The Mental Debt Struggle...

Keedie

I actually had good sleep last night. Dreamt a complete bunch of nonsense, that even in my dream felt a bit far fetched 🤣. But at least I'm dreaming. 

Your observations about the hypomanic spending isn't ignorant @PennysIntoPounds, and I like the idea of thinking of a wider track to keep myself going when things are tough. When I'm not feeling well, I overspend. A lot of the time, I overspend on food or household items. I like the practicality of things that makes my home a sanctuary. And the reality is that I don't need a very fancy fridge, microwave or cooker. I just need it to be functional. But when I get spendy I start looking at all sorts of specs and the price just jumps up for no logical reason. But I think having the spending limit on the Argos card is what will make the difference. One of my sisters always asks me why I don't spend on my credit cards, and I've told her it's because I don't have that level of control to not go crazy and paying interest gives me anxiety 🤦🏾‍♀️.

I'm meeting a friend from my bipolar group tomorrow for coffee (well he'll drink coffee and I'll have a mint or fruit tea), and catch up with him as he wasn't able to make it to Friday's group. So that will give me a different type of downtime and I'll keep plodding on @beanielou, even if it's at a much slower pace for a while.

I hope the eye mask helps you @Cherryfudge. I use it morning and night and at first it's a bit scary how hot it is. But I let it cool down a bit too much last night and so it wasn't as effective. But if it feels uncomfortably hot (as it has after all come out of the microwave), then give it a minute ish to cool down before trying to use it. 

I'm taking my son to the library today to make him revise. He's had gastroenteritis this week and so he's not been at college all week and his English teacher kindly agreed for him to still answer some questions on a past mock paper and for it to be scanned to her and she'll mark it for him. The library opens at 1pm, so we'll go after lunch. I can see he's panicking about all that he has to do, and he's incredibly stressed. He has better studying techniques and approaches to his work than he did in recent years, but is still leaving a lot to the last minute. He's learning how to navigate things and I can't do it for him, but it does make me sad to see him anxiety ridden and doubtful of his abilities, when the reality is that he didn't pace himself as he's a typical teenager who didn't listen to his mum's advice on how to organise himself. But he knows this now, as he's just come in my room to ask what time we're going to the library. So there's that.

Keedie

THE SUNDAY SUMMARY

(Week 18 ~ 5 May 2024)

Debt Regrets

Goal 1 - 100% repayment to Bank of Mum 3 (school fees) - due 1 April 2024
Progress Checker = £3,800/£3,800 (100% repaid)
🎉 Achievement Date = 24 March 2024 🎉

Goal 2 - Clear Barclaycard Plan 1 (£6,508.43) - due by 31 December 2024
Progress checker = £728.43/£6,508.43 (11.19% repaid)
My fixed direct debit of £250 came out on Monday, so I'm now at over 10% of this goal and my Barclaycard balance is finally back in the £7k range, with a total balance of £7,850! By the end of August 2024 when that month's direct debit comes out, I'll be in the £6k bracket. Paying £250 a month feels more achievable and allows me to live for more than debt repayments and to improve my savings situation.

Goal 3 - Pay £6,750 off my overall debt balance in 2024 - due by 31 December 2024

Progress Checker = £2,280/£6,750 (33.78% repaid)

The £250 for Barclaycard pushes this goal up as well. I don't think I'm going to make it for the full £6,750 to be cleared though, but we'll just see what happens. I've got £2,000 in minimum payments to Barclaycard between now and December 2024. There's £250 left on the Argos card for the PS5, but that's not really my debt, but selling things has slowed down to pay for that. But I guess repaying the new purchases on the Argos card for the fridge etc will increase the debt repayments for this goal. But that's a bit sad, as when I set the goal at the beginning of 2024, it was to pay off £6,750 in debt based upon my balances at that time. I'd not imagined my debt increasing 😬.

Saving Grace

Goal 1 - Save £750 for my son's 18th birthday - due by 30 September 2024
Progress Checker = £133.66/£750 (17.82% saved)
I didn't pay the usual £10 as I didn't have the money, but I paid £3 in spare change and accrued £0.24 interest, so the balance went up by £3.24. Slowly inching towards the 20% mark. The Chase round ups pot will feed into this and I've changed the target again 🤦🏾‍♀️. It's now £180, as that's the amount I am giving him for his birthday present for his 18th, as it's £10 a year. So to know that the present has been taken care of through round ups and associated interest will be quite nice 🤗. So the balance in that pot is now £173.15/£180 (up £5.51 from last week), and the pot is at 96.19% which matures in 55 days - the countdown continues...

Goal 2 - Build a Buffer of £500 (homemade overdraft) - due by 31 December 2024
Progress Checker = £0/£500 (0% saved)
This still sits back at zero, but I've done a provisional budget for June 2024, and this should be able restart from next month.

Goal 3 - Save £1,000 emergency fund - due by 31 December 2024
Progress Checker = £301.84/£1,000 (28.10% saved)
I saved £20 this week and I'm officially at 30% saved! I earned £0.84 in interest hence the odd balance. I'll definitely keep this going even when I've reached the £1,000 target, as I lock the money in a Monzo pot at the beginning of the month and it pays it into my emergency fund and watching it growing slowly makes me want to see it creeping up even more. 

Goal 4 - Complete 50 Envelope Challenge (£1,275) - due by 31 December 2024
Progress Checker = 6/50 Envelopes ~ £205/£1,275 (16.08% saved)
I couldn't save anything this week, so I'm still working on accumulating the £50 for envelopes 3 and 47 of which I have £30/£50 so far. This has been paused in May, but it's looking viable from the provisional June 2024 budget, that it'll return with £10 a week, so that would be great if I can manage it.

Keedie

The emergency fund got its weekly top up of £20 and £10 went into the pot for my son's 18th birthday. And I got my weekly allowance of £20 which will come in handy as I'm about to get ready to meet my friend for (his) coffee and (my) peppermint tea at Costa.

I did 1.5 hours freelance for the HR stuff, and basically updated some templates and the salary rates for staff. My eyes are stinging a bit now though, I think varifocals with a blurry eye due to stye doesn't really work out too well 😂.

But at least the savings are getting there 🤗.

KajiKita

Adding to savings is becoming a new ‘normal’ for you, a new habit 😊👏

KK

Keedie

It really is becoming a routine part of life to be saving @KajiKita. And it makes me feel more financially secure to slowly be building savings. Since I've taken the focus off debt repayments, after that dominated my life for the last 2-3 years, it feels good to be working towards savings instead.

The emergency fund is in my Chase account, but it comes via a standing order from a locked pot in Monzo. By having it automatically go through, I don't have to think about it and I don't touch it once it arrives in Chase. It's teaching me discipline. But I definitely need to think about setting up an ISA or doing premium bonds or whatever. As I'm 43 this year, I've carried some form of debt my whole adult life, my workplace pensions are not very high as I've mainly worked part time, and I don' have a mortgage, so I won't have a mortgage free home as a pensioner, so I will still be renting, and all costs are going up.

So I need to boost savings, and get to the point that I can eventually come off universal credit as I have too much savings, and investments. I'm light years away from that, but whilst I'm on this side of retirement, I need to start getting serious about savings so that I make the most of compound interest, whilst steadily chipping away at my debts.

KajiKita

I love how your vision of yourself and your strategy is changing over the weeks …. 😊👏
You have come a looong way 😊

KK

Keedie

Thank you @KajiKita, that is so kind of you to say. I have felt a shift in mindset, and I'm not 100% sure what it is, but I do feel like I'm finally on the right path...

KajiKita

Keedie said:

Thank you @KajiKita, that is so kind of you to say. I have felt a shift in mindset, and I'm not 100% sure what it is, but I do feel like I'm finally on the right path...

Perhaps it’s a new way of seeing yourself, a new internal ‘identity’? I think that is what has happened to me over the time I have been here and gradually got the ‘storm’ under control 😊

KK

Keedie

You know what @KajiKita, I think you're actually right. It is a new internal identity. I've been curating a new sense of self in recent weeks/months, or perhaps the last year or two I guess. I've forgiven myself for a lot of my shortcomings, and I've been kinder to myself as a result of it, but I'm still learning to do that consistently, as I've been hard on myself for far longer than I've been kind to myself. 

In the spirit of being kinder to myself, I dunno what to do about my fridge. I've found the one I'm most likely to get, and including recycling the current fridge, it's £26.94 more expensive in Argos than Currys. But Argos gives me 12 months interest free to pay and Currys gives me 6 months. I'm leaning towards paying the extra and being able to spread it out over a longer period of time and so going with Argos. It'll be a bit tight to pay it all off by early November 2024, if I went with Currys. I'll have to put my thinking hat on about that one, as I also still need a microwave and cooker. Oh the joys of adulting and lack of advance planning for these household items 🤦🏾‍♀️.

I've found a new use for my spending money, as my 15 year old nephew asked me if I had any jobs he could do and so I subcontracted him to declutter my flat for me, room by room. He started on the kitchen yesterday and cleared out my cupboards, got rid of some stuff, cleaned the shelves and put the food back. He's saving up for some new fancy trainers that he wants (but does not need, hence his parents aren't buying it), and so it's a win-win situation for the both of us. I'll be able to think clearly with a cleaner and decluttered space. I had to teach him the art of negotiation though, as he offered to do every part of my flat for £30! I told him that he was exploiting himself, and so he upped it to £50. But he doesn't realise how much junk there is in my hallway cupboard and how many papers and clothes we have to go through in the living room. So I sat with my son after we dropped my nephew home and based on what I need help with in each room, the total is £90. I think my nephew will be pleased. Then when it's all sorted, my son will repaint the flat. I think my nephews might want to help him if they'll get paid 😂. I'm not paying my son though, he lives here and so he benefits from everything being sorted. I've given up trying to get him to declutter with me, so my nephew got the job. 

I had my appraisal at work today, and I don't think my manager was very impressed as I told her that I'm bored, and that it annoys me that we don't have proper guidance and processes and so we have inconsistencies in the way that we approach and action our work. She asked me where I see myself in a year's time and I told her that I see myself enjoying life more than I do now, and that I want to travel more. Then I realised she meant in a work capacity 😂. Told her that I dunno if I'll be around for very long if they go ahead with moving all professional services to another campus across London. There's very little incentive to practically double my commute by car, or be forced to take 3 tubes, a bus and walk, to do the same work that I can do from my living room. I don't think she liked my answers very much, but I was a bit on the agitated side (thanks bipolar 🙄) and I just had verbal diarrhoea. Oh well 🥴.

PennysIntoPounds

Sounds like she was told what needed to be said, you didn't say anything out of order!

If it'll cause you less stress to pay a little more and spread the cost it's still mse to have your spends organised and your mind less anxious in order to do other productive things. 
While it's another wee job, there's no harm in getting in touch with Currys and asking if they'd do the same or similar as you've seen that option at Argos, Currys were excellent when I bought my laptop then saw their price had decreased a couple of days later so maybe jump on their website live chat or send an email and ask, worst they can say is no which doesn't put you in a worse position 

P.S. don't forget to check the cashback sites before ordering anything! 😁