Feels like im going under!

enthusiasticsaver

Oh dear your stepson sounds like your wife.  You do seem to take on responsibility for more than your fair share.  If your wife is working more though that is something.  She just sounds financially irresponsible.  I would struggle to live with someone like that. 

NiteEyez1980

Honestly it's a horror show. 

I am seeing a counsellor once a week and literally they are aghast. 

Even they cannot see a solution that won't see me either living in purgatory or losing everything. 

The last session ended with her saying "I am so so sorry" almost in tears herself.

I'm not even saying this for sympathy. My choices are either purgatory or lose everything and be mid forties living in my car or a bedsit spotless and ruined!!! !!

stymied

Is property any cheaper closer to your work?

kimwp

I've been a bit reluctant to suggest this as I think it shouldn't be that only one person in a relationship controls the finances, but for this situation is there any way the money for essential bills and food could go into an account that your wife doesn't have access to? And could you make her the account holder for bills that don't matter so much or impact her the most eg her mobile (I can't remember exactly how your finances are) and responsible for clothing the children maybe?- basically a fair split of financial responsibilities based on your income but where you each become legally solely responsible for paying them?

Edit- I wrote the above on the basis of my last understanding of the situation - your wife simply not being good with money. Now I have read back a few pages, I really think you need to get out of this situation. Your wife is threatening that divorce will be terrible- but so is your life currently. You are worried about the impact on the kids, but how are they being affected now? You need to consult a lawyer and start gathering evidence.

PM22

Divorce is no fault, isn't it? Why would he gather evidence. Anyone can get divorced on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour....why gather evidence? It won't impact a financial settlement, will it?

kimwp

PM22 said:

Divorce is no fault, isn't it? Why would he gather evidence. Anyone can get divorced on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour....why gather evidence? It won't impact a financial settlement, will it?

Not for the divorce, for division of assets and custody.

kimwp

PM22 said:

Divorce is no fault, isn't it? Why would he gather evidence. Anyone can get divorced on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour....why gather evidence? It won't impact a financial settlement, will it?

Not for the divorce, for division of assets and custody.

EssexHebridean

If you've previously cleared debts for your wife without quibble when you'd not long met, that could shed some light on her attitude now perhaps. We generally try to urge people to never clear debt that belongs to someone else - as that means the person accruing the debt doesn't have the "process" to go through to get it cleared, and so they don't (basically) learn not to do it again. Sounds ever so simplistic, I know,  but that process makes all the difference. 

NiteEyez1980

Hi guys

Just wanted to check in. 

On the bank front all have agreed, defaulted and are giving me space. 

Home is a pure nightmare!!

I have spent a large majority of the last couple of months either sleeping/living in my shed or my car. 

Often it has been a case of fuel for work or eat when in those situations. 

My wife has reverted completely back to type (and then some)  she is so aggrieved at having to go back to work and the lack of financial freedom that she literally can't cope and is almost suffering some ptsd from credit card withdrawal. 

I've literally sold everything I have of any value and as it stands my only possessions are 2 cars worth about 2k tops combined and a bin liner of clothes. 

Sad state of affairs really and all of my own doing. I know what I need to do, but even the advice ive been given is that allowing for mortgage, her staying in propery due to kids and child support I'll be lucky to afford a bedsit and 1 crap meal a day. 

I'm heading towards mid 40s, and have worked hard all my life and it looks like all ive got to look forward to if I leave is a bug hutch and poverty! 

ET22

Hi NiteEyez, Im very sorry to hear your wifes behaviour has not changed. Top and bottom of it is she is abusing you. You need to think about yourself because you need to prioritise your health first and foremost including your mental health which you CANNOT do living in this abusive relationship. If you dont prioritise your health, how can you look after your children? Other people do divorce and sell the family home, why are you different? I think its the mindset you have because you are being abused. You are as IMPORTANT as everyone else is.The children moving to a different property is far preferable to them  witnessing domestic abuse, your wife is a perpetrator. Sorry to be blunt but you need to prioritise your health and keep your children from witnessing this ongoing abuse.if what  I have written here does not convince you then you need to speak to a mens domestic abuse service and urgently xxx