Diary of a 30-something idiot

foxgloves

Oh dear......those sports channels ARE non-negotiable, but I think not in the sense you mean? I would class them as absolutely non-negotiable because you can't afford them. Whether other people want them is really neither here nor there because there isn't sufficient household income to pay for them without going short elsewhere. 
Am worried this is going to be the same financial behaviour simply transferred to a different house.
Hope I'm wrong & that this can still be turned into the strong new budgetary start you need, @foxandflowers.
F

warby68

I have been dreading a post like this.

My heart goes out to you Foxy, whatever it is that is making you self-destruct with this man. Even the dog is too expensive really for your one (fairly low) income.

I hope you see the need and get the help to change course before its too late.

Its emotional blackmail but if not for you, do it for your daughter. Its her life circumstances which are being changed without choice from what they could be to something very precarious and drifting in the wrong direction. 

The sports channels and some others are disproportionate to income regardless of preference as are some other things. Its a lowish income Foxy, for between 3 and 5 people it pays the essential bills and not too much else especially with significant debt still being managed in the background. 

All meant with care and concern - you do brilliantly well raising your head each day. Start with putting a stop to spending anything beyond your wage on things other than the essential home improvements. If you are afraid to or unwilling to then why this is so is the thing to address next. If you haven't learnt from your 'lost' inheritance, the rest of it is at risk too.

HearThem

I’ve been following this thread for a while and don’t have much to add to the above other than wondering if you would be entitled to any universal credit (either together as a joint claim or apart as a single person with childcare to pay) once your cash flow falls below 16K? 

stymied

1. Do you have to eat meat every day? Is the list of meals based on things your daughter likes. Could add some more types of pasta and maybe pie and new potatoes?
2. Hypothetically how long is it until you could cancel the sports channels?

Naomim

Just a couple of thoughts. 

There are lots of online dog training videos. Or watch Dogs Behaving Badly with Graeme Hall on CH5 catch up. If your other half isn't working, task the dog training to him. I assume doggo is a "family" pet.  Also, do you have insurance? I do think you are really worrying too much about what might happen and what the media are saying. Every generation has seen dogs that are classed as dangerous. When I was little it was German Shepherds, then rottweilers. 

If you have Amazon Prime, this now includes Amazon music so you could look at losing the Spotify.

Keep well

Naomim

enthusiasticsaver

As you are spending more than you have coming in even without debt repayments presumably you are eating into the savings now not only for house renovations but takeaways, dog costs etc etc?  I think you know that this cannot last. 

The only non negotiable about the cable bill and all those extras is that the income is not there to sustain it.  Presumably the step children/OH  are the issue here but they are  not your responsibility. Your daughter is though.   If you cannot afford  the cable bill without dipping into savings then I would either cancel it or tell your OH he has to find the money. No one is going to die through not watching sports  channels on cable. It is a  non essential outgoing. 

I expect you are feeling a bit ganged up on but sometimes you live so long with a certain situation it is difficult to see that it is really not right for one person to shoulder everything. I would feel incredibly stressed if  I were in your position. 

I think I would prioritise sorting the kitchen out over the fence/new carpets  and conservatory. 

slm6002

Although it is an old fashioned way of thinking fathers went to work while the mother took care of the children and the house.  They had dinner on the table for the father when he returned from work.  They were partners and split the work.  Now I'm not saying it is right or perfect, but it sounds like you are mother and father while OH does very little.  What does he do during the day when your DD is at school? - is it just playing computer games and tv or is there something else?  He needs to be taking care of the house and family (including the dog) while you go to earn the income.  If he is not willing to do this then he needs a job and you split the household and family tasks evenly.  You cant keep going like this - money wise or mental health wise.  It will break you if it isn't already.

Am I right in thinking that you work from home some of the time?  If so these are the days that you arrange for the builders to come and quote.  You take it as your lunchbreak if needed.  That way there is no reason for OH to be at home waiting in for them. The only way this new house and life is going to work is for him to take the responsibility and get a job.  It doesn't matter what it is as long as it starts bringing money into the household.  I'm sure if he needs training or help the job centre can point him in the right direction.  There are plenty of Christmas vacancies coming up.

Amazon prime has movies so maybe reduce your Netflix account by a few and if children must all be watching something different then maybe one watches Netflix, another amazon.  And I'm afraid sky sports has to go.  I am sure that any important sport events will be shown on the normal tv.

Foodwise now that you are in your new location check out Olio.  You could save quite a lot then on your food budget just by collecting food that needs eating or freezing.  

How old is your DD?  Is she able to take on a small responsibility to help you out.  Maybe even just emptying the bins or something.  Is she getting to the age that she wont need OH to look after her after school?

Before the move you would sell anything to make the money to pay for the bills.  Now you are just dipping into the money you will need for the house.  You cant afford to dip into it for normal day to day.  This money is for the house and when sorted then the odd treat can happen.  Please don't waste this great opportunity.

in_need_of_direction

Can you claim for the fence from your insurance?

warby68

Hello Foxy, just to say don't let the crowd of similar voices make you go quiet.

We know how tough it is for you, even if not all the details why. We just hope one word or sentence may trigger something useful for you. 

I know you have to have secure fencing to contain your very large dog but on the house you really must prioritise the work you need to do and what can wait for probably quite some time. I'm sure you don't have enough money for it all and am not sure where more will come from in the forseeable future. If the kitchen is too grotty to use then that seems a very high priority. Can your F-i-L help you draw up some sort of practical running order? - I think you said he is handy in the renovation department. With an endless list of things its easy to be a scattergun and get various bits partly underway but nothing finished and usable.

SuzeQStan

Hey Fox hope you are ok - must admit I’m feeling anxious for you and your family reading about your current financial situation.

further to what @Humdinger1 said about counselling - you could approach your gp in relation to the huge £ stress you find yourself in.  & ask for some family counselling.  I reckon this could be funded by NHS but there would likely be a delay.  Please don’t let that put you off asking for help.

what does your OH say about why he chooses not to work?  Is he not bored being at home all day?  

I mean no disrespect - & I know this is none of my business and I don’t want to cast aspersions  - but are you sure he doesn’t have a secret life he isn’t telling you about? You mentioned his significant weight loss - does he spend a lot of time away from home?  Is he secretive with his phone?  

Just trying to think of a reason why he wouldn’t want the self respect that comes along with having a job.  The only think I can think is that he is busy doing something else.  Really hope I’m wrong but please for your sake just make sure he is being straight with you.