A Better Life.

Buffythedebtslayer

SusieT said:

That is awful, now you know about that, it could be worth going through any extra benefits that may be payable due to the care fees. I know you will have done that before, but at that level it is worth seeing if there is more you or your mother can claim.

beanielou said:

Does your mum get AA? 

The assessor said if we did get it would count as income and go towards her care! Any other benefits count as income. It is shocking really. I did the "proper" calculations and she is "allowed" a 189 pounds a week for everything. All bills including food. Horrible. 

 

beanielou

I am blooming spechless 

Buffythedebtslayer

beanielou said:

I am blooming spechless 

It is so so frightening. They really expect people to survive on 190 quid a week. Maybe if mum could cook from scratch and live in one heated room and never do anything then yes. But she needs ready meals and the TV and the internet and heating. I mean what about clothes? or if anything breaks down? How would she afford to buy things like a wheel chair or her riser recliner? It is awful. She has worked so hard and like anyone deserves now not to be stressed and frightened by money. But the Tories have done their own voters out of everything because they are a level of dishonesty that I didn't know existed. 

Jellytotts

Make sure you check on the ageuk website for any advice they might have on the situation, sounds like some trying times ahead.  Is your Mum open to sorting through her finances with you?  

I'd start by getting rid of all product insurances, any charity donations, subscriptions and check all utilities are on the correct tariffs/any age/disability related discounts are in place.

£190 per week is just slightly higher than a state pension so it's the bench mark for what most people do have to live on and plenty do.  If your Mum is eligible for attendance allowance, get the claim in, yes some or all of it might go towards her care but that's what it's there for an it can open up other payments/benefits.  

Attendance allowance is also what would have been helping towards her recliner chair, towards a wheelchair if she hasn't been supplied with one and towards easier meals for her.  Maybe you could batch cook some meals that can be microwaved when required?  Just go by what her favourite ones are and see what you can adapt to go in the slowcooker over the weekend to save you time.

Might also be worth looking for any local drop by or volunteer groups in the area that can come in a sit and have a chat with Mum and make her a cup of tea once or twice a week to save on paid care, if you ask on your local FB groups you'll probably find a whole wealth of help out there that you don't know exists.  (I appreciate someone dropping in for a cup of tea isn't akin to proper care but sometimes it's a huge lifeline)

Insensitive I know but probably time to ramp up the moving on plans too, should she need to go into a care home and the house be sold.  That's a lot to organise for anyone but working full time with all of your animal responsibilities could prove to be very stressful and anything you can do now to take some of that away has to be thought about.

I hope the financial assessment goes well and some more help can be found.  It's no wonder so many woman over 40 end up leaving work to care for parents when you see just how much care costs.  But on the flip side, for those that can afford it, how great that they get to stay and be cared for in their own home.

Tough times ahead Buffster, big girl pants on and fully pulled up.

in_need_of_direction

Probably teaching granny to suck eggs but have you considered doing an soa for your mum, not necessarily to post but just to see things in black and white.  Also, what charities are available to assist as it’s unreasonable to expect you to be available every single evening.  There may be ones out there that do befriending.
also, when my daughter lived in your neck of the woods, she, along with a friend, shared dog walking that enabled someone with mnd to keep their dog.  This was through a charity.  I could get details if you’d like when you aren’t quite so overwhelmed.
can either sister help out, even financially? I think you need regular respite from evening duties.
definitely claim AA.  You never know what it can be used as a passport for in the future.
as always, try to take some care of you.

Buffythedebtslayer

It is possible that Mum may recover more. We haven't had all the adaptations done yet. I will remain positive, I am aware this won't last obviously. House things need to improve.  It has been really hard to get anything done in the house as with the physios and carers turning up when ever you feel like they are always catching you out, I mean they aren't I know but I just want a break from visits! Somewhat selfishly I am looking forward to a weekend with only 2 visits, this should mean so long as I am well enough I can make the living room look a bit nicer for Mum to come and sit in. And do more in my room too. 

I am so sad to eventually lose this house so I try not to think very far ahead, I save 500 for a house and 300 for my car/pet insurance bills. That is all the planning I will do there. Any spare cash goes to the loan. 

I found another charity shop that isn't stealing things - the one I used was shut for months for fraud! The people seemed so nice! Anyhow this other place doesn't have parking so am possibly not up for the walk just yet (currently still off sick) but might be able to take things there long term. 

I feel so ill I think I shall go back to bed for a bit. Things are bit ok at work. As in have got slightly better. Am more caught up. And it is the weekend. Thank God.  

wildheart83

Have just spent the morning reading your diary and just wanted to send you huge hugs Buffy x

milann

Look after yourself - don’t go back to work until you are properly better….you’ll just keep catching things as your body is still trying to recover and can’t fight bugs off whilst trying to recover. 

badmemory

I can't remember if I said on here about not being charged VAT on items which are for your mothers use, this is even shoes/slippers not just big items.  It can make quite a difference so use it.

Buffythedebtslayer

I most likely have Covid. 

My friend (also off) did a test. it was positive. 

I just really hope Mum doesn't get it. Please don't let her get it. Please God.