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Feels like im going under!

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  • kimwp
    kimwp Posts: 2,928 Forumite
    Fifth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    If it's any help, I don't think it's so much about laying down the law as getting her to understand the situation, which is that credit needs to be paid back so it's not extra money.
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  • Sncjw
    Sncjw Posts: 3,562 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    Have you sat her down and showed her income and outgoings..maybe if she saw it written down it would make sense to her 
    Mortgage free wannabe 

    Actual mortgage stating amount £75,150

    Overpayment paused to pay off cc 

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  • Sncjw said:
    Have you sat her down and showed her income and outgoings..maybe if she saw it written down it would make sense to her 
    Sadly yes. 

    Unfortunately it just evokes a huff, and discontentment. 

    Being honest she is not a reasonable person on certain things. 

    Even at 45 she has an immaturity to her behaviour not too dissimilar to verruca salt at times. 

    Again, my fault as I married her. 
  • JillyC8
    JillyC8 Posts: 204 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Combo Breaker I've been Money Tipped!
    You could put the amount owing on a piece of paper somewhere visible every day so it's a constant reminder and you can both see it reducing week by week. And when the temptation to spend comes up, just point to the latest total. A bit like putting a diet sheet on a fridge door . . .
    Single mum since 2007.
  • Humdinger1
    Humdinger1 Posts: 2,292 Forumite
    Eighth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    @NiteEyez1980 lots of people are reining in spending, even manic socialisers; even seriously rich people.  She might find that if she talked to friends- not necessarily spelling out your joint debt- they'd be relieved and she'd be bang in fashion.  Without wanting to be harsh to either of you, it sounds as if she's been cut off from reality for a while and the new situation may take a while to sink in.  Was the plan to stop working for good when children came along? Did you agree? Few people are in a position to do that these days.  Keep going, you're doing brilliantly love Humdinger xx 4
  • ladyholly
    ladyholly Posts: 3,916 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    I know you are paying off debts and money is tight but does your wife have a going out budget? It might help her to see how much there is available for her night out. For someone who is very sociable to give it all up would be very hard. If she huffs at this I would walk away and just tell her thats whats available and if she doesnt want it you will put it towards your debts. You wont be paying them forever and point out to her the faster you pay them the faster she will have for money for socialising.  After all debts cost money. It is very hard to live with someone who doesnt see the problem but stay with it and you will get there. I have been there and done that with my dh. We are now debt free and I dont spend nights worrying)
  • Your diary is a safe place to rant and yes it does appear your wife is not yet on board but unfortunately some tough love will be needed. Unpleasant for you as it would be so much easier for you if she was supportive and not acting like a spoilt teenager. 

    Lots of people are having to rein in spending due to the cost of living crisis. Surely she should understand that. 

    Do you both have monthly personal spends? That helps keep my DH within budget. For years he was a spender not a saver so we moved to personal monthly spends each  but  this morning he informs me he still has £300 left in his account with the next allowance due next Wednesday. I however am down to my last £50. 
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  • stymied
    stymied Posts: 655 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Just had a thought - have you squirrelled away your annual expenses somewhere or did the debit card being declined mean that all the car/present/emergency fund pots are gone too?
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