Help, what to do? Son's teacher just told him Santa's Not Real

skint_spice

It's a shame it happened but to be fair he's probably in the minority and any offense caused was unintentional. My DS (age 8) has already asked lots of questions about this and I think this year or next will be his last - he's already sussed that the tooth fairy is nonsense. when he came to me to say he'd discovered this I asked him not to tell any of his younger friends or cousins as it would spoil it for them and despite being a babblermouth he's managed that so ask your son to do likewise and he may enjoy being part of the pretence for his younger siblings.

bestpud

As already said a few times - the problem here is what you have led him to believe!

I imagine he has been humouring you for a while and is more upset about not getting the presents he has been promised every year he's kept up the charade! Tell him it is ok and he will still get all the things he used to - just not from santa anymore. I bet he will quickly cheer up.

We never formally admitted to my parents that we knew it was them but we stopped putting the mince pies etc out when we were about 10 I think (only a year between us though so different to having a big age gap). They just carried on putting the stockings on our beds. Best way I think - no great revelation or worries - just a nice steady progression with everyone knowing but never really saying it iyswim.

Out of interest - what did he tell his mates about the lapland visit? I can't imagine for one minute he enthused about seeing santa. If I'd done that a his age, I'd never have heard the last of it!! I was teased enough for not knowing what the 'f' word meant at 12!

Edinburghlass_2

Violetta wrote: »

Don't worry Edinburghlass most people know not to believe everything you read on tinternet. Santa not real :rotfl: good one they'll be saying Elvis is still alive and shacked up in a French castle with Princess Di:rotfl:
:santa2: :xmassign:

But he is, I saw him in Joseph just this week

Nenen

I've read this thread with great interest as I've been a teacher (for the past 26 years) and am a mum of three (now almost grown-up) children. I have never met a child above the age of ten (who does not have learning difficulties) who still believes in Father Christmas so I am not at all suprised the teacher in a secondary school made the same assumption.

I think talking about Santa not being real at secondary school age is not 'challenging a family's beliefs' (as some PP have intimated) as the teacher would fully expect that the adults in the family did not really believe in the reality of Santa and so neither would children at that age. The reality of Santa is not a religious belief held by adults and so a belief in Santa cannot possibly be treated in the same way as Christians believing in the reality of Jesus or Muslims the reality of Mohammed etc.

In my experience, a few children start to ask questions about the reality of Santa at five years old, some more children start questioning at six, then by seven or eight years old most are starting to have serious doubts and by nine not a single child I've ever taught has ever said anything to show s/he believes in Santa; in fact when the subject has come up all the children of 9 and over I've ever met have been at great pains to tell me they know for a fact Santa isn't real. I often think they seem relieved they can be honest about their lack of belief in Santa in a way they cannot be with their parents! I also think any child who is maintaining the charade that they believe is doing so just in front of his/her parents, probably in order to ensure s/he gets presents! Children of 9 and over talk very openly to each other and to teachers in school about their knowledge that Santa isn't real!

In school, I do what I did with my own children and that is, when they start to ask questions which show they want truthful answers, I tell them the story of St Nicholas who was born more than 1700 years ago and explain how he was a very good man whose example lives on through all the good deeds that so many people in countries all around the world continue to do by giving to children secretly at Christmas in his name. I stress the 'magical' properties of lovingly and unselfishly giving in secret with no expectation of thanks or reward and say that the most magical thing of all is that this good deed by one man has caused people all around the world to do the same for hundreds of years. In this way, love and goodness are made to last for ever... a 'magical' feat indeed!

In the same way, when children ask questions about fairies, I tell them the fairies represent all the good and happy thoughts that we have, thoughts about things we wish we could do for others, eg help them feel good about the loss of their teeth. By explaining Father Christmas and fairies in this way children never feel they have been 'lied to' rather that symbols have been used to represent abstract thoughts of goodness and wonder... in my view an extremely important part of childhood and one which can persist long after the realisation that although the symbols themselves are not real the feelings and acts of kindness are.

Maybe you could explain something similar to your ds.

Nenen

Forgot to add... my children aged 22, 20 and 17 still get a stocking on the end of their bed from Santa every year and the little suprises continue to make everyone laugh and feel good (especially me as I LOVE buying all those funny, cute, amazing things for stockings)!

culpepper

Oh well better he know now than be 15 and made too look foolish for telling everyone santa is a real person.By that time he really would feel daft while at the moment it is just a little bit dissappointing and he may not have been the only one to be disillusioned.
My brother and I were about 5 and 7 when we found the present stash in our house and I never told my kids, father christmas was the one who brought presents in the first place.

keelykat

Hi, i remember waking up and seeing my dad trying to sneak all the xmas pressies down stairs and cottoning on fairly early that something wasnt quite right....but i played along once i really knew the truth! It wasnt a big deal though for me personally. There was no 'you wont get any presents if you dont believe' thing.... it was more of if youre naughty you wont-as you wouldnt deserve them.

My niece is nearly 10, my nephew nearly 9-they both know he doesnt exsist but they play along for the sake of their little sister almost 3. They didnt get upset by finding out, i think they realised/found out from friends at school.

I just wouldnt make a big deal out of it if i had kids, id prefer to keep it lighthearted.

I wouldnt be too impressed by the teacher telling them he doesnt exist though if it did upset your child.... aaww how mean! But yes i guess by 11 most children know about it.... its a difficult one!

keely.

siren13577

It is up to you how you bring up your child, unfortunately this was bound to happen at some time, if it wasn't your son's teacher it would have been someone else. I like the idea of stimulating my son's (he's four) imagination and see no problem with it. Perhaps it could be an idea to talk to your son about the origins of Santa Claus, you know, Saint Nicholas and all that. It could, with a little creativity, be turned into a cultural education. I like the idea of children being children for as long as possible and see no harm in it. Good luck to OP, perhaps you could ask him not to tell his younger sister, hope everyone has a happy Christmas or Happy Yule to the pagans in the room.

postingalwaysposting

I think in this case the teacher was just expecting (which i would too) when talking to a class of 11 year olds (without learning difficulties) to all have learnt that santa isnt real. I think if i was in your situation i would explain everything about santa to your son, covering it up i think will make the situation worse. But i guess its up to you and your beliefs and i respect that.

Me i dont know when i didnt belive but my xmas' were like baileysbattlebus'. Its the excitement and suprise. All bar this year and last i havet asked for anything every year my mother (and father before he left) decided everything. Thats the thing i remember from my childhood, the empty tree then waking up in the morning and waking my parents to go and have a look as see if anything appered :rotfl: i think i remmeber one year i left a mince pie and i must have been around 8 at the time. Xmas is a family and now for me a religious time, but everyone celebrates and i hope everyone has fun.... especially the children

lindadykes

I am a secondary teacher and the special education needs coordinator in my school and I am sure that the teacher involved simply didn't think that any child in secondary school still believed. If the teacher had not mentioned this then, as other posters have pointed out , it is likely that other pupils may have done so and "discovered" that the OP's son still believed and he may then have come in for quite a bit of bullying. Although their son is only 11 and therefore in year 7, pupils are not isolated from the older pupils in the school and as we all know children can be very cruel. We all look back to that time when we believed and realise that the experience of Christmas is never the same afterward. It is only natural that we want to prolong our own children's belief for as long as possible. I can well understand this parent's dissapointment, but it was bound to happen one day. Incidently when I talk to pupil's about Christmas, I always point out that "Santa Claus is alive and well, living in the hearts and minds of little children everywhere."