A Better Life.

Buffythedebtslayer

Mum..........well to be honest I am not sure how she is. I have gone to see her each day aside from Wednesday. I took her tea today but she didn't like it. She was uncomfortable and tired. Didn't eat much. Was ok conversation wise. It is all very hard.  She won't make a fuss and she won't ask so God knows what it is like when I am not there. 

Tough day. 

Oh we got paid today. And we got some back pay. I put the extra in the savings but I know it will go on the CC after Christmas. 

Everything is so weird. 

Willowtree222

Sorry to hear about your mum. So difficult if they don’t say.

I got the back pay too. 

Hope you’re ok though Buffy? X

Buffythedebtslayer

Willowtree222 said:

Sorry to hear about your mum. So difficult if they don’t say.

I got the back pay too. 

Hope you’re ok though Buffy? X

I am not really.  Carers four times a day and the dogs being shut away somewhere all day. having to be on show all the time for the various visitors - physio and district nurse - I know I sound selfish, it is a lot to deal with. And I don't know when all that is happening. No communication from the hospital. 

I just know how, despite my best efforts to keep mum well and safe and have tried so hard for so long to get her agreement to sort the house out or try various ideas to feel better, now I am left to sort everything out alone - not that my friends won't help they would if I let them but I think my frustration stems from the idea that I knew this would happen. And I am so over whelmed. My sisters are supportive but one keeps suggesting things I asked Mum to do literally YEARS ago or things I have already done and they are both surprised this happened. And I am not. Regardless of what I said simply on the basis Mum could still skype apparently meant she was fine. There is nothing either of them can do given their respective circumstances and the suggestions aren't crazy or critical of me I just wish one of them was here. Going through mum's stuff and deciding what to do with it feels horrible alone. And because mum only let me hoover and change the sheets it is an awful state. 

I had better get on. Porridge is not a good breakfast. Am starving

Grumpelstiltskin

Buffy this is what is obviously behind the hospital wanting to discharge.

Hospitals told to free up beds for ambulance strike - BBC News

But it will no be fair on your mother, you or the dogs and it won't be viable when you go back to work.

Something has to give and give in a big way, you will have to make decisions you don't want to but you can't carry on with that situation.

beanielou

Oh dear. Oh dear.
Sounds grim xxx

Makingabobor2

Oh dear Buffy. I think you really need more help and if you carry on like this, you will be ill and no help to your mum at all.  Maybe you will have to think about more full time care for your mum.  Might be best solution for both of you. 

badmemory

Are those carers long term or just until she is fully up & about?  I hope she doesn't turn into a refusnik like my mother.  They said nothing was stopping her walking as she was fully healed but she just wouldn't.  We assumed it was the dementia saying no I can't.

Buffythedebtslayer

I think the thing at the moment is I have NO idea what is going on. So all of it is a bit pie in the sky. Physio think she is doing well, but there are issues with her blood which I don't want to go in to but they can't send her home till that is sorted. No communication. So I am in limbo one minute assuming the worse the next thinking she might recover 

I have had a long journey home tonight thanks to public transport and as you do you start to think and I came to the conclusion - which to be fair when Mum has had health scares before I have arrived at before is to take it six months at a time and focus on what I can control and remember to be flexible. I choose six months because invariably it coincedes with a holiday a birthday or a celebration. This time it is the end of my exams. 

My plan in the next six months is to pay off my loan, and have 20,000 in savings....... as that would give me options. I owe 4422 on the loan and have about 18835 in savings - some is needed for insurance but it should stay largely intact 

Was going to post about strictly but don't want to give it away. 

Sorting out the house over the few days has been such an eye opener. Hopefully I will get through over the next few weeks and continue with the parring down of "stuff" It seems like a life long job really. I can't fully imagine what a tidy house would look like and I think that is where I get stuck I plan to do it but I never really get past the planning because I don't believe it will ever end! Marie Kondo here I come! 

The doctor talked to me about counselling and meditation so I will set all that up and hopefully get back to the walking. 

I am weirdly hungry. 

Tomorrow it will be full on House stuff, not visiting mum as am worried I will run out of time for the sorting before the equipment arrives from Social services. Has anyone read What Katy did? It was one of my favourite books as a child and I remember Cousin Helen coming to see Katy when she ill and she cleans up Katy's room. It always stuck with me and that is what I 
want to do for Mum's room. 

still hungry. Need to find some food and a blanket. 21 degrees in here and am freezing for some reason. 

XXXXXX 

in_need_of_direction

I know you have your financial targets but have you thought about paying for a deep clean while your mum is out of the house.  It might take a wee bit of pressure off you.

RosaBernicia

so sorry to hear about your mum and all the pressure on you Buffy. 

Re cleaning and clearing, have you considered asking a house clearance company to help?  You can ask them to set aside certain things - I had one clear an area the previous owners left full of carp but keep sentimental stuff to pass to their relatives.  And it was much cheaper than I'd expected, as well a relief not to have to do all the trips to the tip etc.  Alternatively as INOD says, you could get some cleaning help, they must be used to dealing with houses that have something of a backlog!