The Mental Debt Struggle...

Cherryfudge

Thanks for posting @Keedie. Look after yourself. x

beanielou

Take care xx

Keedie

The last 10 days or so have been rather hellish. I've been all over the place mentally and physically been in so much pain, I've just felt really fed up with life and annoyed at myself and the world. But things are starting to turn the inevitable corner, and although I still feel like I'm wading through quicksand as my body feels sore and heavy and my mind feels like I'm underwater, there's a beacon of hope. And I'm clinging onto it for dear life. 

I saw the doctor this morning, and he's referring me for physio in my shoulders, as I've lost a lot of range of movement, especially in my right shoulder. The pain is excruciating if I catch it at the wrong angle. Like trying to put on my rucksack or seatbelt. He's given me some ibruprofen gel to rub on my shoulder. And the optician saw my stye that won't quit and did another in depth eye pressure and photo of the back of the eye type of eye test, and said that the heat therapy and eye drops isn't that effective as is. So I have upped the heat compress to 4 times a day and eye drops whenever my eyes feel dry or itchy. She's made a referral for the blocked duct to be drained by via a small incision at the hospital. I've no intention of letting people with a needle or scalpel near my eye, so I'll keep trying with the treatment in the hope that it clears up by itself before the appointment time comes around and I cancel the appointment for someone else to use it. I'm glad that the heat compress is helping @Cherryfudge, I find it really useful but I think as I've used it so much, it now doesn't remain as hot for the full 10 minutes. 

As it's been Mental Health Awareness Week, I've been to a few events at work which actually turned out to be very useful and insightful. They have helped me to heal a bit this week, and I've learnt some new techniques to be able to manage the overwhelm of not being happy at work, but being too scared to try and get another job. So I went to sessions that focussed on dealing with change and transition, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and how to navigate career changes etc. I don't have answers, but I'm feeling more open to looking at things differently, as work is such a huge part of life, and I'm struggling to remain in employment as I find it mentally and physically very draining. So I'm hoping that by doing things differently, as in changing jobs and changing my mental approach to working in general, this will help me to keep plodding on. 

On the fridge front, I've found one that me and my son can agree on, and that'll be ordered this weekend and delivered next weekend or in half term. He's got a whole interior design vision for how the kitchen can look, and so now that we've settled on a theme, I can get the applicable appliances. He wants a black fridge, black and chrome microwave liked we used to have and we've both agreed on a black and silver cooker. The one we have now is dark brown and silver, so it's not that much different. It's the fridge that was making me have second thoughts. I've never owned a fridge that isn't white, and trying to get my head around his vision, has taken some adjustments, but I'm on board now. I didn't want to spend so much money on something and be unsure about it. We have black countertops, and with the leftover grey laminate that we'll eventually get fitted on the floor, it'll look nice altogether.

I'll definitely be getting it from Argos so that I can pay it over a period that is kinder to myself. And as there is no direct debit for fixed payments, I can pay as much or as little as I want. I've worked out that I'll pay £75 a month in total to Argos. So that will be the normal £50 for the PS5 and £25 towards the fridge freezer. When the PS5 is finished being paid for, I'll snowball the £50 into the fridge freezer. I can definitely be flexible with the repayments for Argos @Aimingforthegoodlife, so that's what makes it easier to manage and to deal with the fact that I'll be prolonging the debt journey 🥴.

With the delcuttering that we'll do over the next few weeks, and ramp up once my son's exams are over, I'm sure I'll find more stuff to sell, that the proceeds can contribute towards the Argos card payments too. And my son is job hunting, so that he can pay for his part of the PS5. I didn't want to leave it unpaid in case he struggles to find a job, and that puts pressure on me to cover the cost before the interest kicks in. But the good thing is that once he's earning, I can put that money towards the fridge repayment too.

But now for the nauseating news. I've been tracking all of expenditure since 1 January 2024, as I knew that I had a spending problem, especially when I'm mentally or physically unwell. And I've known that the amount I've spent on food, whether it's groceries (including cleaning products, toiletries etc), snacks, take aways, eating out or treating someone else was very unhealthy. But when I looked at my spreadsheet that I track everything on, the figure was shamefully astonomical! 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️ A disgraceful £2,405.60!!! 😬😬😬. Considering we're only 4.5 months into 2024, that's an average of £534.58 a month. I need to figure out a realistic target for the monthly average that takes into account another 7.5 months of the year, and the really bad start to the year. That has been a true lightbulb moment I tell you 🥴. I need to turn things around, so that the monthly average comes right down by 31 December 2024. So I'll be pondering that in the next few days...

I can't believe I've squandered that amount of money. Some of it was birthday meals out, but in general, it's just been frittered away. Too many meal deals out of sheer laziness. I sat my son down and showed him the spreadsheet and we've both agreed that we need to make serious changes. I've told him that I'm cutting back his food allowance for college as well, and he needs to take snacks and drinks etc with him and we need to do more strategic grocery shopping.

I'm still in shock. You can know that you have a problem, but it's only when you face it head on that you truly see how bad it has become and what you have to do to fix things. We'll definitely be cooking more at home and I need to get my head around lunches, as I waste a lot of money there. I need to go back to my frugal but healthy way of eating...

KajiKita

I’m sorry you are having such a rough time. I had a shoulder issue like that and I got back full use of it after a lot of sessions with a physio to remove lots of small knots from multiple muscle tears in my tricep and bicep - would the GP consider referring you for physio? I totally get wanting to avoid the scalpel by your eye, but this has gone on a long time now, please do consider it if the hot compress etc doesn’t help?

Well done for holding on and keeping going with everything. Loving the shift in attitude and new hope I read in you from the careers fair 😊 It will take time to achieve a shift, but that does sound really promising ….

Yaay for ordering the fridge!! Feel like I should send over some champagne for you to put in it! 😉 (or sparkling schl0er if you don’t drink 😊). The designing the kitchen with your son made me smile - by the time you have finished it will look very sophisticated! 😊

Btw, please don’t be too hard on yourself about the groceries spend. Pulling that down to lower levels takes a LOT of both mental and physical effort. My spend for just the two of us and two cats is significantly more than that … and I’m struggling with it too 🤷‍♀️ You’ve had a lot on your plate since the start of the year and you have moved forward in so many ways in so many areas. This is just the next one. It is not possible to fix everything at once. Now that you’ve seen it , you can gradually, step by step, habit by habit, tackle it (I feel like I am speaking to myself here too! 😉). Having a new fridge, where things like cheese don’t got rotten within a few days of purchase will make a huge difference to your food wastage for a start. Also, wasn’t your son getting into cooking? Maybe you could do one new batch cook a weekend with him - Sunday afternoons maybe - and gradually fill your freezer? This time of year is good for pulling together salady bits - I have a red and white cabbage, carrots in my fridge and shallots in my cupboard that I make my own coleslaw from. They last for ages in the house and the coleslaw is way nicer than shop bought as you can riff your own dressings. With a few boiled new potatoes and a small piece of meat or fish on the side, that’s a good, healthy, tasty quick meal 😊 I will following you for hints and tips on the frugal eating 😊

KK

AntoMac

Hello Keedie,
Sorry for being AWOL from your diary for a long time. I’m still a big fan of your fighting spirit and your fascinating story. Despite all the setbacks and challenges your direction of travel is still very much in the right direction. 

I like how honest you were in your appraisal. In my opinion we need more of these slightly uncomfortable open conversations in the workplace. I’ve had some wonderful disagreements with a colleague who I get on really well with at work. We are now very comfortable having these exchanges as they aren’t personal, just that we both want things to be done better. We’ve happily agreed that sometimes I’m right, sometimes she’s right and sometimes we’re both wrong!! 

As for the fridge have you ordered it? I have another idea you might want to consider BUT the last thing I want to do is add your another idea if you’ve finalised your decision.
Keep going. Your fighting spirit and inner kindness and decency will get you there. 

As for the overspending - I’m sure pretty much all of us have regrets in that field. Try not to forget all the brilliant debt repayment you’ve achieved as well. 

Cherryfudge

I’m really sorry you’re having such a horrible time Keedie, but I’m so impressed with how you’re getting through it. The fridge and kitchen revamp will look incredibly smart.

The food spend: just draw a line under it and start again. I love that you and your son are working together on this. You are giving him skills that will help him in future: practical skills, financial skills, negotiating skills as you work things out together. I wish him all the best as he looks for work.

And remember you are tackling a huge amount, all progress is therefore huge too.

Keedie

Today has been a slightly better day, as although I woke up really early for a Sunday, I had a good weekend. It was nice spending the weekend with my nieces. My East London sister brought them down on Friday evening and I took the two of them and my other niece to central London. Oxford Street was crazy busy, but I was really happy that I had rollator with me. And when we went to Primark, I sat in a corner and read a book on the Kindle app on my iPad whilst they did their tween and teen shopping spree. I'm paying for it today though, as I'm extra sleepy and sore.

The doctor has referred me for physio @KajiKita for my shoulder, so hopefully I'll be seen soon. It sounds like you had a struggle with yours, but I'm glad you've got full use of your shoulder again. As for the eye, I'm on the waiting list, so I'll see when the appointment is for it to be drained and whether or not I've managed to get rid of it by then. I don't fancy a scalpel near my eye, but the thought of living with a sore lump that makes my vision blurry at times isn' ideal, so if the hot compress doesn't work, I'll have no choice.

I've not brought the fridge as yet. I was going to do it this weekend, but I was so busy with the girls. So I'll have to sit down tomorrow and work it all out. I've got a quote for getting the cooker disconnected and reconnected when the new one comes (whenever it is that I'm able to order one). I just need to get a quote now for the laminate in the kitchen so that I can price everything up and work out how to manage it all.

I'm looking forward to having a more functional kitchen and being able to cook what I can. It's the room that has bothered me the most for years. And I've been having a think about the types of food that we like and what me and my son can make together, and what I can do that is quick and easy, that can also be made in bulk. Before I had my operation in 2014 and got that infection and got disabled, I only had to worry about my mental health. And I was very organised with meal times and bulk shopping, and having a variety of food and staples that wasn't so focused on fresh ingredients all the time. Since the fridge has not been that effective, I figured I need to go back to that. My son reminded me that we used to shop in Costco and buy lots of things in bulk and always have tinned stuff like tuna, tinned fruits etc on hand, and I used to buy meat, poultry and fish at the beginning of the month and then portion and freeze everything. So that I could still adapt to life, but have things at home. So that's my plan of action for June 2024 onward. As my nephew cleared out my cupboards for me and I've been organising things more, I'm in a better position to get a sustainable system going.

I sorted out my 2023/24 tax bill. It came up to £769.20, and as I'd paid £750 with January's bill, there was a balance of £19.20 that I paid on Friday. I was a bit confused, as HMRC split the £769.20 into two parts, with some taken in advance the remainder they've held onto as a credit that will go towards the balance due on 31 July 2024. There was a shortfall in the amount required, hence the £19.20, but I don't understand if the amount they're holding as a 'credit' goes towards the overall remaining 'debt'??? It's all a bit confusing. But the good news is that I've got a little buffer in the tax account and I've not been paid this tax year, but when I do, I set aside 30%, so that will help in case there are any issues with this current tax year's bill.

Keedie

I forgot to say thank you for checking in on my @AntoMac. And yes, these uncomfortable work conversations are really important. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders since I've been honest about everything. It'll make the next year of working whilst I wait for all my sickness absence to drop off my record more bearable.

And I'd forgotten about the debt achievements, so thank you for the reminder AntoMac. And yes, overspending is a part of life, but I've had the wake up call I needed and so I'll draw a line under it @Cherryfudge. My son is very excited about everything, and we're measuring the kitchen tomorrow for the laminate quote. We should have enough laminate leftover from his room, but need underlay and the white trim. I'm not sure if it's okay to move fridges around, but I can't do the flooring and painting before the fridge comes, so it'll have to be moved out of the kitchen for when the floor will be done and the cooker will need to be disconnected. But it'll be a fun summer holiday project.

Keedie

THE SUNDAY SUMMARY

(Week 20 ~ 19 May 2024)

Debt Regrets

Goal 1 - 100% repayment to Bank of Mum 3 (school fees) - due 1 April 2024
Progress Checker = £3,800/£3,800 (100% repaid)
🎉 Achievement Date = 24 March 2024 🎉

Goal 2 - Clear Barclaycard Plan 1 (£6,508.43) - due by 31 December 2024
Progress checker = £728.43/£6,508.43 (11.19% repaid)
The fixed £250 direct debit will come out at the end of the month, so there's no update here.

Goal 3 - Pay £6,750 off my overall debt balance in 2024 - due by 31 December 2024

Progress Checker = £2,280/£6,750 (33.78% repaid)

I've not made any debt payments in the last two weeks, even to Argos, so this also hasn't changed.

Saving Grace

Goal 1 - Save £500 for my son's 18th birthday - due by 30 September 2024
Progress Checker = £108.66/£500 (21.73% saved)
I had a rethink about this one, and my son seems to think having a party with our family is cringy, I've just given up the party idea. So now, I'm just going to have a drink up for my birthday instead (as it's the next day), and so that will be a lot cheaper as it's alcohol (bring a bottle), and a little bit of food, so much easier. I'll just give him money to go out with his friends and cousins and so the budget has reduced from £750 to £500. The amount in the pot has gone down, as I needed some of the money for things for my son, so it's dropped to £108.66 as I took out £35. But with the reduced target, we're still 1/5 of the way towards the goal. I'll be keeping the weekly top up into this pot at £10 a week until 30 September 2024. That's 20 weeks of payments including tomorrow, and so that will be £200. The Chase round ups pot will feed into this and I've changed the target yet again 😬, but only because I passed the other two increases 🤗. It's now £200, as that's the amount needed, to comfortably go over the £500 target, as there is already £108, plus £200 from weekly savings amounts to £308, and £200 of round ups will see that taken care of with minimal effort. The balance in that pot is now £191.52/£200 (up £18.37 since my last check-in), and the pot is at 95.76% which matures in 40 days - the countdown continues...

Goal 2 - Build a Buffer of £500 (homemade overdraft) - due by 31 December 2024
Progress Checker = £0/£500 (0% saved)
Still at zero, but restarting in June 2024 on £5 a week.

Goal 3 - Save £1,000 emergency fund - due by 31 December 2024
Progress Checker = £341.84/£1,000 (34.18% saved)
I saved £20 this week and I'm inching towards 35% saved. It feels good to see it steadily increasing, and when I am in a better financial position, I will increase this from £20 a week to £25 a week. I'm hoping to start that increase in January 2025.

Goal 4 - Complete 50 Envelope Challenge (£1,275) - due by 31 December 2024
Progress Checker = 6/50 Envelopes ~ £205/£1,275 (16.08% saved)
This is still on hold for the rest of May 2024, so I'm still working on accumulating the £50 for envelopes 3 and 47 of which I have £30/£50 so far. I had hoped to restart this in June 2024 on £10 a week, but I will do it at £5 a week and get on top of my spending and expenses so that I actually have all my expenses much lower than my income, so that I can then save the rest and boost this savings challenge.

Sun_Addict

Sorry to hear you haven't been feeling great. Best to draw a line in the sand with the grocery spends and start afresh, sounds like you've got a good plan in place. What a lovely son you have taking an interest in planning the kitchen, it will look brilliant when it's finished. 

I'm really squeamish about eyes and had an ingrowing eyelash removed from my eyelid a few years ago. Like you I wasn't keen on having a scalpel near my eye but it was all over in a flash and such a relief to get rid of the lump with the curled up eyelash in. It will be worth it for you to get rid of the stye.