Cruise with in-laws for 60th?

Adamc

Pollycat said:

OP
You talk about cruising may not be for you but you haven't mentioned how well you get on with your in-laws.
And what their expectations are. e.g. do they expect you to stay together for the whole time?
Seeing them for a couple of hours a week would be very different to spending a couple of weeks having breakfast, lunch & dinner with them.

From a purely selfish perspective, I wouldn't want to use my annual leave entitlement for a holiday that I've not chosen.

We're paying individually. 

I get on okay with in-laws but do have to rise above some of their comments: "this house is too old and cold to bring children up in". We have no kids currently. 

As I'm busy I don't spend a lot of time with them. My wife visits several times a week. As they have very few friends close by them they get lonely and call her everyday and say they miss her. The wider family dynamic is complex. They often make food and ask my wife to collect it on her way back from work or else it will be wasted. 

I'm not sure what their expectations will be but I am assuming (perhaps presumptuously) that they would like to spend most meals together, go on most trips together, and have sun loungers close by. 

I missed a trip the three of them went on to a big city in Europe and they did squabble. Stubborn dad didn't want to walk around in the drizzle so suggested they go to a bar. The ladies wanted to seize the day so dragged him along and had to put up with his complaints. Totally different holiday though right? 

Pollycat

Adamc said:

Pollycat said:

OP
You talk about cruising may not be for you but you haven't mentioned how well you get on with your in-laws.
And what their expectations are. e.g. do they expect you to stay together for the whole time?
Seeing them for a couple of hours a week would be very different to spending a couple of weeks having breakfast, lunch & dinner with them.

From a purely selfish perspective, I wouldn't want to use my annual leave entitlement for a holiday that I've not chosen.

We're paying individually. 

I get on okay with in-laws but do have to rise above some of their comments: "this house is too old and cold to bring children up in". We have no kids currently. 

As I'm busy I don't spend a lot of time with them. My wife visits several times a week. As they have very few friends close by them they get lonely and call her everyday and say they miss her. The wider family dynamic is complex. They often make food and ask my wife to collect it on her way back from work or else it will be wasted. 

I'm not sure what their expectations will be but I am assuming (perhaps presumptuously) that they would like to spend most meals together, go on most trips together, and have sun loungers close by. 

I missed a trip the three of them went on to a big city in Europe and they did squabble. Stubborn dad didn't want to walk around in the drizzle so suggested they go to a bar. The ladies wanted to seize the day so dragged him along and had to put up with his complaints. Totally different holiday though right? 

Same people though...

How would you feel about having to rise above comments on a holiday that you have probably spent a lot of money on and may not be enjoying as much as you hoped?

Adamc

Pollycat said:

Adamc said:

Pollycat said:

OP
You talk about cruising may not be for you but you haven't mentioned how well you get on with your in-laws.
And what their expectations are. e.g. do they expect you to stay together for the whole time?
Seeing them for a couple of hours a week would be very different to spending a couple of weeks having breakfast, lunch & dinner with them.

From a purely selfish perspective, I wouldn't want to use my annual leave entitlement for a holiday that I've not chosen.

We're paying individually. 

I get on okay with in-laws but do have to rise above some of their comments: "this house is too old and cold to bring children up in". We have no kids currently. 

As I'm busy I don't spend a lot of time with them. My wife visits several times a week. As they have very few friends close by them they get lonely and call her everyday and say they miss her. The wider family dynamic is complex. They often make food and ask my wife to collect it on her way back from work or else it will be wasted. 

I'm not sure what their expectations will be but I am assuming (perhaps presumptuously) that they would like to spend most meals together, go on most trips together, and have sun loungers close by. 

I missed a trip the three of them went on to a big city in Europe and they did squabble. Stubborn dad didn't want to walk around in the drizzle so suggested they go to a bar. The ladies wanted to seize the day so dragged him along and had to put up with his complaints. Totally different holiday though right? 

Same people though...

How would you feel about having to rise above comments on a holiday that you have probably spent a lot of money on and may not be enjoying as much as you hoped?

To put it mildly: miffed. 

Pollycat

Adamc said:

Pollycat said:

Adamc said:

Pollycat said:

OP
You talk about cruising may not be for you but you haven't mentioned how well you get on with your in-laws.
And what their expectations are. e.g. do they expect you to stay together for the whole time?
Seeing them for a couple of hours a week would be very different to spending a couple of weeks having breakfast, lunch & dinner with them.

From a purely selfish perspective, I wouldn't want to use my annual leave entitlement for a holiday that I've not chosen.

We're paying individually. 

I get on okay with in-laws but do have to rise above some of their comments: "this house is too old and cold to bring children up in". We have no kids currently. 

As I'm busy I don't spend a lot of time with them. My wife visits several times a week. As they have very few friends close by them they get lonely and call her everyday and say they miss her. The wider family dynamic is complex. They often make food and ask my wife to collect it on her way back from work or else it will be wasted. 

I'm not sure what their expectations will be but I am assuming (perhaps presumptuously) that they would like to spend most meals together, go on most trips together, and have sun loungers close by. 

I missed a trip the three of them went on to a big city in Europe and they did squabble. Stubborn dad didn't want to walk around in the drizzle so suggested they go to a bar. The ladies wanted to seize the day so dragged him along and had to put up with his complaints. Totally different holiday though right? 

Same people though...

How would you feel about having to rise above comments on a holiday that you have probably spent a lot of money on and may not be enjoying as much as you hoped?

To put it mildly: miffed. 

Precisely.

It also sounds like they are quite dependent on and demanding of your wife's time and attention.
Maybe instead of asking you to go, they should be looking to go on their own and make friends during the cruise.
I think your wife is putting you in a somewhat awkward position.

gwynlas

Just say no. You can say thay you have never wanted to go on a cruise so not prepared to start with multi generational. Encourage in laws to go they are only 60 so should not be stuck in their ways and could make new friends which they are unlikely to do if you travel as a foursome. Get your wife on board with encouraging them to be more independent otherwise you might end up spending every holiday with them.

Threebabes

I would bail. If you weren’t having to pay fair enough but to use your annual leave and money. It would be a no from me.

Skiddaw1

Me too. In fact, if I was the in-laws, the last thing I'd want is the kids coming along and ruining our 60th birthday trip! It's hard for your wife however as I expect they're very adept at playing the guilt card if she doesn't call them every day/pop by regularly. Not very healthy if you ask me.

JGB1955

We took our children and grandchildren away for our 40th wedding anniversary, but it was only a holiday cottage in Devon, over the Easter holidays.  No way would I expect them to pay....  Expecting someone to pay for the 'privilege' of sharing your celebration is bizarre...  

Marvel1

They sound clingy and looks like would want to spend everyday with your both, and if the type of holiday is not for me, no chance I am wasting the money or annual leave.

tooldle

Thin end of the wedge, potentially. If you go along with the plan, they might come back with another suggestion for later in the year.