Cruise with in-laws for 60th?

Flugelhorn

Adamc said:

Pollycat said:

OP
You talk about cruising may not be for you but you haven't mentioned how well you get on with your in-laws.
And what their expectations are. e.g. do they expect you to stay together for the whole time?
Seeing them for a couple of hours a week would be very different to spending a couple of weeks having breakfast, lunch & dinner with them.

From a purely selfish perspective, I wouldn't want to use my annual leave entitlement for a holiday that I've not chosen.

We're paying individually. 

I get on okay with in-laws but do have to rise above some of their comments: "this house is too old and cold to bring children up in". We have no kids currently. 

As I'm busy I don't spend a lot of time with them. My wife visits several times a week. As they have very few friends close by them they get lonely and call her everyday and say they miss her. The wider family dynamic is complex. They often make food and ask my wife to collect it on her way back from work or else it will be wasted. 

I'm not sure what their expectations will be but I am assuming (perhaps presumptuously) that they would like to spend most meals together, go on most trips together, and have sun loungers close by. 

I missed a trip the three of them went on to a big city in Europe and they did squabble. Stubborn dad didn't want to walk around in the drizzle so suggested they go to a bar. The ladies wanted to seize the day so dragged him along and had to put up with his complaints. Totally different holiday though right? 

Just don't do it - they are clearly a bit clingy and you will spend the whole time in their company - you will hate it, or you will end up keeping Dad company in a bar while the ladies go shopping....

.Not saying that this is the case but sometimes parents find it a badge of honour amongst friends that "the whole family are coming on holiday with us" etc. My mother sulked dreadfully when we wouldn't agree to this "as all her friends went on holiday with their family"

PS just realised this is their 60th?? they need to get a grip, I went to IKEA on my 60th, I think one of the kids was at Uni and the other was abroad also at Uni 

jjj1980

It would be an absolute no from me, without even needing to take time to consider it.  I have zero desire to ever go in a cruise, no matter how many people tel me they have loved the ones they go on it just holds no interest for me.  Also the idea of going on holiday with in-laws, nah not a chance.  My ex-in-laws once asked my and ex if we would go on a one-night break with them and I refused.  Had no desire to spend any leisure time with them.

yvonne13_2

Adamc said:

My in-laws want to go on a Caribbean cruise for one of their milestone birthdays. I'm not sure if cruising would be for me. There's also so many other places that I'd prefer to visit before having kids etc. It's also a huge chunk of my annual leave. Is life to short or should I suck it up and take one for the team? There's a chance I might like it. Partner is happy to go. I haven't broached the 'why don't the three of you go' convo and from past experience may need to tread carefully. 

Seems like your only thinking about yourself, when actually the cruise is the choice of the milestone couple. If you don't want to go or can't afford it just tell them and don't go.

Pollycat

yvonne13_2 said:

Adamc said:

My in-laws want to go on a Caribbean cruise for one of their milestone birthdays. I'm not sure if cruising would be for me. There's also so many other places that I'd prefer to visit before having kids etc. It's also a huge chunk of my annual leave. Is life to short or should I suck it up and take one for the team? There's a chance I might like it. Partner is happy to go. I haven't broached the 'why don't the three of you go' convo and from past experience may need to tread carefully. 

Seems like your only thinking about yourself, when actually the cruise is the choice of the milestone couple. If you don't want to go or can't afford it just tell them and don't go.

It would be different if the milestone couple were paying for the OP to go on the cruise that they've chosen.
But that's not the case.
The milestone couple want to go on a Caribbean cruise but they expect the OP to pay for himself and his wife.
Perfectly reasonable for the OP to be thinking about himself in that situation.

Ms_Chocaholic

When i asked who was paying I thought you would say them and then you would be in an even more difficult position.  As you are paying though I'd be saying a definite NO!  If they're like that now and they're only 60, what will they be like when they're 70, 80.  God help you.  Does your wife have any siblings? Has your wife already said you are going?

Adamc

Ms_Chocaholic said:

When i asked who was paying I thought you would say them and then you would be in an even more difficult position.  As you are paying though I'd be saying a definite NO!  If they're like that now and they're only 60, what will they be like when they're 70, 80.  God help you.  Does your wife have any siblings? Has your wife already said you are going?

Wife has no siblings. She has confirmed she will go. I think it was assumed it's a given I'll go too which is awkward. 

Adamc

Ms_Chocaholic said:

When i asked who was paying I thought you would say them and then you would be in an even more difficult position.  As you are paying though I'd be saying a definite NO!  If they're like that now and they're only 60, what will they be like when they're 70, 80.  God help you.  Does your wife have any siblings? Has your wife already said you are going?

My wife got me a spa weekend for my birthday. We saw my in-laws' friends a week later who revealed the in-laws had told them of my wife's plan. They said they tried to book into the spa too but it was fully booked. I causer offense by saying I couldn't think of anything worse than someone tagging along at a spa uninvited. Perhaps a little insensitive but I wouldn't even want a close friend coming on such an occasion never mind friends of the in laws. That's just me when it comes to spas. Nice people but no way. 

Pollycat

From your latest post, I think the holiday may turn out to be a bit more than 'swkward'. 

silvercar

Don't do it.
If it ends badly you'll regret wasting your money and annual leave on a holiday you haven't enjoyed with people you don't want to holiday with.
If it works out OK, they will want to repeat the idea of holidaying together. Often.
If it works out well, they will forever be choosing the holiday destination and cost and you'll never be able to holiday without them until option 1 occurs.

74jax

I personally wouldn't but would wave my OH and his family off quite happily. 

You and your wife could always have a holiday of your choosing, and say 'we are going here on this date if you want to pay to join us'... Obviously if you want them too.