right. It's October. I've had a month of being stupid with money and now it's time to get back to behaving. 
All aboard the SS Fox. We set sail shortly, but first lets talk about the rules of the ship. (aka excuse me while I do some housekeeping and get things down so they stop swirling around in my head).

1. Things that are needed in the house as a matter of priority. Kitchen. Roof tiles. New windows. Skip removal. Pay for the van repair. We aren't going to knock our kitchen through, we are going to keep a separate dining room and save some ££ that way. you are all right and the money is going down SO quickly. It is all incredibly expensive, and not helped by having to shell out £2000 on a new fence as the stormy weather ruined the one that we had. At some point we will need new carpets/flooring, new windows on the conservatory & a new front door. Turf for the garden, extra soil and gravel. A plasterer to skim the ceilings as there doesn't appear to be any plaster there, just wallpaper straight onto the board... there's so so much. And it just keeps coming. 

2. I don't know how to cut down on groceries. I thought £100 a week was actually pretty reasonable given a) the cost of everything and b) every other weekend I'm feeding 5. I need to actually meal plan though, and I still don't have an oven so am struggling with making sense of what the hell I can make. I have an instant pot that I semi hate, a one ring plug in induction hob, and a Ninja dual air fryer. we have spent a stupid amount on takeaways because i have issues with cooking in the kitchen, especially because of how sticky everything is, regardless of how much I clean. I'm thinking: chicken curry, jacket potatoes with tuna mayo, chicken wings & corn on the cob & onion rings, chilli con carne with doritos and sour cream, gourmet hot dogs or homemade burgers & chips, pizza, sausage mash & beans, red meat & roasted veg. Then lunches. And breakfasts. I'd happily not eat breakfast and subsist off supernoodles, and a slice of buttered white bread... but that lacks certain nutrients. 

3. i really really miss having a dishwasher.   So cleaning days: 
Monday = kitchen & conservatory
Tuesday = office/boys room
Wednesday = little one's room
Thursday = our bedroom
Friday = bathroom & hallways

4. I am really struggling with the mentality of wanting to save vs spend money. I feel like we went for so long without any breathing room, or anything spare. And now we have 'spare' money, even though it isn't actually spare, I'm having a constant battle between feeling entitled to spending that money, that I have 'earned' it somehow, and knowing the reality is the wolf is still pretty close to the door. So I've bought myself some things that have been on my wishlist for a while. And now I'm sort of torn between regretting doing so, and enjoying what I have. ARGH. The eternal dilemma I guess, is that with the amount of debt I am in, I can't afford to allow myself to go down the route of not caring. I've been here before, and I don't want to go there again. Feeling constantly stressed and sick about money is doing my head in. 

5. The dog. The dog is expensive, and that expense is only going to get worse. I have to get him muzzle trained, and trained to walk nicely on a lead, and buy the right food, and the muzzle, and get him neutered, and I love him so much that I'm willing to do it all, but I'm scared that none of what I do is going to be enough and he is going to be reported, taken and destroyed. The dog trainer we have is.. not doing much training. He did say that he thinks Hugo might have hip issues, based on how he walks and how he lies down. Which if that's true, is horrendous to contemplate because of how expensive that is to fix. Not that you can actually fix it, only 'help'. 

6. Entertainment budget. This is what we pay on the satellite / cable section broken down. Sports channels are a on negotiable in my house, annoyingly. But it is what it is. 

Sky Glass 55" CCA ending 05/10/2026 £18
Whole Home £8
Sky Stream Puck FREE
UHD & Dolby Atmos £6
Ad Skipping Offer ending 05/05/2024
Sky Entertainment and Netflix Offer ending 05/05/2024 £15
Netflix Premium (extra screens because the kids use netflix, and they all watch different things) £8
Sky Sports Offer ending 05/05/2024 £25
Sky Cinema (rolling contract, already cancelled)
TNT Sports Offer ending 22/01/2025 £27

= 107.00 / £120 with Cinema 

Sky internet: The cheeky bums have put my bill up by £11 so I am currently on live chat trying to get that brought back down. = £58 / should be £47.

Amazon Prime £8.99
Spotify Family £16.99
Cloud storage £5.38
iLLumicrate Subscription £36.38
Finch: self care app £9.99
Audible £9.99
Applecare+ insurance £9.99

Actual Entertainment budget = £97.71 (I cancelled Youtube Premium, and this is still way higher than I budgeted for.) 

TAKING A BREAK NOW. Have to do actual work. Back later with Part II: Musings of a stressed Fox. 

Humdinger1

@foxandflowers sounds good.   Sorry to mention the elephant in the room here as think you must be sick of hearing it...but where does the other half's contribution come in? You are conducting the band and playing all the instruments.  It's neither sustainable nor fair.  Love Humdinger xx 

foxandflowers

@Humdinger1 that is a brilliant mental image. Not sick of hearing it, I just don't know how to bring it up. And there's so much else that I need him at home for at the moment, with all the tradesman visiting and so on. I know this is not sustainable long term. And I'm starting to have nightmares about being in my 70s still supporting us both on my pension. I just need to... figure out the basics first I think. And then sit him down and explain I need at least a part time job from him. But then if he's working, I have to pay for childcare. And then that swallows up some of his wages straight away. I don't know. I end up with a migraine when I try and think about it too hard. x

Debsnewbudget

Please get a handle on the money before you end up back in a bad position.
Realistically how much would childcare cost per day ?  Once you have that figure you can then work out how much he would have to earn to cover it and bring in some extra money to your household. Even if he works just 2 or 3 days a week to cover his Sky Sports 

Humdinger1

Not wanting to be  a know-all bully but you do know that you have a value as a human being here?? He cannot validate you; perhaps spend some money on counselling? Xx

wildheart83

You say sports telly packages are a non negotiable in your house, fair enough but I'm afraid it's time to be really tough. If OH wants it so badly he needs to be paying for it. You need to give yourself a break, you're working so hard to provide for everyone else then they've got the brass neck to tell you what's non negotiable. 

House renovations are such a difficult thing, trying to balance what you need to do to the house to keep it secure, watertight and warm, and what you'd like to do. I'm still replacing things that were done as homer/botch job/diy project gone wrong and can't get to the nice things other than basic decorating. 

Sending you lots of love and support Fox, you'll get there. 

MeandO

After having done a house renovation on a 3 bed semi without a kitchen and windows added in, please believe me when I say that money will not be enough and will not last if it is to cover all of your list, especially with the way the money is being spent and the 'luxuries' in your budget, which is exactly what the sports channels are. I am so worried you are going to end up back in the same situation you were before you moved, yet in a worse position as you have already downsized once.

This is not what you're going to want to hear, but I'm just going to go ahead and say it. This is an abusive relationship. You are being used, unsupported and left to shoulder everything and the fact that you don't know how to bring this subject up with your husband suggests you're already treading on eggshells and frightened of tackling the issue.

You have raised issues with him before, he started doing jobs round the house and you were overjoyed when he stacked the dishwasher for a couple of nights - surely that should ring alarm bells and say how bad the situation is.
 
You're feeling guilty about spending YOUR inheritance money on YOURSELF whilst justifying your husband's need to have sport channels. You are effectively a single parent coping with a demanding lodger who stays for free and offers nothing in return and you are coping with more than any single parent I know - I am one myself who has no family and very few friends around me so I know how hard it is. It doesn't need to be this difficult. You and your daughter could have a lovely life and you could halve your worries overnight. You owe him nothing, he owes you the world. 
Childcare costs nothing in comparison to what this man and his children are costing you and your work may even be flexible to account for this if you ask them - mine have been. 

I am so worried and frustrated for you Fox, you deserve so much more than this and your daughter deserves the best version of her Mum and she is not going to get that if you stay with this man who treats you like a meal ticket. xx