Cruise with in-laws for 60th?

Adamc

silvercar said:

Don't do it.
If it ends badly you'll regret wasting your money and annual leave on a holiday you haven't enjoyed with people you don't want to holiday with.
If it works out OK, they will want to repeat the idea of holidaying together. Often.
If it works out well, they will forever be choosing the holiday destination and cost and you'll never be able to holiday without them until option 1 occurs.

I had thought of it as a bit of a one off ... I feel I've made things worse by not discouraging the idea when it was first brought up months ago. 

Pollycat

Adamc said:

silvercar said:

Don't do it.
If it ends badly you'll regret wasting your money and annual leave on a holiday you haven't enjoyed with people you don't want to holiday with.
If it works out OK, they will want to repeat the idea of holidaying together. Often.
If it works out well, they will forever be choosing the holiday destination and cost and you'll never be able to holiday without them until option 1 occurs.

I had thought of it as a bit of a one off ... I feel I've made things worse by not discouraging the idea when it was first brought up months ago. 

I think you have made things worse.

You knew that your in-laws had tried to gate-crash your spa birthday treat.
I find that quite creepy and definitely a warning that they are clingy.
By agreeing to go on this cruise, you've given them an 'in' and it's likely to be harder to discourage them from expecting the next holiday to be a foursome.

TripleH

My in-laws are far too sensible to invite me on a cruise. I do not operate well on boats and would be rather unwell.

How good are you on a boat long-term and have you done it before? If its hot once you go down hill it can be hard to recover.

I can manage quite well with my FIL for a holiday but MIL is so noisy and always has lots planned when all we want to do is sit quietly and regenerate.

Pre covid striking, we were going on holiday and meeting up with SIL and her husband and then in-laws were getting a cruise that stopped off on the same island at the same time so we could all meet up. Could you Island hop inthe vicinity so you have time with them and time yo your selves as a compromise?

Does your wife 'want to go' or does she 'feel obliged' to go?

For the cost of a cruise there are other things I'd rather do and I'd resent that I have to give up so much timeand money on something I'd hate.

Marmaduke123

If it was a 60th wedding anniversary I could understand it, but a 60th birthday! I wonder why they want your wife and you to go along - is it that they don't enjoy each other's company? Have you been on holiday with them before?

Your wife seems to have agreed already, so you are in a difficult position. Have your inlaws actually booked this cruise? I would definitely say no if it's not the type of holiday you would choose, maybe treat them to a short break or a lovely meal somewhere to celebrate their birthdays (if you can afford it)

pinkshoes

Adamc said:

Pollycat said:

OP
You talk about cruising may not be for you but you haven't mentioned how well you get on with your in-laws.
And what their expectations are. e.g. do they expect you to stay together for the whole time?
Seeing them for a couple of hours a week would be very different to spending a couple of weeks having breakfast, lunch & dinner with them.

From a purely selfish perspective, I wouldn't want to use my annual leave entitlement for a holiday that I've not chosen.

We're paying individually. 

Deal breaker!! 

If they were paying, then sure go along! Sacrifice the annual leave and a destination not your own choice vs getting a free holiday.

But if you have to pay your own way, then for me it would be a NO! 

How long have you been with your partner? Sounds like she comes with 2 extras!!

GaleSF63

It sounds as if it's likely to cause friction whether you go or not,  so better go for the option that suits you best!

maman

Just for information. I've been on a Caribbean cruise. I did a fly cruise where we sailed around the islands. The ship sailed at night and visited a different island each day. There was the option to get off and explore or stay on board and relax. Some islands are big enough for a coach excursion, some small enough to walk around.

On board there were choices of restaurants for breakfast and dinner (and lunch and tea if you stay on board). There was dancing and entertainment like shows if you want or even a library or casino if that's your thing. 

Obviously the cost, annual leave and family dynamics will influence your decision but please don't think there's nothing to do. 

TripleH

Reading it, I suspect the expectation is that the Op will do 'all activities' available within in-laws

Brie

I'm going to take the radical approach and suggest you say yes.  Well actually yes, but.

Yes I'd love to go.  But you know all that money we'll be spending won't be available to upgrade our cold house so it's suitable for kids.  Shame you'd miss out on being grandparents.

Yes I'd love to go.  But I insist on us all being on the same corridor/floor and we can only afford the really cheap rooms.  Might not be too much of a holiday.  But you'd be ok in steerage, right?

Yes I'd love to go.  But, have you seen the excursions!!  Tell you what, why don't we both go parasailing on your actual birthday!?!  I know you are scared of heights and have a heart condition but you only live once!!!  And what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!!!!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Yes I'd love to go.  But don't tell the wife but I've heard there's a great bordello in Caracas that we might visit. (offer to either FiL or MiL as you prefer)

MalMonroe

Adamc said:

silvercar said:

Don't do it.
If it ends badly you'll regret wasting your money and annual leave on a holiday you haven't enjoyed with people you don't want to holiday with.
If it works out OK, they will want to repeat the idea of holidaying together. Often.
If it works out well, they will forever be choosing the holiday destination and cost and you'll never be able to holiday without them until option 1 occurs.

I had thought of it as a bit of a one off ... I feel I've made things worse by not discouraging the idea when it was first brought up months ago. 

Just say no. Interestingly, I've just read a very interesting article in the UK Guardian today - link below.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/jul/21/learned-say-no-people-think-assertive-briton-us-age-pandemic

It is SUCH a British thing! If an American or Canadian didn't want to do something, they would just say so. But we Brits, no. We just cannot do it. And reading some of the comments on this forum, I have to say, 'typical brits'. We pussyfoot around, umming and ahhhing and not being able to say NO. Why?

You will be paying money you could be saving for your dream trip for a cruise you don't want to be on. I've been on a cruise in the Caribbean and I can tell you that it's not all it's cracked up to be. You are stuck on a ship with the SAME people day in and day out and it gets tedious and you are different age groups and you don't even want to be there. Yes, they have stops and you can get off the ship but then you have to get ON again! My then-OH was seasick at the slightest tremor of the big ship sailing on the addy addy oh,so that was bliss. He missed out on most things that were going on and after the trip vowed never to go near a ship again.

Doesn't matter whether or not you 'discouraged' the idea months ago or not. Speak up now.  And just say no. You know you want to.

Unfortunately, your wife doesn't appear to have broken ties with her parents as yet and that's fatal for any marriage. I was the same. My marriage lasted for 17 years and only after it broke up (and left me as a single parent) did I realise that I should have ceased to consider my parents as my close family because my husband had taken that space. I do regret not realising that sooner. My parents were lovely, don't get me wrong and they were not the clingy ones. It was me, to my eternal shame. A lesson learned the very hard way.

It may be time to re-start life - this time as two couples, rather than as a family of four.