Cruise with in-laws for 60th?

Adamc

My in-laws want to go on a Caribbean cruise for one of their milestone birthdays. I'm not sure if cruising would be for me. There's also so many other places that I'd prefer to visit before having kids etc. It's also a huge chunk of my annual leave. Is life to short or should I suck it up and take one for the team? There's a chance I might like it. Partner is happy to go. I haven't broached the 'why don't the three of you go' convo and from past experience may need to tread carefully. 

GrumpyDil

Difficult one which depends largely upon family dynamics. 

My wife and children went on several holidays with MIL where I wasn't able to go because e.g the timings were not suitable because of annual leave availability etc and these are still a bone of contention several years later. 

As this is a special and given you might even enjoy it (I actually enjoy cruises because of the variety of places you get to see) I would probably make an effort to go but that is a personal choice as only you know your family dynamics and what impact not going might have! 

TBagpuss

Maybe look at it as an investment in your relatiohsip with them and with your partner? 

As you say, you might like it - for isntance, while the Caribbean might not be your first choice, it's likely that you would find things to enjoy.

If you paln ahead and talk with your Partner then you can agree on how much togetherness with their parents you are comfortable with - obviosuly you'd need to disucss this and it would depend on the legth of the cruise, where it called etc but it might include that might include things like talking about making sure that you and your partner have some time for the two of you, agreeing that you aren't committed to eating every meal with the parents, thinking about excursions and coming to an agreement on those (e.g. that you and here will do want you want and his parents can join you or not as they want / that you agree to do x number of things they pick / want but chose your own other than that.

I think it would also be sensible for your partner to talk to their parents to check on what they expect - you don't want to get to the ship and find that they expect to spend evey day joined at the hip and doing whatever they pick because it's their celebration, while you need some alone time / want to do things with just your partner / have different interests. 

Also - are there any other compromises - e.g. a shorter cruise or one in the Aegean rather than the Carribean which they would enjoy but which wouldn't take up quite so much time etc? 

bap98189

Personally I would hate a cruise - especially to a hot place like the Carribean. Many people love sitting around in the sun doing nothing but to me it would be a nightmare. I get on with my in-laws but only really see them for a couple of days at a time. The prospect of spending a week or a fortnight cooped up on a boat with them would be one step too far for me. I guess it depends how much you can cope with both factors. Me I would be saying no right away. I have other ways I would much prefer to spend my holiday and money.

lisyloo

There are loads of things to do on cruises both on land and on sea.
and as scenic or adventurous as you like.
you don’t have to be joined at the hip.
in fact sometimes it’s really nice to do different things and then discuss at dinner.

however if it was a lot of leave or money then I’d think carefully.
its no good if you are going to hold a grudge forever.
sometimes saying no is better up front and not as hard as you think.
id discuss how you feel with your partner and talk it through.
maybe it’s really important to them, maybe it isn’t.
youll only know if you discuss.

Mojisola

Adamc said:

My in-laws want to go on a Caribbean cruise for one of their milestone birthdays.

So why aren't they going as a couple?

What's the reasoning behind wanting you two along as well?

RogerBareford

bap98189 said:

Personally I would hate a cruise - especially to a hot place like the Carribean. Many people love sitting around in the sun doing nothing but to me it would be a nightmare. I get on with my in-laws but only really see them for a couple of days at a time. The prospect of spending a week or a fortnight cooped up on a boat with them would be one step too far for me. I guess it depends how much you can cope with both factors. Me I would be saying no right away. I have other ways I would much prefer to spend my holiday and money.

There is lots to do on a Cruise ship so it certainly isn't just "sitting around in the sun doing nothing" and even if you stayed on the ship you could never run into each other unless you planned it due to the size of some of them. Also you could be docked at a different place each day to explore which offers much more variety than a traditional one destination holiday.

RogerBareford

Adamc said:

My in-laws want to go on a Caribbean cruise for one of their milestone birthdays. I'm not sure if cruising would be for me. There's also so many other places that I'd prefer to visit before having kids etc. It's also a huge chunk of my annual leave. Is life to short or should I suck it up and take one for the team? There's a chance I might like it. Partner is happy to go. I haven't broached the 'why don't the three of you go' convo and from past experience may need to tread carefully. 

Have you planned to go somewhere else instead during the same holiday period that you would no longer be able to go to?

If you have already planned all your holidays and destinations and would then have to miss one or two out to go on this cruise then that would be a good enough reason not to go in my opinion. If your just thinking about other places you could go instead but probably wouldn't then i would say a Caribbean Cruise is worth going on if you like exploring.

elsien

I did a cruise for a big parental birthday. It wasn’t a huge cruise ship it was one of the Hrutigruten northern lights ones. We spent a lot of time off the boat - nights in ice hotel, etc. And because the ship was one that did stops at the towns along the way for goods drop off, I could get off it for half an hour to an hour at each time.
But when I was onboard, I was going stir crazy and resorting to doing laps of the deck. And due to being a cheaper cabin, I kept thinking “if this sinks I’m never going to get out.”

On that basis, however much people tell me how much there is to do on a cruise, I’m fairly sure I’d hate it. I don’t want entertainment. I want to be able to get away from people and mooch off on walks whenever I want to. And spend as long as I like in a place. And I don’t want to be crammed into a comparatively confined space with a load of other people. Depends on how similar your outlook is to mine. I could possibly tolerate a week for the sake of harmonious family relations if I really had to, Otherwise they’d be jetting off without me.  

Ms_Chocaholic

Who's paying?

Pollycat

OP
You talk about cruising may not be for you but you haven't mentioned how well you get on with your in-laws.
And what their expectations are. e.g. do they expect you to stay together for the whole time?
Seeing them for a couple of hours a week would be very different to spending a couple of weeks having breakfast, lunch & dinner with them.

From a purely selfish perspective, I wouldn't want to use my annual leave entitlement for a holiday that I've not chosen.