Help, what to do? Son's teacher just told him Santa's Not Real

MrsTinks

I find it interesting how strongly people feel about this - not so much because of the childs age (as I have said I would also have assumed the child would have worked it out by that age) - but how many tell the whole story of christmas and santa - indeed santa clause or saint nicholaus? As I think most people are aware then I am pagan, I'm proud to be and whilst my children won't be brought up with going to church, they will also not be having my beliefs rammed down their throats. When they are old enough they can decide for themselves and I will happily provide them all the information they want on any religion and then they can make independant choices rather than have mine forced on them.
So... how can I think "Santa" is a good thing? After all he is nothing more than a commercialised hype compared to what he used to stand for which was charity and spreading joy.
Well I like the story of St Nicholas, I like what I feel he stands for and ultimately Father Christmas will stand for whatever you tell your children he stands for. If he's merely a person who brings presents, or a figure to be slightly feared as he judges if you have been good or naughty, or the embodient of charity and goodwill to mankind...
Personally I hope I can make then think it's the latter...

Nenen

jackieb wrote: »

I find your post a bit condescending. Contrary to popular belief, not all 11 year olds have anything to do with knives, drugs, pregnancy, etc. Some 11 year olds are still children and act like it. You say some parents behave like the world revolves around their 'little darlings'. If so, isn't that better than letting them run wild and getting involved with the kind of things you've mentioned above? School's don't need to say anything at all - it shouldn't be an issue. I can't believe some people don't think there can be an innocent 11yo without them having some learning difficulties!

Whilst I agree some aspects of her post were rather condescending, I don't think Petite Anglais was saying all 11 year olds have something to do with knives, drugs, pregnancy etc but that she considered an important part of her job was to SAVE them from the dangers of these and that doing this was much more important to her than maintaining a belief in FC at age 11.

Whilst I am totally commited to enabling children to enjoy an innocent childhood for as long as possible, IMHO there really does come a time when shielding them from reality potentially puts them in much greater danger than openly discussing these things with them. In my experience that time comes at about the age of 9-11. My children (now 17, 20 & 22) grew up in a 'chocolate-box' Suffolk village. By the age of 11 they had all been offered drugs! If I (or their schools) had left it until too late to talk about drugs etc I believe I would have been doing them a huge disservice. Having said that, I am sure you are right in that some 11 year olds are still children... I'd go so far as to say all 11 year olds are still children! It is that weird time between adulthood and childhood and yet IMHO that doesn't mean we have to try and make them believe in Father Christmas being real but rather find ways of keeping the magic alive.

As an example, when my children were small we had a tradition of having a new soft toy (unwrapped) peeping over the top of each stocking. When my ds was 12 (having been well aware that FC was not real for several years but stockings continued and still do) I decided a 12 yo boy would not want a little soft toy in his stocking and so didn't get him one. He later mentioned that he felt really sad not to see his soft toy peeping over his stocking... that was such a strong and happy association for him. Needless to say in subsequent years the soft toy miraculously reappeared! He didn't need to believe Santa was real to have strong and happy memories that continued into adulthood.

Going back to your post saying 'schools don't need to say anything about it', schools can hardly avoid the subject of Christmas and several children in my class of 7-8 year olds have asked me directly about the reality of Santa. I teach in an independent school, where the children are much more sheltered than most and yet the level of their knowledge concerning many issues would shock a lot of their parents I'm sure.

I do think that believing in Santa is a developmental thing and most children learn to distinguish symbolism and fantasy from reality at about age 8. Several PPs have suggested that our society is different in this respect today. Interestingly I came across the following from 1897 and the child was 8 years old!

Originally published in The New York Sun in 1897.

We take pleasure in answering thus prominently the communication below, expressing at the same time our great gratification that its faithful author is numbered among the friends of The Sun:

Dear Editor:

I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Papa says, "If you see it in The Sun, it's so." Please tell me the truth, is there a Santa Claus?

Signed Virginia O'Hanlon

The answer as published in the New York Sun was:

Virginia, your little friends are wrong.

They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The external light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies. You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if you did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived could tear apart. Only faith, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

scuzz

Ok I'm going to put the cat among the pigeons now, but what about St Nicholas the man who went around giving presents to children? Is this not where the Father Christmas/Santa Claus story originated from? So there is infact, some truth to the "myth" albeit historical.

In my house, Father Christmas brought EVERYONE's presents on Christmas Eve. I remember having arguments at school at the age of 9 or 10 with those kids that didn't believe as I still did. However, at the age of 11, I just went along with it. My parents asked me when I was writing to Father Christmas when I was 12 and I told them I knew it was them and not a man hopping down the chimney, they said fair enough, but could I still do a list so they knew what I wanted! I loved the magic of Christmas from when I was little - and yes I class 10 as little.

I say let the child believe as long as they want to. If they get bullied, then it's the bullies and their parents who need dealing with as they've got to learn that picking on those who look/think differently to what they think to be right, is not right or acceptable in school or in later life in the office. If you want to bulley someone for their belief in fairies, Father Chrsitmas etc, are you going to bulley them because they're Christian or Jewish or Pagan? You wouldn't do that, so lay off those who believe.

As far as the teacher goes, I don't really see why she would mention Santa in the first place, but what's done is done.

I never knew anything about what I was getting for Christmas - and still don't and I'm 24. You don't have to suddenly take the child shopping for all their presents, nor do you have to wrap them infront of them.

For crying out loud, let everyone live their own lives in their own way, and please stop critising family traditions that aren't your own.

Happy Christmas by the way

Sola

scuzz wrote: »

Ok I'm going to put the cat among the pigeons now, but what about St Nicholas the man who went around giving presents to children? Is this not where the Father Christmas/Santa Claus story originated from? So there is infact, some truth to the "myth" albeit historical.

There is a theory that it's based on pre-Christian shamanic happenings, and just hits something deep in our psyche, all mixed up with hallucinogenic mushrooms (fly agaric - red and white), feelings of flying, and that these folk remnants made our way via the German influence in Victorian England into our traditional Christmas. Hapless can explain better about the potential links with Odin and Sleipnir. Personally I prefer the Hogfather

aardvaak

Give the teacher a pat on the back and say well done - the sooner these myths get forgotten about the better.

pandas66

sali_mali wrote: »

Father Christmas still comes to our house and we range in age from 16-22:D

hmm and older (ab)

we all still 'believe' here :j

Christmas is special and believing in Santa, preparing for his visit (:j ) decorating the tree and house as we all do keeps him alive

I have worked hard this year to GET ON his list :j I am sure I'll still be on it in 9 days when he starts his visits :T

duchy

scuzz wrote: »

I say let the child believe as long as they want to. If they get bullied, then it's the bullies and their parents who need dealing with as they've got to learn that picking on those who look/think differently to what they think to be right, is not right or acceptable in school or in later life in the office. If you want to bulley someone for their belief in fairies, Father Chrsitmas etc, are you going to bulley them because they're Christian or Jewish or Pagan? You wouldn't do that, so lay off those who believe.

At a wild guess I'd say you don't have children. No parent deliberately puts their child into a situation that would make them unhappy or feel victimized. Many schools are diabolical at dealing with bullying effectively too. Not the way things SHOULD be-but the way they ARE and it'd be a rubbish parent that would allow their child to be bullied just because it shouldn't happen.

Hapless_2

I would be horrified! The Jul gift-giver is a very important part of heathen beliefs. (Which was though to be more like Old redbeard Thor than Odin the One-eye Alfather)
Let them believe in Santa/Father christmas/St. Nick/JulNissen/Pere Noel whatever, let them keep that little piece of innocence!

jackie_w

YOU MEAN SANTA ISNT REAL:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

Seriously, I personally think 11 is too old to believe in Santa, but, thats just my opinion. I have 2 children (aged 10 & 2), and this year I told my oldest that Santa isnt real.

I think Christmas depends on what it means to you. When I was little, to me it meant presents, and lots of them, however, my belief in Christmas has changed, and I have passed this onto my kids (I hope).

Christmas is still a magical time of the year, whether you believe in Santa Claus or not. You dont have to have a mythical person for it to be magical, its what YOU decide to make Christmas that will make it special and magical.

Yes, I spoil my kids rotten at Christmas, but, I hope I am bringing them up to believe that Christmas isnt just about presents, but, its about your friends, your family, and your neighbours, its about love, and kindness.
I am a religious person, but, I dont force this on my children, I will let them make their own mind up about this when they are old enough.

Speak to your son, and ask him what Christmas means to him, and tell him what it means to you.
People can still have a magical Christmas, as ive said, its what you decide to do make it magical, that will have an everlasting effect on you kids.


Jackie

tosca5

11 is way too old to be believing in santa, how was the teacher to know that a child at that age still believed in him.
My Daughter is 8 and this year santa very much lives, he won't be around next year though.