A Better Life.

Buffythedebtslayer · 30 October 2022 at 1:58PM

I want a better life. I know with the crisis in the cost of living, the war in Ukraine, my mum's illness, the state of the government and the fact that it is winter it is probably the wrong time to start trying! but I am so tired of my life, I feel put upon and trapped but if we are being totally honest I do this to myself. i made these choices. I listened to a you and yours on the radio a few days ago about carers and how social care for adults is essentially non existent. It has been playing on my mind a lot as it made me realise my situation is not that bad and although it will more than likely get worse it isn't there yet and I really need to enjoy this time if that makes sense. Some of the stories were just awful. And obviously my own sister has much more difficult and stressful time than we do. I need to get on with things a bit better.

At the moment my duties for Mum include housework, dogs, gardening, meals, medication, doctors appointments and trying (!) to get her to do nice things... I have to be here every day to provide her with one hot meal but she (after huge rows) sorts out her own breakfast and lunch which means she often doesn't eat but I cannot give up my job and she refuses carers so I have told my sisters and we carry on. (and yes I have tried leaving meals but she never eats them and I have tied myself in knots about it all- no more!)

I have barely seen my friends recently and this half term haven't seen a soul aside from vet and my mum! So it has been a tough week. One I don't want to repeat. Hence the need for a new diary and a fresh start. I am not doing this to myself anymore. I was waiting for mum to be well enough for me to leave but that isn't going to happen, I need to make the best of things now.

Money wise

The situation is ok. I won't own a house in the south but that is ok, I have 10,00 in savings for the mythical house in the north! 7000 for a car (loan money) I owe 4775 on the loan. Just had a HUGE vet bill and a ridiculous car bill (I can't find a car I like or want, I like my car and I had to get it fixed as between mum, sister, work and the animals I need a car ) so have no emergency fund at all - but at least I had it. I have savings for Christmas and a 1000 pounds in a Savings account plus two other small savings accounts I "forget about" and pay between 25 and 100 pound each month.

Money plan - November.
1. No Big River shopping in November. none.
2. Plan out Christmas properly.
3. Double pay loan. I do think about paying it off but I really don't want to. The money is in a good savings account, makes 8 poundsish a month. And I want to be flexible re car.
4. Only buy hay and dog treats for pets.
5. One night out on the weekend.
6. All extra money goes into the emergency fund.

I am going to do more things I enjoy and make sure the house works for me and this life is at least in part lived for me not everyone else - I am not that selfless, I really admire people like my sister who are but that is simply not me. I want to enjoy myself a whole lot more.

Buffy XXX

Brie · 30 October 2022 at 2:01PM

Can't think of anything helpful to say other than good luck and I hope you manage to look after yourself. Moms can be very stubborn.

juliejim · 30 October 2022 at 2:32PM

That sounds like a good plan Buffy and a fresh start for you.

Good luck

doingitanyway · 30 October 2022 at 3:20PM

Wishing you well with your new diary

benbenandme · 30 October 2022 at 3:32PM

Happy new diary Buffy! You're not alone, there are lots of people on here who are rooting for you xx

Four_Seasons · 30 October 2022 at 4:18PM

Happy new diary, wishing you all the best and will be cheering you on xx

Buffythedebtslayer · 30 October 2022 at 4:37PM

Thanks guys XXXX

I am building my furniture for my room. It is slow going. Sausage rolls for lunch and a cake for afters. We have sainsbugs stew and dumplings for dinner which is an easy stick in the oven thing.

XX

Buffythedebtslayer · 30 October 2022 at 10:33PM

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001ddpr

That was the episode of You and Yours if anyone is wondering what brought on this slow burning epiphany. Made me realise life isn't that bad and it is definitely in my power to make it a lot better. I made one chest of drawers and a bookshelf. Also this week I have had the car MOTed, been to the tip 4 times, taken mum for her vaccines, done a lot in the front garden and took care of a very sick bunny - who is now back to normal.... Not the break I needed but I can see a way forward.

XXX