Diary of a 30-something idiot

SuzeQStan

CRANKY40 

That's exactly what I was thinking - he wants to push it as far as he can so that when you're ready to exchange he will suddenly offer less money.

He’s already had a much lower offer accepted by OP.  

This buyer is a blackmailer by any other name. His tactics already succeeded once - now he won’t be able to help himself coming back for more and more.

cocalls

Hope you dont mind a stranger asking but I'm confused how you are going to pay for the refurb of the new house, the sale of the old house hadnt cleared your debts so you'll have to borrow tens of thousands to renovate.
Also is the house currently in your name as it was left to you-if you move your husband will prob insist on joint ownership in the new place. He's not contributing (I'm not talking financially here-he's a stay at home parent who doesnt do the stuff stay at home parents do) but will take half the house should you split up.

JillyC8

I don't think I can read any more. Sorry but this is ridiculous. What kind of husband or wife would do absolutely nothing whilst the working partner is working on the house, the garden, earning all the money and paying for all the treats and trips for the non-working other half and their kids? How on earth do you have an ounce of respect for him at all? I'd have booted him out long ago. You must be getting some weird kick out of it, but why I have no idea. 

foxandflowers

@MeandO - I live further West now, but we did used to live in Bridgend, so not too far from it.

It's about 3 hours until the all important viewing! Was very busy yesterday, but got everyone packed off in one piece this morning, and the house is pretty clean if I say so myself. Just need a 20 minute whip around when I finish work. Logging off early today! And then I get paid at 4pm, and I'm going to try and do a BIG monthly food shop delivery for the first time, just topping up bread/milk/fruit/yogurt weekly instead. We will see how that goes, but as I have 4 days to myself and DD, it might just be time to re-organise the chest freezer. Oh, let nobody say I don't know how to have fun!

I really really hope that the people today put an offer in, and Mr Motorbike can be told to take a hike. I agree with some of your comments, that I think there is a good chance he will pull out before exchange. The sun is shining today though, and I strimmed the foliage around the waterfall in the garden to show that off, and made a little path up the hill to see what's left of the bluebells. Shame they didn't come last week, we had a carpet of purple in the woods that would put a formal garden to shame. 

@cocalls - House is owned outright, and we are buying in cash with proceeds from sale. Yes, hypothetically I could clear all my debts by doing so, as there is approx £100k between the sale price and buying price. However, that is not going to work best for me and my family. I will be clearing some debts, creating an emergency fund, and using the remaining money to renovate, bit by bit over the next few years. I don't anticipate for a minute that I will move in, snap my fingers, and everything will be done! It will be a process, just like clearing the debt will be. I'm hoping once the straggly debts are cleared, I will be able to start overpaying Stepchange in a big way. My husband is also job hunting at the moment, as is my stepdaughter, and they will both be contributing to the costs of the household when we move. The house will remain in my name, I am the only one on the paperwork with the solicitors and I intend to keep it that way. 

@JillyC8 - Sorry if you're finding reading about my life upsetting. No, I don't get a kick out of it. But it is infinitely better than any previous relationship I've been in, seeing as there is no physical abuse, and I'm working on my trauma bonding and co-dependency issues. Some people after trauma have a fight or flight response, I respond as a fawn instead. I am working on it. This is my diary about my life, and it's not for everyone. But if I don't write about the utter drudgery of my day to day existence, how will I be grateful when things improve? I appreciate everyone that reads and comments, and I do take everything to heart. It is both nice that people root for me, and saddening to see what my situation through other people's eyes. 

slm6002

Fingers crossed for todays viewing.  

As for the big monthly shop I would go carefully if you have children with hollow legs / teens in the house.  However much you let them know that this food has to last a month it never will and in a fortnight you will need to stock back up again.  If it is there they will eat it.  

Even if the house is in your name after so many years of marriage your husband is entitled to half of it anyway (think my solicitor said 7 years, but I was a blubbering mess at that meeting so don't quote me on that) even if not paying a mortgage or putting anything into it.

I do hope when we comment you don't think we are having a go at you.  We care and looking in from the outside gives things a whole different perspective.  I am glad that OH and DSD are looking for work.  Just don't make their lives too easy by not having jobs, might find one quicker if they have an incentive to earn money to fund their lives.

WinterWarrior

My first husband took half of my house and half of my pension..it does happen. Can you ringfence your money with the solicitor? Some kind of after marriage prenup to secure your inheritance? It may put his back up, but seriously consider it. You don’t know how bad people will behave until they are doing it 😖 if he’s never planning to leave then he should have no issue with it. Good luck. 

Squirrelz92

HI @foxandflowers ! I have just read your diary from start to finish and gosh I want to hug you so hard. Its a long hard slog making the decision to start paying off your debts and little and often soon becomes a massive chunk! 

I cannot allow myself to make comment on the husband situation as what you are experiencing at home regarding his actions (or severe lack of) is beyond disgusting and unacceptable. I would release my rage and box of swear words in a rather lengthy paragraph if I thought it would do good but it wont. Only you know what is best for yourself, your daughter, your marriage and your debt situation. I just pray he pulls his finger out of his **** and pulls his weight as your significant other. 

Look after yourself and your little girl! We only have one life and it soon disappears. Rooting for you and your new home (sounds like my kind of reno!). Have subscribed and look forward to reading the rest of your journey. xx

Pollie

It is your life and your choice but whether physical or mental, abuse is abuse. I can only wish you the very best in the future.

Valli

foxandflowers said:

But it is infinitely better than any previous relationship I've been in, seeing as there is no physical abuse, 

That is such a sad sentence to read.

foxandflowers

Morning campers.

Husband and step-boys successfully despatched to festival. Viewing over. They have another one today, so playing a long waiting game. 

Have spent some of this morning playing around on Monzo, allocating budget categories correctly. Generally horrified at past months spends - although in part this can be put down to the £1000 payment towards council tax. Have £350 left after assigning money to bills/fixed outgoings/unavoidable costs (my hair appt is about £60 and will be in 10 days, but I am trying really hard to not feel guilty about putting £20 aside a month for myself). Have done big shop, and the rest of that money will be going towards fuel for the month, and top up food bits. Am also deducting £30 for a day out tomorrow with DD. Refuse to feel bad about this, as it's a fraction of what's been spent on recent birthday trips. *ahem* Not that this is a birthday, but it's the start of half term, and I do intend to make the most of it, at least until her dad picks her up later in the week. Just have to hope the van doesn't blow up, and it's making a LOT of noises that suggest it might. 🚙💥 

Its glorious outside, and my plans for the weekend are as follows: 

• Friday: Finish work at 4.30pm (I don't even care about trying to claw back flexi), create bonfire of all the wood and cardboard remaining. Pray we get a response from yesterdays viewing. Enjoy a glass or two of wine with this 🔥 project, and count it towards a decluttering frog 🐸 . Listen to MY music, spend one on one time with DD.
• Saturday: Mr Motorbike arrives at 11am to view house again. Afterwards, make lunch, then head into town to collect/post vinted parcels, and drop books that will not scan on Ziffit/Music Magpie/We Buy Books to charity and post Switch that I sold on marketplace. Treat daughter to Wetherspoons for early dinner. GO TO CIRCUS. 🎪 (They've just posted a 1 free child per paying adult offer so it will cost me £18😏) Come home, sleeeeeeeeeeeep.
• Sunday: List more things on Vinted. Play Lego Lord of the Rings. Harry Potter movie marathon, with home made butterbeer, popcorn, and ice cream. (Thank you to whoever suggested this). Bath with 15 different bathbombs for DD. 

At some point I will need to catch up on laundry/ironing. But that is a problem for future me, not me today. Today me is going to make the most of the peace and quiet. Tesco is due to deliver my food in the next half hour (I booked a flexi slot and saved a couple of ££ and it is scheduled to be delivered 4 hours earlier... WIN). Work is relatively straightforward today. I finished my book. The sun is shining. It's almost bank holiday weekend. Lots of reasons to be positive. 😊🥰