The Mental Debt Struggle...

weenancyinAmerica

My cats like to chew on plastic bags also. Sometimes they end up chewing all the way through and start on what is inside (toilet paper, paper towels, even.)

Earlier, you mentioned that you weren't sure about retiring because you weren't sure how you would answer the "What do you do" question. Best thing is to say "whatever I want, I'm retired" and just smile. A friend of mine once told how lucky I was that I was self-employed because I could set my own schedule. And I was very lucky with it - I had the chance to travel all over the US and the British Isles. If I had stayed working as a librarian, I would have had maybe two weeks a year to travel. Most people find that, when they retire from a job, they have so much to do they wonder how they ever found time to go to work.

daisy_1571

Agree with weenancyinAmerica, some people worry about missing the routine, but you can set your own routine. Others worry about loss of status but again there's loads of organisations who would welcome volunteering in many capacities. What I mean is for every concern, there's an answer.

DDxxx

peb

Don't forget the benefits board here if you need guidance on the pip form. There's some excellent people who post there.

I would mention, I don't know if it is just Bradford MDC, some councils give out the blue badge on evidence of pip. It's very difficult to get one otherwise. Caused a major issue for a friend waiting her pip renewal

Keedie

Sorry everyone, I've not been ignoring you, I just crashed pretty hard after my weekend away. I opted for the walking stick and wished I had the rollator. But at least it meant that I wasn't bothering my mum to help me with stuff as I can see that she's slowing down and I didn't want to burden her.

I'm glad that the cat survived @liselle, but it must be scary for a cat to have fits. And it's reassuring to know that my kitten is not deranged with her obsession with plastic bags 😂. But I've been trying to kitten proof the flat so that she is free to play without being in danger.

Unfortunately @InDebtEnby my council refuses to issue a blue badge without a valid PIP or DLA award, and the badge ends in line with the award. It's the same with the congestion charge exemption, it expires when the PIP expires. It's the same with reduced taxis with the council, as they part fund the cost of up to 8 or 10 journeys month - no award no entitlement to discount. The same goes for my freedom pass, if I don't get the PIP renewed, I lose that too. It does get a bit stressful trying to manage all of this life admin! I hope your friend wasn't too stressed out by the blue badge delays @peb. I suppose the benefit of my claim being reviewed so early is that I don't have to worry about there being no award in place before the blue badge expires. But the flip side, is that if the PIP is revoked, then I'd probably lose the blue badge and freedom pass before they were due to expire. I dunno how it works really.

I'm definitely looking forward to not working and trying to live life at a better and slower pace. I'm looking forward to the freedom that you mention @weenancyinAmerica and being able to freelance if and when I am able to do so. The pressure and obligation to work feels often very overwhelming. I worked today, and couldn't make it into the office as I was just too fatigued. So I worked from my bed, lying down with the laptop propped up on a cushion. I would have been better off sleeping for the day to recover.

And yeah, the routine is something that I am scared of losing @daisy_1571. When I didn't work from 2016-2018 as I wasn't well at all, I got quite depressed with constantly struggling and not having anything for myself. The school run gave me a routine, but I slept as soon I got back from dropping my son to school and then I had several alarms to wake me up on time so that I was alert enough to drive and collect him. Then I had to sleep again when I got home and so we lived on take aways and I went into a lot of debt, as my Employment Support Allowance and Child Tax Credits didn't cover a lot as my expenditure was imbalanced. So I definitely need to figure out how I will balance rest with having some interests outside of slowly studying the bookkeeping so that I don't fall of a ledge like I did the last time.

I had forgotten about the benefits boards on the forum, so thanks for the reminder peb. It will really help, and yeah, I will mention my anxiety @Cherryfudge, as it's getting worse and taking over everything nowadays. I finally managed to get an appointment with the benefits service at my council and the guy is going to help me on Monday morning to complete my PIP renewal form. And I've managed to get an extension from the DWP to return the form by 17 April 2026, so that is more than enough time. And I can try and find the last two documents that I am looking for and send the form before the end of March so that it arrives on time.

Keedie

But on a financial note, I have tried to get a bit better with my budget. All of that hypomanic overspending in January and early February has still put me off course, but I think I am able to get back on track. For now, I am just focussing on trying to curb my spending (mainly on food for convenience), and I have managed to boost my savings and sinking funds a bit.

When I get a decision about my PIP, I will know what I am actually working with income wise moving forward. But until then, I have roughly worked out a budget that includes setting aside money for a new carer if/when my care plan is approved by the council and I can get a new PA. That's around £200 a month, so a fair chunk of my budget aside from fixed expenses like bills etc.

So far this month, I have put £50 into the pot that I am building up to repay my mum for the bookkeeping course. So I now have £290/£600 accumulated, to make the first installment. I put £125 into sinking funds, £100 into my emergency fund and £40 into savings challenges. So that was a total of £315. Which I am quite proud of.

As my contract ends at the end of March, and I live on the previous month's income, I will be able to maintain that in April 2026 as well. After that, I'll see what happens with my PIP when they've made a decision. But I know that it will continue whilst they decide.

I am selling/scrapping my car next month when the MOT ends, so I will no longer have vehicle expenses or need to work on that sinking fund. I'll be due a refund on the car tax and the car insurance as it was paid upfront in September. So with all of that, and whatever I can get for the car, I'll use the money to boost my mini emergency buffer and give a little bit to my son to help pay for his initial driving lessons. He can then sort out the rest himself. And what I can give him will depend on how much everything comes up to, and whatever is left after the buffer is fully funded.

I'm looking forward to not driving anymore. It's getting incredibly painful to do my blind spot as the twisting motion with a stiff back isn't very fun. I don't know what I will do with my rollator though. It currently stays in the boot of the car. I can't physically carry it up to my third floor flat as there is no lift, and there is nowhere to store it in the communal hallway downstairs. My son will help me when he's around, but I need to figure out some kind of solution. I don't always use it, as when I am weak or unsteady on my feet I tend to just not leave my flat. But on the occasions that I do use it, I need to figure out a solution. I might contact my housing officer and see if there are any storage solutions on the estate that I am not aware of.

Cherryfudge

I'm sorry you've been having a rough time @Keedie. It must have been exhausting. Perhaps stick a note on your fridge to say 'take rollator not stick!'? We were on holiday recently and I was quite concerned as DH had most of his luggage in a gigantic backpack and had to keep stopping rather than set off his tachycardia. I'm going to investigate a wheeled case for him, similar to the one I used. It's easy to imagine we can do what we did when we were 20, but sometimes it's just not so and we need to give ourselves the advice we would give a friend - make it as easy on yourself as possible. 😊

I suppose that might usefully extend to taking an extra day's leave either side of a trip away, but that's not always possible.

Do you get any help for your anxiety? I noticed coffee sets mine off, so I am trying hard to be less of a coffee pot! Of course, that's rather simplistic and real life is rarely simple. I only mention it in case it could be a factor, but I can see you are dealing with a lot and it is unlikely to be that straightforward. I hope you can find ways to take control of it.

It's really good you have an extension for your form and some help with filling it in. Would it help to keep an ongoing log of thoughts that might be relevant? Perhaps five minutes an evening to reflect on the day - what was hard or impossible, amount of rest needed, where you needed help etc? That's if you don't already have something of the sort of course.

P.S. Sorry - the above seems to be full of stream of consciousness stuff and may well require your forbearance. 🤔

beanielou

Good idea to contact your housing officer as there must be a solution to the rollator. Take care of yourself.

Keedie

I've had a really rotten cold that I just can't seem to shake. It can't decide if it wants to be a dry or wet cough, and I just felt so drained. Some days I have a fever and feel weak and dizzy and other days I'm cold. I'm starting to feel a bit better now, but it was not fun over the last week and a half.

Thanks for the advice @Cherryfudge, it is really helpful. I've got one of those mini suitcase where all four wheels move so you just hold it and it's meant to glide. It works well on smooth surfaces but it can get a bit awkward when I'm trying to navigate an uneven pavement along with my crutch or walking stick. I think a wheeled suitcase makes a lot of sense for your husband, it makes mobilising easier and less burdensome.

I've not done anything about the rollator as yet @beanielou, but I've put it on my life admin list for next week. I also need to extend my bookkeeping course, chase a hospital referral and finish this PIP form as it's causing me a lot of anxiety!

The PIP extension to mid April is good, but it is all making me on edge. I can't seem to organise my thoughts, to write it all out properly. And I feel a bit more on edge since I went to the see the council benefits guy that helps with PIP forms. He was telling me to basically write things that weren't true, like being unable to walk more than 20 metres (2 bus lengths), as that scores maximum points. But I can walk more, not always, and not excessive amounts, but it does really vary. I felt like he was telling me lie, which made me uncomfortable. The last time I just ticked all distances up to 200m and explained that it really varies. My maximum walking distance is less than before, but it would be disingenuous to state that I can only walk less than 20 metres at all times. I do want my award to continue, as I do have genuine mobility issues, and walking up to 100m would require lots of stops and starts and bed rest to recover. So I'll state that on the form as I don't want to lie. But his advice on that descriptor has honestly made me question everything else he's told me… 🥴. I'm trying not to overthink everything, but it's not easy.

I had provisionally agreed an extension for a couple more months at work at reduced days so that I could hand over my work. It was also to provide assistance as there is a restructure and a transition period will be needed. The team is already a person down as guy left the other week. But the finance person that would approve the agency extension is off sick, and so I'm wondering if it'll be done in time. I'm going to review everything tomorrow and plan how I will manage my workload over the next week as next week would be my last week. I don't think the extension is happening, and then I can just relax. And figure out my budget for the coming months, as sticking to my current end date of 31 March means that I've got less coming in.

peb

I think the point is you may sometimes be able to walk the cited distance but are you able to do so without pain/discomfort? Added to which you will no doubt have recovery time needed afterwards. It's incredibly stressful and I do sympathise.

Debsnewbudget

you say

. I do want my award to continue, as I do have genuine mobility issues, and walking up to 100m would require lots of stops and starts and bed rest to recover. 

so in my mind if walking up to 100m requires stops and starts can you realistically and honestly say you can walk more than 20m without stopping? Its just a different way of looking at things. I dont feel its an untruth to say 20m is what you can walk without having to stop

Sending hugs x