A Better Life.

crazy_cat_lady

Great minds Buffy.
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Buffythedebtslayer

Hello people, 

It feels like so much has happened since I started this diary. It hasn't really just a change in mindset. I took Thursday and Friday off work, I had the most awful migraine and heavy feeling, plus my eyesight went funny - used to happen in the bad old days of migraines but not for many years. Work is dire. I am behind in everything. EVERYTHING and time off has made it worse. And mum isn't good. I won't bore with the disaster of a telephone doctor appointment but I will be ringing everyone I can next week. We have another visit for assessments for aids in 4 -6 weeks. 

I should have spent more time in the garden as it didn't rain but I had to go to the chemist, visit my sister, make food for mum and then it was dark. I LOATHE this time of year. I did go out to dinner with my friend and had a right laugh got drunk and decided in the middle of the night to clean out the rabbits who weren't so impressed. Went to the tip today. Made me sad the amount of stuff that could have be reused just binned. Obviously someone just wanted RID NOW. Sad. Also looked after mum, did washing, cleaned out piggies. made dinner. Mum is really not good. Keeps forgetting to take her pain killers. 

Oh I am skint. A vet bill appeared from a year ago £493 - I have tried to pay it but they couldn't find it to let me so I left it, turns out it was a mess up with the email address and they sent it to the debt collectors - cue me have huge FIT and ring the vets practically in tears and the lovely woman sorted it all so I could pay it. But it is all my savings plus I spent a lot on crap - well no, I needed a work bag and bras (one tried to kill me it was time to go!) and another pair of work shoes - identical to the first and two new cardigans. Mine either have holes or have shrunk. so you know. 

I have lunch for two days and will have pasta the rest of the week. I have made a meal plan. I am having chips on my long day and the other meals are easy. 

I realised the reason why I won't clean up and organise my room - it would mean I could spend time in there. I would love the option of somewhere else to sit but won't do it cos it feels selfish. Well with my new kick up the bum I really need to face it. I deserve a nice place to sit. I actually need a place to work. I am behind at work and this is why. 

I also need some privacy. Space. It might make me happy. 

I need to go to bed. UGH. I hate going to work. It sucks. 

RosaBernicia

Oh Buffster - hugs and puppy cuddles from here.  It's not selfish to have a space of your own in the house - in fact it's self sacrificing that you don't use the rest of it. 

stymied

I understand what you mean Buffy - I spend ages wishing the kids would develop the ability to entertain themselves by themselves but when I hide in the bedroom I feel guilty like I should be wanting to spend all my non-work, non-chores time with them. It’s worse for you because you don’t have the after bedtime hour or 2 without them / her x

Seasidegal58

Hi Buffy - I used to lurk a bit on your old diary. I think you cope brilliantly with all that you do - your mum, work, animals etc and look forward to reading about the new positive you!😀
I wouldn't feel guilty at all for wanting a space for yourself - I think this will definitely do you a great deal of good and will help you when working too. Good luck in turning your bedroom into a peaceful haven and productive work space. 👍

badmemory

Wanting a space for yourself is not a want it is a need.

beanielou

Take care of you & find that space for YOU xxx

Buffythedebtslayer

It is Friday again. 

I am so tired. Made the mistake of having a drink and am now even more tired. Got a shopping delivery tomorrow. At 9 AM 
and then it is high street for stuff. and then home to do my room. And sleep. Lots and lots of sleep. 

skint_spice

Buffythedebtslayer said:

It is Friday again. 

I am so tired. Made the mistake of having a drink and am now even more tired. Got a shopping delivery tomorrow. At 9 AM 
and then it is high street for stuff. and then home to do my room. And sleep. Lots and lots of sleep. 

Enjoy your sleep!

Buffythedebtslayer

So it is almost one and I have done my washing, been to the chemist and the pet shop AND the baker's. 

Am going to have a nap. And then work on my room. 

things I have done this week to make my life easier
1. Not hoovered. too tired. 
2. Didn't put the recycling out. It was raining. I was tired. 
3. Ordered a very expensive replacement lead for my mini laptop so I can use it at work and not have to cart mine back and forth. 
4. Got takeaway for dinner once so I didn't have to cook. 
5. Meal planned in advance. 

I am definitely less stressed. Still tired! but that is normal. And so poor! The house bunny chewed through the wire for Alexa this morning, 20 quid replacement!!!!!