Moving on with things

satchmo1

Your wonderful post-vows-post does my heart good, well done. I'm so glad for the turnaround in your outlook. Keep going, keep posting, keep positive.

Iamouttheotherside

@alt80
Thought I would just do a check in, making sure you're still on the path ;-)

With regards to your ex (mate), his ex is certainly doing the right thing putting the children in boarding, they will have "more normality" than seeing the turmoil he brings, they are also protected in the school grounds, should he ever decide to turn up.  As for your current friends, I'm not 100% sure they are doing the right thing, but only time will tell, you will notice when he returns at the Christmas after the first term next year.  It's good that you and your wife despite the boys being good friends have chosen not to follow him, you obviously both know what is right for your son, that is good parenting together.

Good to hear about your business and that you are heading in the right direction, I also like to hear that you do jobs "were needed" it keeps your feet on the ground and also gives you a wider view of the operation side, too many owners sit in offices or their ivory towers and really don't have a clue what is going on half the time.

As for the targets... mmm weather is absolutely dire, its quite depressing me to be honest, we are going away to a lovely island in the Indian Ocean for Christmas and New Year and cannot wait to get some sun on my skin again, I'm turning into a sloth staying indoors with this weather - not good!

As for everything happens for a reason, yes sometimes it's !!!!!!... but one thing, for example for you, if it wasn't for Covid, you wouldn't have commenced the path for getting clean, and you wouldn't have "met" us all.

Anyway I hope the move is going well, don't get stressed about debt repayments for a few months, you have bigger things to sort with the house move, just keep on the clean path more importantly, especially with Christmas festivities looming - even more important.  Have a good week 

alt80

Had a lot of upheaval with moving home, the last of the clear out was !!!!!! hard on both my wife and I mentally tbf I’m sure it has contributed to my state of mind. Not really much financial kickback for it either as must of it was worthless or worth very little. Personal finances I haven’t really even thought about much, need to get back to it, review exactly where we are and set some 2024 goals.

Tbf these past few weeks haven’t been the best, I’ve not been well, physically or mentally. Medical pros are trying to get me back on track. Been to see a load of them but no definitive answers or solutions yet. Generally happy with family life but I think knowing I’ve not achieved what I set out to and now so !!!!!! burned out I’m not sure I can improve things for my family is just !!!!!! tearing me up and causing havoc. Not really even been able to work much by my standards. I am still on the path, never left it and no intention of ever turning back to the stuff before anyone asks. 

Thanks all for your kind words re my vow renewal, will try to respond properly soon.

RelievedSheff

Moving house is always a stressful time. Hopefully once it is all over and done with and you are settled in your new home your mental health will improve again.

Keep at it Alt. We are all routing for your here.

alt80

@Iamouttheotherside 100% re the boarding for my ex-mate's kids. I see him for exactly what he is these days, pity his parents don't. Both good people but no !!!!!! sense when it comes to their son. They call me every now and again asking I take over the management of their property portfolio again as he's !!!!!! it up. Not something I'm getting involved with, I don't think I would if it were the difference between my business surviving or not tbh sounds ridiculous but that's how much I don't want him anywhere near me, my business or my family. His parents know why I've distanced myself both from a personal and business perspective but they reckon he's worse now and apparently that's my and his ex-Mrs' responsibility. Who know's re son's friend, hope it's right for them of course but we've similar doubts. However, it's not our business to be poking our nose into and 100% won't be driven by peer pressure to be sending our boy. He wouldn't be ready for that, no chance that's before we even get into the costs of it ha. 

Know what you mean with some business owners, I know a few like that. Couple that I can think of have done a lot better than I have, most are second generation and I get its different growing a family business than starting from scratch. My view mirrors yours, partly my upbringing, I was always told by my parents that if there's a job I would not be prepared to handle within the business I shouldn't expect someone else to do it. Different industries but I think the sentiment is right for the reasons you state. Past few weeks I've not really done any work in the evenings, idk on one hand I would love to think I could still do what I originally set out to but on the other I wonder if I'll ever get where I need to be.

The weather is freezing up here rn frost hung around all day, don't blame you getting away over Christmas. We are just staying at home, not going away and not hosting either. Just having a small Christmas. Have managed to do ok enough for steps tbf having an energetic dog is probably a blessing so far as that is concerned.

I agree re Covid, look back on it as a big !!!!!! wake up tbh I dread to even think what things would have been like had it not happened and tbf had I not managed to offload a !!!!!! nightmare of a development I shouldn't have got involved with in the first place. I'd have been 100% done for had the housing market not gone !!!!!! mad post-Covid. The odd thing was pre-Covid I didn't even think I had a problem, !!!!!! blissfully ignorant but wrecking the life of my family I was back then. Hate myself for it and for not being able to sort myself out sooner.

We don't go out to parties anymore Christmas time or otherwise, it's a risk too far for me especially if I've had a drink and my guard is down. Haven't moved to taint the new place with the same memories, a bit of fun one evening is not worth the potential risk tbt I'm not even sure it's really that 'fun' now. !!!!!! destroys people and families know that much.

As for my debt repayments, this month has been one of just paying the minimum. I feel next month will probably be similar with a view to making a plan for 2024. Not where I thought I'd be ending up at the end of this year. Part of me has been avoiding posting anything on here for that reason tbf.

@RelievedSheff I hope so, very different moving from a family home to when I used to flip houses that I lived in. It has been difficult going through everything we own. Stress does some !!!!!! horrible things, I know that much.

Thank you.

mark55man

its a long haul Alt - and you've done most of it.  its a common theme amongst us long termers that its the monotony that both helps and hinders - good to get into a routine but its got to be sustainable.

i couldn't imagine moving (weve been here almost 30 years) - I moved a lot as a kid and I've gone the other way as an adult.  A lot of old !!!!!! to clear which I will not be leaving to my kids to do - but not quite ready to tackle it yet

good luck and stay strong - even if you are not doing parties - have a few special nights - the posh meal deals and a film or whatever.  my OH is addicted to the US style xmas films on channel 5 - very !!!!!!! wholesome but sweet

alt80

@mark55man yeah it's definitely a long haul to get to my goal. Realisation of that wasn’t easy, when I started to really look at my personal finances in a critical context I started to see that I’d only been successful in building a house of cards. Some of the criticisms on here I !!!!!! needed and on the days my head was clear really made me think I did need to change my ways. !!!!!! off the card balances for good is only step 1 for me, onto dealing with the various mortgages after that, - not all require paying off in full: BTLs I have paused buying to get the LTVs down to a level where I will have limited personal risk. Realistically I have an over leveraged portfolio currently with personal risk. Vanity led me to my current position with that - I was !!!!!! obsessed with number of units.  Commercial I want to get off the (currently !!!!!! ridiculous rate) mortgage and into a pension, all being well that won’t be too long. Idk how much was “me” and how much was driven by addiction, much like a lot of other things I’ve done in my life. Home I need to sort the I/O component and just get it paid for. I can’t really imagine owning my home outright but I would really like to know what that is like. Getting clean/ therapy/ concentrating on my marriage and family/ Covid/ posting on this board have all made me evaluate the direction in which I was going and the direction in which I would like to go. 

Clearing out the !!!!!! isn’t an easy task, I don’t blame you for putting it off at all. Likewise I understand why you couldn’t imagine moving home. Really this is our first family home; until this move I always had the mindset it was my home, I chose to let my wife and son stay but it wasn’t their home. My wife knew what my view was. I’m certainly not proud of it, it’s something that greatly affected me this past year or so. We can start to look forward now. 

We have special evenings as a family, Saturday we had an earlier time dinner at a restaurant, walked to the Christmas market after and were in for 9pm. Had a great time though. Always enjoy a home cooked meal and a film too, ha know what you mean about the Christmas films mine likes some of those too. 

Just need to sort the !!!!!! sleep out now ha.

RelievedSheff

The sleep will come. Try not to stress too much about it.

mark55man

that's good thinking all round - you can do anything, you just can't do everything

alt80

Thanks both, had a reasonable day, been at the office but left the computer there for the evening. Weather has been !!!!!! awful. Conscious (cheap) day on the spending front. 

I’m really whacked after a poor night’s sleep so just planning to put some music on or a light podcast, hopefully drift off to sleep at a reasonable hour. @RelievedSheff I know, thanks. One thing I have learned is it does come back, some good nights, some not so. It is what it is.

@mark55man yeah think you have a good point there, thanks. Although I am very much committed to getting debt free, especially the card balances, this coming year my biggest commitments are going to be to my health and my family. Business is not in a bad place - I need to get the stress under control before I can really go for growth. In the meantime, we’ll be consolidating which isn’t a bad thing, be in a better position to grow when the time does come. Trying to keep off the news too, it gets me down when all the articles relate to one atrocity after another.