Feels like im going under!

jak

I've just read your diary and it's amazing how much you have managed to change in such a short time! Well done! Just a thought, I got rid of sky when we moved recently and my son has not missed it at all. He's aware of the price rises for everything and I've included him while shopping etc so he can help choose food that's cheaper and he's really enjoying it. 
JAK
x

EssexHebridean

enthusiasticsaver said:

Your diary is a safe place to rant and yes it does appear your wife is not yet on board but unfortunately some tough love will be needed. Unpleasant for you as it would be so much easier for you if she was supportive and not acting like a spoilt teenager. 

Lots of people are having to rein in spending due to the cost of living crisis. Surely she should understand that. 

Do you both have monthly personal spends? That helps keep my DH within budget. For years he was a spender not a saver so we moved to personal monthly spends each  but  this morning he informs me he still has £300 left in his account with the next allowance due next Wednesday. I however am down to my last £50. 

We do the personal spends thing too - and those are entirely our own call how and on what we spend them. MrEH usually runs reasonably tight with his, during the winter months in particular I usually end up saving almost all of mine. I also split mine down further as well into various savings pots of my own as well, with a smaller amount then left for general spends.  I think it can make a real difference psychologically around how we feel about things as well - and even a modest personal spending budget can make the difference between feeling we need to go "cap in hand" to the household budget for every tiny thing we need. 

In the case of your OH, it might also mean that she learns rather faster the nature of budgeting - if there was a "no quibble" amount that you each take (and yes - it is important that you both take it even if you subsequently choose to divert yours back to debt clearance) - and when that amount is gone, it's gone, the first time she reached half way through the month having blown the lot in one night out might well help to focus her mind more clearly on choices - and whether one big blow out is worth more to her than several smaller meet ups with friends for coffee and a chat, for example. 

foxgloves

We have also run a Personal Spends scheme since I first started budgeting to pay off our debts. It started at just £50 a month each then increased to £70 & is currently £100. There are only 2 rules with it:
1) It can be spent on whatever we want, completely free of judgement.
2) When it's gone, it's gone....until Day 1 of the next month's budget cycle.
 Oh....& anything not spent is rolled forward so can be used to save for stuff.
We also usually now add our Prolific survey earnings to our Spends too, although survey money went to debt-busting before we became solvent.
F

NiteEyez1980

Hi guys

Sadly and I do mean sadly, we seem to have regressed. She has and is behaving like a spoilt brat. 

For reasons that escape logic, rationale and jsut plain old reasonability she is kicking off galore about this hardship.... To the point I'm thinking about going to see the gp about some ant-ds for me.

She jsut cant take the word "no" and I'm now being punished as she is for the first time ever having to "no" to invite and her 'wants' 

Of course all this is being levied as a failure on my behalf as a provider.

I said early on this could be a marriage changer and sadly I fear that's the direction its going. 

enthusiasticsaver

That is a shame.  Maybe she might come round in time but sadly living off credit indefinitely is not an option. 

NiteEyez1980

Having had a sitdown she's made it clear that the ceasing of 'spend' is making her 'evaluate' the relationship... Make your own judgements on that.

I knew it wouldn't be easy, and apologies for bringing up here. 

I'm starting to feel like I've been an atm the last 15 years and now the credit line has ceased, so is the relationship 

kimwp

I wonder if it's a bit like a bereavement. She's lost the life she thought she had and is now going through the various stages - denial, anger, bargaining etc maybe? I know it might sound silly, but have you asked her how she feels and just listened and acknowledged what she says? You don't have to agree with what she says, but it feels like a greater understanding between you of the emotions (on both sides) as well as the practicalities is needed to get your marriage through this situation. 

kimwp

NiteEyez1980 said:

Having had a sitdown she's made it clear that the ceasing of 'spend' is making her 'evaluate' the relationship... Make your own judgements on that.

I knew it wouldn't be easy, and apologies for bringing up here. 

I'm starting to feel like I've been an atm the last 15 years and now the credit line has ceased, so is the relationship 

Think we posted at the same time. Don't feel you need to apologise for bringing it up here. Just remember to protect you and your family's identity by not revealing too much, but keep talking.

enthusiasticsaver

This unfortunately is the result of many years of overspending. I am not surprised you feel bad at her wanting to evaluate the relationship but practically she earns almost a pittance so not sure how she thinks you both needing to run separate households will help matters. I think she is further back in this journey than you and I assume you have shown her the figures demonstrating the extent of the debt and overspending? I know it must be tough for you though while she rants about the change of circumstances. There is no quick way out of this though. 

JillyC8

NiteEyez1980 said:

Having had a sitdown she's made it clear that the ceasing of 'spend' is making her 'evaluate' the relationship... Make your own judgements on that.

I knew it wouldn't be easy, and apologies for bringing up here. 

I'm starting to feel like I've been an atm the last 15 years and now the credit line has ceased, so is the relationship 

What other choice do you have? It isn’t like you can say ‘Ok let’s go back to the old days of spend, spend, spend’ is it?

And in a no marriage scenario, she surely knows she’s still liable for paying back her share of the debts? 

I don’t see what the point is of her threatening you … your hands are tied.