Cruise with in-laws for 60th?

MalMonroe

Brie said:

I'm going to take the radical approach and suggest you say yes.  Well actually yes, but.

Yes I'd love to go.  But you know all that money we'll be spending won't be available to upgrade our cold house so it's suitable for kids.  Shame you'd miss out on being grandparents.

Yes I'd love to go.  But I insist on us all being on the same corridor/floor and we can only afford the really cheap rooms.  Might not be too much of a holiday.  But you'd be ok in steerage, right?

Yes I'd love to go.  But, have you seen the excursions!!  Tell you what, why don't we both go parasailing on your actual birthday!?!  I know you are scared of heights and have a heart condition but you only live once!!!  And what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!!!!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Yes I'd love to go.  But don't tell the wife but I've heard there's a great bordello in Caracas that we might visit. (offer to either FiL or MiL as you prefer)

I know this is all meant tongue-in-cheek (it is, right?) but this is pure pussyfooting, as well as being passive-aggressive. Why can't the OP (or any of us for that matter) just come right out with it and say NO? It's what we mean, after all. 

That way there's never any doubt as to what we REALLY think, feel and want to do.

Savvy_Sue

TripleH said:

Reading it, I suspect the expectation is that the Op will do 'all activities' available within in-laws

is it just my mind boggling at the thought of this? Given what we spend more time doing on holiday than we manage at home ... 

ellenvan

The trouble with your wife going and you not is cruises are sold per cabin - so price for one or two in a cabin almost always the same. Given you would save the air fare in most cases.

Ms_Chocaholic

Maybe she can sleep between her parents

RogerBareford

MalMonroe said:

Adamc said:

silvercar said:

Don't do it.
If it ends badly you'll regret wasting your money and annual leave on a holiday you haven't enjoyed with people you don't want to holiday with.
If it works out OK, they will want to repeat the idea of holidaying together. Often.
If it works out well, they will forever be choosing the holiday destination and cost and you'll never be able to holiday without them until option 1 occurs.

I had thought of it as a bit of a one off ... I feel I've made things worse by not discouraging the idea when it was first brought up months ago. 

Just say no. Interestingly, I've just read a very interesting article in the UK Guardian today - link below.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/jul/21/learned-say-no-people-think-assertive-briton-us-age-pandemic

It is SUCH a British thing! If an American or Canadian didn't want to do something, they would just say so. But we Brits, no. We just cannot do it. And reading some of the comments on this forum, I have to say, 'typical brits'. We pussyfoot around, umming and ahhhing and not being able to say NO. Why?

You will be paying money you could be saving for your dream trip for a cruise you don't want to be on. I've been on a cruise in the Caribbean and I can tell you that it's not all it's cracked up to be. You are stuck on a ship with the SAME people day in and day out and it gets tedious and you are different age groups and you don't even want to be there. Yes, they have stops and you can get off the ship but then you have to get ON again! My then-OH was seasick at the slightest tremor of the big ship sailing on the addy addy oh,so that was bliss. He missed out on most things that were going on and after the trip vowed never to go near a ship again.

Doesn't matter whether or not you 'discouraged' the idea months ago or not. Speak up now.  And just say no. You know you want to.

Unfortunately, your wife doesn't appear to have broken ties with her parents as yet and that's fatal for any marriage. I was the same. My marriage lasted for 17 years and only after it broke up (and left me as a single parent) did I realise that I should have ceased to consider my parents as my close family because my husband had taken that space. I do regret not realising that sooner. My parents were lovely, don't get me wrong and they were not the clingy ones. It was me, to my eternal shame. A lesson learned the very hard way.

It may be time to re-start life - this time as two couples, rather than as a family of four.

I don't really understand this point of view. Yes you are staying on the same ship with the same people for the duration but it's no different than staying at a hotel for a week. If you stayed at a hotel for a week like a lot of people do on holiday then you go out during the day but end up back at the same hotel each night so it's no different really. Going on a cruise is bascially like staying at an all inclusive resourt but better because you have more choice for food and have a different location to explore almost every day.

elsien

It’s very different to staying in a hotel, from my perspective. It’s the feeling of being confined; of having to go with the planned itinerary; of not being able to choose not to eat in the hotel for meals; of always having other people around even if you’re not interacting with them. 

I wouldn’t stay in an all inclusive resort either. 

Meh. 

maman

From reading comments, I suppose it varies on the size of the ship. My Caribbean cruise was on quite a large ship and sailing was almost completely overnight so I didn't feel trapped. There were many restaurants and choices of evening entertainment.

But that's not what's at issue here. Even OP agreed he might enjoy a Caribbean cruise. He has to decide whether to sign up (and pay) and give up some annual leave for a holiday his wife and her parents are going on to celebrate their big birthdays. 

RogerBareford

elsien said:

It’s very different to staying in a hotel, from my perspective. It’s the feeling of being confined; of having to go with the planned itinerary; of not being able to choose not to eat in the hotel for meals; of always having other people around even if you’re not interacting with them. 

I wouldn’t stay in an all inclusive resort either. 

Meh. 

It sounds like cruising is not for you because you feel confined which is fair enough but i would like to make a few comments for anyone else reading this.

I personally don't feel confined at all. You have a room which are similar in size to hotel rooms plus a balcony too (if you choose that option). On many cruises you dock early and leave late so can actually have breakfast lunch and dinner off the ship if you so choose.

But if you eat onboard there are usually a good range of restaurants so your not just stuck eating in one. I'm not sure what you mean by always having people around you because strangers arn't in your room and if you stay in a hotel there will be people outside anyway just like if you leave your room on a ship.

To me it's just like a moving hotel. Yes the itinary is fixed but you obviously choose which cruise you want to go on and even if your staying in a hotel your going to do an element of pre-planning activities to get the most out of it.

But saying all of that i wouldn't choose it for every holiday at all, it's basically best compared to a city break and it's also nice to have country breaks aswell.

tooldle

Out of interest, how many passengers are there on an average cruise ship? I tend to agree with elsien's perspective. I wouldn't choose an all inclusive resort nor would i choose a large hotel. The feeling of being amongst a large number of people and the element of not being to escape from these people, would be too much for me. Yes, its possible to go ashore and i wonder if it really is possible to escape from the thousands of fellow passengers who will also go ashore at the same time. 

Pollycat

tooldle said:

Out of interest, how many passengers are there on an average cruise ship? I tend to agree with elsien's perspective. I wouldn't choose an all inclusive resort nor would i choose a large hotel. The feeling of being amongst a large number of people and the element of not being to escape from these people, would be too much for me. Yes, its possible to go ashore and i wonder if it really is possible to escape from the thousands of fellow passengers who will also go ashore at the same time. 

I too agree with Elsien.
I wouldn't choose all-inclusive or a large hotel.
We usually go self-catering in Greece/Turkey or a boutique hotel in the Far East.

A friend has recently been on her first cruise and loved it. They sat at the same table with the same people. Not for me.