Where to focus - mortgage, renovations etc?

shellstar

Scan went well. Baby has everything it should and is the size it should be. Very relieved. Still waiting on the test results. They said it would take 2 weeks if all ok or I'll get a call within 3 working day. Fingers crossed I don't get that call, but the staff seemed to think there was a low chance of that following the scan. 

No mortgage stuff to report. Am feeling like I can get a little excited now and told one of my best friends today. He was really happy for us, so that was lovely. I'm most looking forward to telling OHs family. He wants to tell them in person and as they live in Scotland, that will be on Xmas Eve. It's his family and his choice so I'm fine with that, but I'll be packing my own non-alcoholic drinks cos they won't have got any in and fingers crossed there aren't too many booze related presents! 

9 sleeps until he's hopefully home! Can't wait to have someone else to do the occasional dog walk, now the weather is colder.

savingholmes

So pleased the scan went well. 

What a lovely surprise that will be for OH's family. Glad your OH will be home soon. 

shellstar

4 more sleeps until OH is home! It genuinely feels like that is months away. I'm a little worried I'm going to cry on him when he walks through the door.  I'm generally feeling much better but this morning sickness is getting a bit much. Ginger nuts help, and eating little and often, but I do get it wrong sometimes. Generally start the day off ok, but by evening I am garbage. I don't think the house is going to be as clean and tidy as it usually is when he comes home (I have warned him. He says he doesn't care). I'm going to try and make sure the loft and en suite etc. are really nice, as he hasn't seen them yet. However, if all the evenings this week are like last night, when it was all I could do to get the dog walked, feed myself something and stay awake to 8pm I'm not sure I'll even manage that. Doesn't help that work is really full on at the moment. I am pretty good at sticking to 9-5 but doesn't mean it doesn't leave you drained. 

On mortgage side we've got another £66 from the utility company so that will go on the mortgage. I also got told off for not doing my corporate credit card expenses for 3 months (in my defence, these relate to the trip where I got covid and I've not really been right since so it just slipped my mind to do it after the trip). On the plus side as I was doing them I realised I had £160 of mileage I'd forgotten to claim so that is now in. That won't go on the mortgage though. I've realised the maternity pay at this company isn't as good as previous companies I've worked for, so I need to save up much more to cover the gap. So my general savings are actually pivoting to pay off the 0% card before the baby is born (0% runs until Jan 2024 but as I'll only get 3 months full pay, I need to bring forward the date I've paid it off) and saving up that gap - I'd rather save it extra than rely on the emergency fund, which is now at £7.5k but I'm building that slowly each month. 

We're not giving up on the mortgage goal, but OH will have his sea pay and I can use my 2023 bonus towards that goal so I feel I can use most of my salary for the CC and maternity leave savings. Given OH will likely drop his income during that period, I feel I really need to ensure I can cover all of our bills, food etc. whilst I am off work. If I can, I'd love to be able to take the year, but to do that I'll need to feel like we can cope financially. 

savingholmes

Good OH will be home soon. Don't sweat about the cleanliness side of things. Look after you and the rest will sort. 

Good you have a financial plan. That's better than me before kids!

shellstar

So Xmas was perfect (for me). OH was back did such a good job of looking after me. I feel like a new person. No longer ill, much better energy. It could also be that I'm over the worst in terms of morning sickness etc (still have my moments but much improved), but I do think the rest has really helped me get there. He's back at work now and will be gone again end of the month, but it was nice to have the help for a little while! 

So, OH has put in his notice - EEK! He'll officially leave next January but should be home from October we hope. It's such a big moment for him, he's been in 24 years. He's nervous as hell but I think it is the right thing for him and our family. He immediately loses £700 a month from his pay, so we spent the weekend cancelling out a few DDs. Including Sky Sports! Never thought I'd see the day, but he says they no longer show the matches he bought it for so he seems happy with that move. 

One thing we have agreed is that we will get a cleaner. I've resisted this for a long time as it's such a luxury and not in keeping with our money saving goals, but this house is much larger than my last. Friends and family keep saying we should, and he's been pushing for it for a while. I guess that tells you a lot about my cleaning standards ! I think the general view is that with a demanding full time job, the dog and a life etc. then it's only going to get harder once a baby is here. I kind of want to save the money, but I've agreed to look into it and it can be the first thing we cut if things do get too tight. I've got one company coming this Friday to quote. They say they quote by doing a trial clean and seeing how long it takes, so worse comes to worst I'll have a spotless house this Friday! 

On the money saving side, a friend told me about Vinted and I've managed to get almost all the maternity clothes I'll need, including BNWT items, for less than £60! Am dead chuffed with that. I've got items for yoga, for work and for general life. Only things I should need now is underwear. Am not yet in maternity wear but it won't be long. My current clothes are definitely starting to get uncomfortable, although I can still do them up! 

OH says he's got £2k to pay off the mortgage but he hasn't sent me it yet. I think he likes looking at it in his bank account. I've got the energy support payment to add, and I've made £15 on Quidco recently so need to transfer that over. I think hitting our £12k target is gonna be tough this year if I'm honest. I guess we'll see. 

We still haven't finished the loft - OH is definitely avoiding that and I don't want to press it just yet. Instead, he wants to add shelves to a landing cupboard to keep his tools in. He'll be using the left over wood from the fitted cupboard so won't cost us anything. I also mentioned that one day (definitely not a priority) I wanted to replace the doors in our house. They are the brown cardboard ones that you get in council houses. Absolutely nothing wrong with them, but brown isn't my fave colour and I just find they remind me of my childhood in a way I don't like. OH has suggested we 'renovate' them somehow. I did paint the one in the loft with a gloss colour that matched the feature wall, but I'm wondering if there is a way to tart the doors up more than just that. I get the logic, as doors are pricey once you've been through the house. Will have to google or Pinterest for some ideas or something. 

shellstar

Hello,

I’m reviving this diary for tips and support hopefully. Life has changed since I last wrote. I still feel fortunate but as I said before, life can turn very quickly and for me it has. I now have a beautiful DS who is 16 months old and brings me so much joy; being his mum is everything to me and I do my best for him every day. He is a happy, healthy little boy.

Unfortunately, I’m no longer with his father, who faced significant mental health challenges shortly after our son was born. This was a huge shock. I’d previously asked him to seek help for depression, and he seemed anxious about becoming a dad, but it turned out to be much, much worse than I had thought. I've been managing mostly on my own since then. Family helped, but they are not close and it’s been tough sometimes. Ex-DP is doing better but still doesn’t fully engage, doesn’t currently look after our son without me present etc. He didn’t leave his job and we tend to see him 2 weekends in 3 when not deployed. He currently pays half the mortgage, half the bills and half the childcare, so in that I am fortunate as I know a lot of men just walk away entirely. We technically ‘co-habit’ but he isn’t here all that much tbf. Obvs he stays in the spare room when here. I would very much like the house to be mine and for him not to stay, but these are the current circumstances as his job is far away and he can't afford to buy his own place near here unless and until I buy him out or we sell. The mortgage has two more years to run.

I want to stay in our community, which has been a lifeline for me since my son was born. I also was let go from my previous job the week before I was due to return to work and although I got a settlement, the jobs market has been awful and so I’ve taken a junior role with a substantial pay cut and more travel than I can manage. I’ve just been paid for the first time all year (aside from my settlement, which was nice, but when you don't know how long you'll be unemployed it can be a very scary, anxious and upsetting time). I cried with relief to finally have my footing again. I’m actively looking for something with less travel.

It obviously has been a difficult time but I am coping well and now I’m working again, feeling much less anxious and able to refocus on the future I want to create for my son and I. I am realistic that I may not be able to stay here, or in this house, but I'm going to give it a bl00dy good go! 

So, whilst I have been doing small projects to renovate the house, I am now extremely time poor so my priorities are saving to either buy out my ex and/or take on the mortgage in two years time. I was as frugal as I could be for the 5 months I was unemployed so what is left of my settlement is a good sized emergency fund and a good start in buying him out, but nowhere near everything I need. Ex at least has said he will remortgage with me if I want to stay and can’t buy him out or find somewhere cheaper in the community (which is unlikely, given we’re already at the lower end of the houses available). I haven’t been able to find a link to the Statement of Affairs file. Can anyone point me to that and I’ll re-do things with my current circumstances? I want to set aside at least £500 a month to help towards my goals or whatever next comes my way! 😊

shellstar

First order of business: Should I get a rewards credit card? I have a couple of cards I never use and plan to cancel. Last one I used was for the IVF and it was paid off before my DS was born. 

My new job is a good salary (£70k) but there is no bonus and this is a lot less than I was previously on, so I'm looking at ways to boost income potentially, to help me towards my goal. I have a good salary, but high outgoings, live in an expensive area and am now a single mum, although for now ex is paying half of bills (nothing towards food, toys, dog, outings etc. only bills. He resents this a little as he's not here much, but refuses to move out and do child support so when I lost my job, I told him as we 'co-habit' and his son is here full time, he can pay half the bills. So he does atm. It works out as a little more than child support would be). I already use Quidco fairly religiously. 

I'm considering exploring getting some kind of cash back credit card. I've never spent this way before though. I do budget religiously, and I have YNAB still. I am also open to any free or cheaper alternative budgeting apps people would recommend. What I really like about YNAB, which I've used for donkeys years, is that it is linked to my bank, as that helps a lot with the admin. So I think with YNAB or similar, I should be able to keep my spend within budget and pay the card off each month. 

Do others do this? Is it worth it do you think? Anything I should be aware of (other than the need to pay it off each month)? 

LadyWithAPlan

So sorry to hear about all the shocks and changes, though you must be thrilled to have the child you always wanted and a job again  
It sounds  like you are doing well and at least with half the bills covered you have some room to save 

I think as you use YNAB religiously you can trust yourself with a cc I don’t think there is a cheaper version that works as well 
I have one purely for abroad so not best to advise - I did hear Chase have decent cashback ? I think there is a guide on mse on them 

shellstar

I really am thrilled to have both a child and a job LadyWithAPlan. I've found myself pretty tired at the end of the day but I am sleeping (and frankly breathing) so much easier. DS is teething at the mo so started waking at 4.30am this morning. I played his lullaby's over his monitor and he did keep going back to sleep. Finally slept until 6am which is good. Of course, I was awake from 4.30 but as long as it doesn't happen too many nights in a row, I find it's pretty manageable. I'll go to bed early tonight for sure! 

So, I cancelled one of my old credit cards last week but I'm finding they really make it very difficult. I was on a death loop with Barclaycard for ages before I registered online just to try to close it that way. Thought I was making progress and then it timed out. I did manage to cancel Santander on my second attempt. Not sure I will have time to cancel Barclaycard this week if it's going to be more hoops. I have one other card, M&S, that I haven't tried yet. 

I had a look at the cashback guide for cards and I think the American Express one would get me aroudn £300 a year, based on current spending patterns. I worked this out with the help of ChatGPT, because I am not so good at even vaguely complex arithmetic. That saved me some time. I'll look to open that card once I've closed the others. 

I also began the process of making a will using the free will month scheme. I've made my donation and have an appointment next Monday. 

I am having to travel away with work this week. I'll be leaving my son for the first time. Granny (ex's mum) is coming to look after DS while I'm away, so I'm making slow cooker honey and mustard chicken thighs with jacket potatoes and green beans for dinner. Usually, I defrost a batch cook during the week, or make something really quick and simple as I usually only get about 15 mins to make dinner. However, all my batch cooks are divided either into portions for DS (which I usually use at weekends) or portions for the both of us. There isn't much room for other adults in my portioning so figured I would make something from scratch in my lunch hour. I also need to do chores (and eat!) in my lunch hour, so slow cooker it is!

I got a tax rebate this month as it looks like I was over taxed on my redundancy. I have been super extravagant and bought myself some new slippers (my old ones are falling apart) and a new raincoat as my old one no longer keeps me dry and has split seams etc. The raincoat was £49 but it has a removable fleece inside and will be good for camping, so I am happy with the purchase. I put the rest of the rebate into my NS&I account to buy premium bonds (my ISA is maxed out from the redundancy) so there is an additional £1000 into my 'buy out or move' pot. So first month back at work and I've made good progress I think. 

Sarahwithlove

Sorry to read about you and hubby, shame mostly for your son. But sounds like you are doing everything you can to give him a good life. I know you are reluctant to move but could you potentially move closer to family so you have good support system? 

Soa can be found here https://www.lemonfool.co.uk/financecalculators/soa.php