Help, what to do? Son's teacher just told him Santa's Not Real

aloiseb

Can't you just tell your son that when people say they don't believe in Santa any more, then it's sad but he can't come to them, but the child's parents - or whoever looks after them - step in and bring the presents instead?
I got this from a book by Libby Purves the Radio 4 broadcaster. She says it worked for her, and it seems to work for my children. Actually mine are both quite logical types and have both (probably!) figured things out by now, but I would like to think that saying this would keep the "magic" alive....after all it's the magic of love, which does exist doesnt' it?

dee_mum_of_3

I cant help but read into this that a lot of posters are saying he will be bullied for believing? why? and no he wont its a personal thing and if you condone bullying for a child believing in santa then your spirit of xmas is entirely misguided.
We have 3 sons 14,12 and 7 none of them have ever been told that santa doesnt exist theyve questioned us but we leave the questions open ended we dont lie we look at things from another angle so far its worked for us....as for lapland son aged 14 a v trendy popular football player also on gifted and talented(mini boast over -sorry) said ohh yeah id go there ..........why do kids have to grow up and have the magic beaten out of them?i say what works for you as a family is the way to go!!
I think the teacher was wrong in saying that and i think in times where lessons are so stringent and teachers are dealing with teenage pregnancies stabbings etc etc(as told by other posters) then surely they have no time to be destroying childrens imaginations........i personally think your son knew and its a family tradition that brings you all happiness to share i dont for a minute think kids stand in the school yard discussing santa and the toothfairy
the way we explained this was by saying years ago when money was a lot tighter santa ensured every child got a present but now cos mums work and people have a little more money sometimes santa doesnt need to be that involved but its all to do with believing!!.

albertross_2

No-one is condoning bullying. Fact is, it happens, anyone a bit out of the ordinary gets picked on, so if your a mummy's boy talking about fairy's, lapland, and santa at secondary school, you'll get the !!!! taken out of you. Humiliation is an experience anyone can do without at that age.

Rachie_B

Dustykitten wrote: »

DS2 is 11 (1st year secondary) and he knows the score. Last year he questioned it a lot but still wanted to believe. At easter when the bunny comes to our garden and hides little eggs we had a chat as he knew that was us and I let him know about FC then. I did not want him going to seondary school believing and being teased. He said to me that whilst he was sad he did not exist he had been wondering for sometime if it was true. The best bit is he has said he is so glad I told him and did not lie. He is playing along so well for DS3 (5) and is just as excited.

Tip for parents with young ones. We always said the stocking and the gift they asked santa for were from him (separate paper) and the others from us. I feel this makes it more easy to believe and stops the fear that if you don't believe you get nothing.

We have just been to see the man in red and DS2 and DS1 (13) both wanted to come and were concerned that they would ask for something that they would get to keep the magic for DS3.

Happy Christmas to you all.

same as us ! very sensible

my sons are 11 (yr 7) and 5 too !

Rachie_B

dee_mum_of_3 wrote: »

I cant help but read into this that a lot of posters are saying he will be bullied for believing? why? and no he wont its a personal thing and if you condone bullying for a child believing in santa then your spirit of xmas is entirely misguided.

its not nice, and its not right

but it happens ! unfortunately

kids latch onto something and make a big deal out of it

Poppy9

Quackers wrote: »

STOP IT NOW!

Please.:)

Not that I truly know what has been said because I cannot bear to read through 4 pages of lies and bad mouthing of Santa...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
:xmassmile

Oh Quackers am I too late? I've put up my "Santa please stop here" sign in the bay window. Will he stop, will he? Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?:D

pennypuppy

My cousin's son (also 11)had got into 2 fights with other children because he fervently believed in santa and they didn't. She then told her son and he was absolutely mortified and said "mum why didn't you tell me sooner, now the other kids are laughing at me".

I have to be really careful with him round my children because he is liable to spill the beans and is quite miserable about the whole thing.

kitschkitty

Nenen wrote: »

I've read this thread with great interest as I've been a teacher (for the past 26 years) and am a mum of three (now almost grown-up) children. I have never met a child above the age of ten (who does not have learning difficulties) who still believes in Father Christmas so I am not at all suprised the teacher in a secondary school made the same assumption.

I think talking about Santa not being real at secondary school age is not 'challenging a family's beliefs' (as some PP have intimated) as the teacher would fully expect that the adults in the family did not really believe in the reality of Santa and so neither would children at that age. The reality of Santa is not a religious belief held by adults and so a belief in Santa cannot possibly be treated in the same way as Christians believing in the reality of Jesus or Muslims the reality of Mohammed etc.

In my experience, a few children start to ask questions about the reality of Santa at five years old, some more children start questioning at six, then by seven or eight years old most are starting to have serious doubts and by nine not a single child I've ever taught has ever said anything to show s/he believes in Santa; in fact when the subject has come up all the children of 9 and over I've ever met have been at great pains to tell me they know for a fact Santa isn't real. I often think they seem relieved they can be honest about their lack of belief in Santa in a way they cannot be with their parents! I also think any child who is maintaining the charade that they believe is doing so just in front of his/her parents, probably in order to ensure s/he gets presents! Children of 9 and over talk very openly to each other and to teachers in school about their knowledge that Santa isn't real!

In school, I do what I did with my own children and that is, when they start to ask questions which show they want truthful answers, I tell them the story of St Nicholas who was born more than 1700 years ago and explain how he was a very good man whose example lives on through all the good deeds that so many people in countries all around the world continue to do by giving to children secretly at Christmas in his name. I stress the 'magical' properties of lovingly and unselfishly giving in secret with no expectation of thanks or reward and say that the most magical thing of all is that this good deed by one man has caused people all around the world to do the same for hundreds of years. In this way, love and goodness are made to last for ever... a 'magical' feat indeed!

In the same way, when children ask questions about fairies, I tell them the fairies represent all the good and happy thoughts that we have, thoughts about things we wish we could do for others, eg help them feel good about the loss of their teeth. By explaining Father Christmas and fairies in this way children never feel they have been 'lied to' rather that symbols have been used to represent abstract thoughts of goodness and wonder... in my view an extremely important part of childhood and one which can persist long after the realisation that although the symbols themselves are not real the feelings and acts of kindness are.

Maybe you could explain something similar to your ds.

Well said.

My personal view is that by 11 a child should be told that some people believe in Santa and others don't and then they have the choice to continue to believe if they want to. If a parent is perpetuating/promoting the idea that Santa is a real person as if it's a fact then I do feel it's not constructive to the child's development.

I think that parents encouraging children to think about their beliefs and make their own choices is a lot healthier than trying to sustain lies.

It's the difference between a parent telling a child Santa IS real compared to a parent telling a child Well I (like to) believe Santa is real (as do lots of other people).

I don't think most of us could get through our daily lives without clinging to some ideas that we like to believe are true (but the thing being as we know they aren't necessarily)!

thriftlady_2

Thank you Nenen for your comments, very well put indeed. I shall be trying your strategy myself. My ds2 who is in year 6 is still a believer, and quite honestly I'm worried he will still be a believer this time next year. I'm worried that he might be ridiculed by his schoolmates. His older brother doesn't believe but nothing he says makes any difference. I'm keeping quiet this year, but I think once kids are at secondary school it is time to say goodbye to Father Christmas although not to the spirit of secret giving.

I've told my children that when you stop believing in Father Christmas then parents have to take over the job, so as not to disappoint. Ds2 has told me he hopes that his children believe in FC so that he doesn't have to buy the presents I think his main reason for continued belief is that he simply can't accept that we would spend all that money on the three of them. He is a born moneysaver;)

nick65_2

My 13 year old keeps seeing me coming in, but her lips are sealed as she knows if she tells her 8 year old bruv. then that ends the Santa Stocking gifts :eek:

Anyway, if there are non believers then watch this on Christmas Eve - If the North American Air Defence are tracking him, then how come he is not real

You can't honestly tell me that the Americans are just doing it for fun - Are they??


www.noradsanta.org