A Better Life.

Buffythedebtslayer

Thanks every one XX 

I do appreciate all your suggestions and comments. I didn't go yesterday and deeply regret it. When I called (after Mum not answering her phone) she was miserable and thought it was tomorrow I wasn't coming as well and I felt awful. I wish I was more motivated. I am not making any progress. I won't go into to detail but I have been left quite devastated by my sisters. Mum isn't well and I am dealing with everything. I am so envious of people who have good families and I miss my Dad. My friends have all offered to help with the house but I couldn't let any see how I have been living this year. Don't think I haven't regretted leaving the cleaning till the holidays and not making myself  do a bit each day. There is just so much. And then I have Christmas to contend with as well. I haven't decorated at all but I have to wrap presents.

I have run up a massive CC of about 1500, I have opted for a BT 0% which doesn't feel great but until things settle I am reluctant to use my "savings" aside from 462 I have saved for Christmas. I will transfer the 1000 and pay it off monthly.  

I have to leave in an hour. Am going to the supermarket first, just to terrify myself. I need food to eat with Mum. Tomorrow I will go and eat dinner with my sister and then leave for the hospital, I will need food them too. I am dreading tomorrow. 

Never felt less like Christmas in my life. I think the year that Dad died we didn't have a tree but we have always had a tree. I always get it together enough to do it. But this time I am beat. I can't fix it, I can't sort it. There is just rubbish everywhere and the house is freezing. 

Anyhow best get ready to go out. 

Sun_Addict

Everything always seems worse when it goes wrong at Christmas. It seems everyone is having a fantastic time with loads of family/friends coming round. In reality it’s often not the case. I keep thinking of my friend’s husband and how heartbroken he is spending his first Christmas without her and there’ll be many more like him. 

Just try and make the best of it, even if it’s just putting your feet up with a Baileys after you’ve done the hospital visit.

Sending hugs xx

beanielou

Buffster.  Stuff Christmas.
Apart from your mum it does not matter at all.
If I was nearer I would come & help anyway.
Your friends don't care what the house looks like.
Friends are friends.
Much love xxx

SusieT

Please let your friends help you, if they really are friends they will not care about how the house is. 
Visit your mum, and then let the family look after you for a while, no taking food, forget gifts unless they are for children. Think of something simple that YOU would like to do for an hour or so and do it. You do not need a tree or drcorations, sometimes just not having to worry about it and all that we so often feel we need to do to make the day "good" is a huge relief and a gift in itself. 
Pleas be kind to yourself, you are being a wonderful daughter, I just wish a load of us could descend on you to help get the house sorted out, and have you able to relax about that even if we cannot help with other things.

beanielou

Butti & I could help~~or hinder

DawnW

So sorry to hear about your mum, and how miserable you are feeling. Big virtual hugs, and do let people help you.

Willowtree222

Thinking if you x

badmemory

One step at a time.  You are reading this, so where are you?  Look at that, deal with it.  A bit of TV then go to bed.  Back here in the am & come out of there & deal with that.  Take a big break then turn left then deal with that.  etc etc etc.  When you are in a place that isn't next don't look or even see what needs doing.  You know you can do this & will do this.  You've been dealing with this stuff long enough to know that.  Unless your siblings are prepared to do the graft then they should keep their noses out of what you are needing to do. 

If I can do it you certainly can.  2/3 weeks ago I did what seemed the impossible before as I had been trying for well over a year.  5 bags to the tip (thankfully a friend took them for me) 4 bags + 4 boxes to a charity shop & about 30 smaller boxes of china to various friends.  I've been sitting looking at some of this for years but it is now mostly gone.  Thankfully the friends actually wanted the china as we are talking over £2k worth but I was never going to get round to selling it.  The main thing is that it is gone.  The weight off my mind is incredible.

I have a system.  White bin liners for charity & black for the tip.  I couldn't believe the amount of cookware that landed up split between the tip & charity, some had never even been used.  I found the secret is to do a bit then do something for you & repeat.  I used a timer too, so an hour doing & an hour sorting.

You can do this.  You know you can.  But not tomorrow, but definitely the next day.  Otherwise if you are not careful you will land up as big a procrastinator as me.

beanielou

Agree with @badmemory that a timer is fab.

SusieT

I hope you can have some time to switch off and relax today, even if it is something simple like reading in the bath xx