A Better Life.

SusieT

You are doing really well, I know what you mean by the tip, I was on chat terms with the people working at mine, it was almost at the point of taking tea and cake at one point!
Great that the dogs now wee outside, that is really good progress. To try and stop the excitemen of you being home, try to totally ignore them or tell them to go on their bed as soon as you get through the door, that teaches them that there is nothing exciting about you being back, then when you have got the kettle on, or been to the loo - whatever you do when you get in, you go to the dogs who are now quiet and make a fuss of them without them getting excited. A lot of people get through the door and make a lot of fuss about being back, so the dogs learn that person back = excitement (I am not saying you do this) so they are unwittingly training the dog to jump around when mum/dad get home - then they wonder why they have problems. Quietly doing the opposite to whatever the dog wants to do is the best way to teach them how you want them to behave. 

Buffythedebtslayer

SusieT said:

You are doing really well, I know what you mean by the tip, I was on chat terms with the people working at mine, it was almost at the point of taking tea and cake at one point!
Great that the dogs now wee outside, that is really good progress. To try and stop the excitemen of you being home, try to totally ignore them or tell them to go on their bed as soon as you get through the door, that teaches them that there is nothing exciting about you being back, then when you have got the kettle on, or been to the loo - whatever you do when you get in, you go to the dogs who are now quiet and make a fuss of them without them getting excited. A lot of people get through the door and make a lot of fuss about being back, so the dogs learn that person back = excitement (I am not saying you do this) so they are unwittingly training the dog to jump around when mum/dad get home - then they wonder why they have problems. Quietly doing the opposite to whatever the dog wants to do is the best way to teach them how you want them to behave. 

I will try this, I think I might have created the problem as I was relieved that they hadn't pooed, wee'd, had a fight, died in a freak accident (the floor is so slippy - rug coming tomorrow) I did make a big fuss of them. Previously they didn't worry about me coming home at all - dog 2 would greet me but only walking up to me nothing big. 

I wanted to take the tip guys biscuits at Christmas but obviously Mum was in hospital. Honestly I go there every two weeks! 

SusieT

Buffythedebtslayer said:

SusieT said:

You are doing really well, I know what you mean by the tip, I was on chat terms with the people working at mine, it was almost at the point of taking tea and cake at one point!
Great that the dogs now wee outside, that is really good progress. To try and stop the excitemen of you being home, try to totally ignore them or tell them to go on their bed as soon as you get through the door, that teaches them that there is nothing exciting about you being back, then when you have got the kettle on, or been to the loo - whatever you do when you get in, you go to the dogs who are now quiet and make a fuss of them without them getting excited. A lot of people get through the door and make a lot of fuss about being back, so the dogs learn that person back = excitement (I am not saying you do this) so they are unwittingly training the dog to jump around when mum/dad get home - then they wonder why they have problems. Quietly doing the opposite to whatever the dog wants to do is the best way to teach them how you want them to behave. 

I will try this, I think I might have created the problem as I was relieved that they hadn't pooed, wee'd, had a fight, died in a freak accident (the floor is so slippy - rug coming tomorrow) I did make a big fuss of them. Previously they didn't worry about me coming home at all - dog 2 would greet me but only walking up to me nothing big. 

I wanted to take the tip guys biscuits at Christmas but obviously Mum was in hospital. Honestly I go there every two weeks! 

Not surprising you would have been so relieved at no poo or wee or maimed animals after all you have happening, so totally understandable if you have been making a fuss of them when you get thee. If that is all that has happened it will be very easy to sort out and should stop quickly. Great that you realised it was happening so soon and before it became a problem

Slowdown

Well I have sat in bed this morning and taken an hour to read your entire thread Buffy. I applaud you. 

Goodness, when you read it all at once it’s quite a story and several things come to mind. 

Firstly I admire your staying power. I was a teacher for 27 years and left 6 years ago aged 51. I simply couldn’t take it anymore and haven’t regretted my decision even once. The system is weighted against teachers who simply care and want to do a good job, students that don’t fit a regimented and restrictive model, parents who are unable to engage with either education or their own children in a positive and productive way Sadly it is in favour of a points based league table dreamed up by detached ex public school politicians and morally corrupt academy trusts. 

The extreme stress endured by teachers is in no way beneficial to the future of this country. The very people who wish to better the future of society through education are beaten, bruised and blamed. Hardly the way forward. So again, I applaud your staying power. 

Secondly, you seriously need to cut yourself some slack. Most of us eat toast and biscuits with no heavyweight stress around us, build up debt, have untidy houses, dogs that chew walls and frequently lose the plot without going anywhere near the level of pressure you are under! You are a true survivor even if it doesn’t feel like it. If you know you’re drowning then you’re not dead in the water yet and you can keep trying to save yourself. 

Third and lastly (Phew! I hear you cry) you need to let your friends be friends. I had a friend in need a few years ago and when she asked for my help I felt privileged and valued to be asked. Her house was um.. let’s say akin to yours. I cooked for her children, popped over daily to help her with exercises, cleaned and scrubbed her house, got her shopping. And I now know I can ask the same in return should I ever need it. I didn’t care what her house looked like, I didn’t care what she needed from me. I just wanted to be the best friend I could be and it was a genuine privilege to be that person. Friends don’t care about any of the crap. They care about help. Maybe let them in and they’ll feel as valued and needed as I did. 

Sorry for the long post but I had a lot to catch up on. 

I’m sending hugs, positivity and above all hope. X

milann

Pleased the dogs are adapting and doing the necessaries outside. Also pleased you have a new set of wheels and phone. Love the post by Slowdown…👍

beanielou

Lovely post from @Slowdown.

Buffythedebtslayer

Slowdown said:

Well I have sat in bed this morning and taken an hour to read your entire thread Buffy. I applaud you. 

Goodness, when you read it all at once it’s quite a story and several things come to mind. 

Firstly I admire your staying power. I was a teacher for 27 years and left 6 years ago aged 51. I simply couldn’t take it anymore and haven’t regretted my decision even once. The system is weighted against teachers who simply care and want to do a good job, students that don’t fit a regimented and restrictive model, parents who are unable to engage with either education or their own children in a positive and productive way Sadly it is in favour of a points based league table dreamed up by detached ex public school politicians and morally corrupt academy trusts. 

The extreme stress endured by teachers is in no way beneficial to the future of this country. The very people who wish to better the future of society through education are beaten, bruised and blamed. Hardly the way forward. So again, I applaud your staying power. 

Secondly, you seriously need to cut yourself some slack. Most of us eat toast and biscuits with no heavyweight stress around us, build up debt, have untidy houses, dogs that chew walls and frequently lose the plot without going anywhere near the level of pressure you are under! You are a true survivor even if it doesn’t feel like it. If you know you’re drowning then you’re not dead in the water yet and you can keep trying to save yourself. 

Third and lastly (Phew! I hear you cry) you need to let your friends be friends. I had a friend in need a few years ago and when she asked for my help I felt privileged and valued to be asked. Her house was um.. let’s say akin to yours. I cooked for her children, popped over daily to help her with exercises, cleaned and scrubbed her house, got her shopping. And I now know I can ask the same in return should I ever need it. I didn’t care what her house looked like, I didn’t care what she needed from me. I just wanted to be the best friend I could be and it was a genuine privilege to be that person. Friends don’t care about any of the crap. They care about help. Maybe let them in and they’ll feel as valued and needed as I did. 

Sorry for the long post but I had a lot to catch up on. 

I’m sending hugs, positivity and above all hope. X

Thank you, that is so kind of you to write all that to a stranger. Teaching is quite the !!!!!! show to be honest! and things with my family are very difficult. 

I am not well today, no dinner as couldn't face it. It is just a cold I think, got that horrible hot face/ hot mouth thing going on.  Mum is refusing to watch anything on TV and is honestly being quite selfish which is upsetting. She isn't normally so blatant.  

It is nights like these when you feel like !!!!!! and you have done washing, emptied and refilled the dishwasher fed all the animals, watered plants, done pills, dinner and put away washing and all you want is a bit of guilt free TV and relax and you just get a constant negative crappy attitude. It hurts. 

milann

Have you got a tv in your room…..I know you were trying to sort yourself a space to call your own so you could relax. 

Sorry things are so tough atm 

Buffythedebtslayer

Dear all, 

It is not good news. 

Mum has to make a care contribution. Our local authority allow around 200 a week for bills and any other income (not savings/property) after that goes towards care. 

The care assessor lady was so nice, we were shell shocked. The current care would cost us almost a 1000 a month and we can't afford it. Mum can't afford it. If I wasn't here it might be that she could get it but she doesn't want me to leave because she would have absolutely zero money as she would only have 800  a month for everything and that wouldn't be enough, she would go through her "savings" and then be stuck and I would be off somewhere else with bills etc. We have the "real" financial assessment "at some point" in the future. However we have decided that if she gets visits when I am at work and I "do" the evenings (which is essentially what I have done for  years now) it would be affordable. It puts the bill at about 500. 

I honestly didn't have a clue she would have to pay. Not a clue. I haven't worked everything out yet but it is certainly scary as I was always sure that even if I was up a creek money/future wise mum was ok but it not so now. She has worked and paid taxes her whole life. And now were it not for me she would be bloody destitute. It is insane. And disgusting. How are people managing? And WHY aren't Labour saying more about this? Don't poor people vote????

I will go through Mum's money stuff over the weekend as it might be we can cut back on stuff. I know for certain some bills can be minimised. I know for some people reading this 800 a month might be plenty and I am sure people will be full of MSE advice and I do get it, and I am already cutting things back, I just think it is an awful thing to do a person who really doesn't have a lot of options due to age and disability.  I am doing a lot to help her in all of this but what to people do when they don't have a me??? 

It is so so poor. and seems to happen so easily. 

In other news I am ill, might be covid. Might not. Am typing this in bed having not gone to work which is a whole other set of problems. 

milann

Yup the care system is disgusting. A friend of mine is in a home - literally can’t do anything for himself - needs help with feeding and is totally dependent on people for everything but has to pay £1200 a week. Apparently he doesn’t qualify for nursing care costs 🤷‍♀️ no idea how bad you have to be for that…..he isn’t classed as a danger to himself as he can’t get out of bed and the bed has rails on 🤷🏻‍♀️ It needs a big, big shake up 😡😡 It’s very scary.
Hope you feel better soon….if you’re not fit for work you’re not fit…..get a doctors note and if work get stroppy involve occupational health who are on your side.