Where to focus - mortgage, renovations etc?

MeandO

So sorry to read about your change in circumstances shellstar, it sounds like you’ve been through a really tough time of it. You also sound very determined to make the best life for you and your son and I have no doubt you will do so. I was in similar circumstances to you 11 years ago when my son was 2 and my ex husband and I split up. We had to co-habit our house for 18 months as we couldn’t sell the house and neither of us could afford to rent. I eventually bought him out of the house but it was a struggle. I had no family or friends nearby and pretty much dragged myself through the following few years. It was the hardest time of my life but it has made me realise I can get through anything for my son’s sake and I will always do whatever I can to make things the best they can be for him, just as you are doing now.  It’s also made me extremely independent and good with my money! I can sense the same drive and fight in your post and I wish you and your son the happiest of lives. I will say, it will be so much easier to move on and concentrate on building your new life when the ex is no longer staying at the house. Would you have enough equity to buy somewhere of your own if you sold up? Even if it’s a tiny house, it will be your tiny house and DS will thrive with a Mum so determined to make things great for him.  X

shellstar

@Sarahwithlove thank you for your reply, which I only just saw as I was travelling with work for the first time. My son coped well with me being gone (better than me!) and gave me lovely smiles and cuddles when I got back. I think it helped he is in a good routine, but I'm continuing to look for a job with less travel. I'll check out the SOA asap. Thank you for the link.

I don't think moving would help. My own family are an hour away and can't help with my DS. My mother is arthritic and depressed. My brother is also depressed and has a physical disability that would make it hard for him to care for a small one. He also has zero interest and we aren't close. He hasn't worked in a long time and still lives at home. We have very different lives. We are very different people. I've left my son with my mum briefly twice (30 mins or less) and both times I came back to find him crying and her reading her kindle. She was apologetic both times and said it wouldn't happen again but obviously I can't risk that again. I love my mum, but I have accepted she isn't someone who can help me care for DS and that's ok. She visits and she is company for me and another lap for the dog, which is still help. She'd rather visit my house as it gives her a break from my brother and she doesn't want to have to childproof her home (her words). 

My ex's family are better with my DS. Granny (Ex-DPs mum) is the only other person I can leave my son with for any length of time/overnight. She's 400 miles away but tbh, I don't want to completely uproot my life to be closer to my ex's family as I'm not from there and I don't know anybody else. His mum is nearly 70 so I won't be able to rely on that support forever. The reason I want to stay where I live is because I do have a support system of friends and professionals here. Plus the village is very friendly and has a wonderful community to raise my son in. My childminder is wonderful and I have a fantastic babysitter who is expensive but well qualified (a nanny by day) and I don't use her often so can afford the few times that I do. I have lots of friends who come and visit or stay with me often. They don't babysit, but many of them have said they would be willing to do so when my son is older, so I don't feel isolating myself from what I currently have would help. Things aren't easy, but a lot of the issues are temporary and due to my son being so young. 

I've managed to cancel all of the credit cards now, and I have secured a solicitor through the will aid scheme so hopefully I will have a will in place soon. I haven't opened a cash back credit card yet as I've not had time but I am still considering that. So far this month I've kept under £100 a week on groceries/household items/dog food so I'm pleased with that. I haven't started my Xmas present shopping yet but I have lowered the budget for each person and will be starting to give some thought to that soon. 

When I was away apparently the door to my freezer stopped closing properly and I lost some of my batch cooks. Mostly those portioned for my son. Total pain! Granny and ex-DP both said I needed a new freezer but a quick YouTube later and I'd cleaned and refitted the gasket and problem solved, so I feel like that was pretty good money saving if I'd just taken them at their word. I now need to plan for more batch cooks and it's been a crazy week this week so I've actually just depleted my freezer stash more than added to it. I'll make a plan over the weekend for building it back up again. 

This weekend I'm meeting friends out and about both days with DS (will need to pay for lunch for one of the days but I saved money last week when travelling so that's ok) and I'm hoping the weather isn't too bad so I can take him and the dog out somewhere nice together. I try to avoid being stuck in the house with the both of them as we all go stir crazy. Some lovely friends have offered to come and make me dinner on Tuesday so DS will have one of the freezer meals that are left and I will enjoy some adult time. I'm not sure when I'll have time/energy for the SOA as it's been a full on week this week but I'll do my best. 

shellstar

@MeandO I didn't see your post either! I only just spotted it. Thank you so much for sharing a part of your story. It really gives me hope that I'm on the right path. Finding myself a single parent was not on my life plan, especially when he is so young. I'm doing my best though! 

I absolutely am open to moving house. What I would very much like is to stay in the village I live in. It really is a community that supports my son and I every day. Even just today, I took him and the dog out, bumped into another mum and we all went to the park together. Then she helped me get them both home cos my son refused to be in the pushchair, got tired walking and carrying him and holding the dog etc. was quite the juggle. It's a small thing. I know these things can happen in other places. I've lived lots of places in the UK before. But this kind of thing happens every day here. It's a special place. I love living here and it's where I want to raise my son. So hopefully I can either buy out ex, or find somewhere else in the village. I'd be happy with either of those, so that's my current goal. 

I hope you and your son are very happy now and things are easier.

shellstar

Pay day was on Monday! My new company are a bit odd as there seems to be no set pay day. Apparently I can get paid anywhere between 20th and 25th each month. I'm used to it being a set date, which can sometimes be impacted by the weekend but that's it. I've moved all my bills to the 1st of the month to make sure I don't run into any problems there.

I've applied for the American Express Card but haven't heard anything more. Not even an email actually. That doesn't seem right does it? I'll take another look when I get the chance. 

I am embracing my slow cooker and my therapist suggested I use foil trays with cardboard lids as can easily freeze portions in those, whack 'em in the oven for an hour and dinner is ready. Haven't tried it yet but would definitely help. I have to be super organised about dinner. I only get around 15 minutes to get it ready once I've collected DS (if I want to keep us on track for bedtime, which I really do!) and whilst he's pretty good at playing independently, he also loves to be up in Mummies arms as she readies the dinner, which makes it pretty hard to chop one handed or deal with hot pans etc. I'm pretty good at it these days. Sometimes I think back to the days when I had two hands to complete a task and wonder how I wasted so much time!   

Now I've been paid I'll do my SOA asap. Maybe that can be my Friday night fun. Although they aren't actually taking my pension yet. That kicks in January I think, so maybe I should wait until then to really understand my take-home pay? 

I've started getting ready for Xmas. I've halved the budget of what I spend for everybody except my son. The budget for his presents is £100. I'll go halves on something bigger with his dad and then get him some smaller toys to play with. He's very interested in using cutlery at the moment, which I am fully encouraging, despite the step back in mess levels. I've ordered some toddler forks etc. from Vinted. I've still got £12.99 in my account from having sold some things earlier in the year. I have a few more bits listed, including pram suits and sleeping bags which usually sell well, but so far nothing. 

I checked and I've got about £85 in my Quidco account so I might draw that down on the 1st and get more premium bonds with it.

Had another look to see if any houses within my affordability have come up in the village and the answer is a resounding no. If I can get back to my old salary level then I will have options, as there are definitely houses within that multiple, but I've also been looking for jobs and so far there is even less than when I was unemployed. Thank the Lord I found this job when I did. It's a brutal jobs market at the moment, or seems to be in my industry. Maybe something will come up in the New Year. 

shellstar

Ok, here is my new SOA. I decided to base it just on myself, so bills are just my half of what I pay. :

Household Information[/b]

Number of adults in household........... 1

Number of children in household......... 1

Number of cars owned.................... 1[b]

Monthly Income Details[/b]

Monthly income after tax................ 4263

Partners monthly income after tax....... 0

Benefits................................ 41.67 (Taxfree Childcare contribution. Will get free childcare hours from end of Jan)

Other income............................ 0[b]

Total monthly income.................... 4304.67[/b][b]

Monthly Expense Details[/b]

Mortgage................................ 1016

Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0

Rent.................................... 0

Management charge (leasehold property).. 0

Council tax............................. 120

Electricity............................. 109.42 (includes gas)

Gas..................................... 0

Oil..................................... 0

Water rates............................. 14.99

Telephone (land line)................... 0

Mobile phone............................ 62.34 (am switching to sim only in January/February)

TV Licence.............................. 7.5

Satellite/Cable TV...................... 0

Internet Services....................... 0

Groceries etc. ......................... 450 (Myself and DS. Includes nappies, toiletries & household products)

Clothing................................ 50 (for DS and I)

Petrol/diesel........................... 70

Road tax................................ 1.67

Car Insurance........................... 27.62

Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 54.17

Car parking............................. 0

Other travel............................ 0

Childcare/nursery....................... 535 (childminder and 1 night out a month. Don't always do the night out)

Other child related expenses............ 100 (50 Junior ISA contribution. Other 50 for things like softplay). 

Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 61.92 (Dentist and Opticians)

Pet insurance/vet bills................. 61.3 (Pet insurance, food and treats)

Buildings insurance..................... 11.76 (includes contents)

Contents insurance...................... 0

Life assurance ......................... 47.35

Other insurance......................... 0

Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 79.17 

Haircuts................................ 50 (Cut and colour 3 times a year. My hairdresser says her assistant can do the colour and this will bring the cost down in future). 

Entertainment........................... 60 (night out, books, music, anything fun not with my son). 

Holiday................................. 125 (Planning Butlins in June next year, and 2-3 camping trips). 

Emergency fund.......................... 0 (Already have £36k assigned as an emergency fund so not planning to add to this for now)

Dog walks............................... 120 (x3 a week @ £10 per walk. Nice to have, but makes a huge difference to me)

Subscriptions........................... 22.5 (Private Eye and YNAB)

Charitable giving....................... 36

Therapy................................. 280 (Currently a must have. Hopefully not forever.)

Home Maintenance........................ 64.42 (includes window cleaner and general repair etc.)

Total monthly expenses.................. 3638.13

[b]

Assets[/b]

Cash.................................... 60242

House value (Gross)..................... 550000 (full value, not half)

Shares and bonds........................ 18266

Car(s).................................. 6000

Other assets............................ 0[b]

Total Assets............................ 634508[/b]

[b]

Secured & HP Debts[/b]

Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR

Mortgage...................... 365136...(1016).....2.69[b]

Total secured & HP debts...... 365136....-.........-   [/b]

[b]Unsecured Debts[/b]

Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR[b]

Total unsecured debts..........0.........0.........-  [/b]

[b]

Monthly Budget Summary[/b]

Total monthly income.................... 4,304.67

Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 3,638.13

Available for debt repayments........... 666.54

Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 0[b]

Amount left after debt repayments....... 666.54[/b]

[b]Personal Balance Sheet Summary[/b]

Total assets (things you own)........... 634,508

Total HP & Secured debt................. -365,136

Total Unsecured debt.................... -0[b]

Net Assets.............................. 269,372[/b]

shellstar

So looking at this, I should be able to save my target of £500 per month pretty comfortably each month. I could maybe try to get things down to save even more. I'd welcome feedback. I don't want to cut the dog walks though. He gets walked 3 times a week by a lady in the village. With how I've structured things, this means I only need to walk the dog and my son around the village in the dark (with no street lights or pavements) once every 3 weeks, instead of most days. It also means that I get more time with my son to play etc. in the evenings, so whilst yes, a luxury, given I can afford it for me it's really not as it means safety and time with my son. 

shellstar

Happy New Year Diary! 

Had a surprisingly good Christmas in terms of saving money. I realised that less really is more when it comes to toddler gifts. My DS only got about five presents, most under £20 and while he enjoyed them, he really didn’t need more. He received a lot from family and friends too, so I could have spent even less. For anyone with a toddler, they really don’t need much under 18 months. Hopefully that will remain the same for a while yet. Will update when he turns 2! 

I also got my American Express card and have earned £80 in cashback so far. I’m paying off the balance in full each month, and I understand that the cashback is credited after a year so I guess it's a longer term benefit but I'm pleased I went with this option now.

I also moved my ISA to get a slightly better rate. The new provider gives an update on daily interest every day and it's slightly addictive to see it tick up each day. I've gained £75 since I opened it 4 weeks ago.

The big thing I’m working on now is sorting my living situation. My ex-DP and I have managed to co-exist in the house, but his mental health isn’t great and that affects my well being sometimes when he is here, feeling like I'm walking on egg shells not to stress him out. He's not abusive, but it is draining. There’s a house in the village that I’ve had my eye on for a while, and now that I’ve passed my probation at work, I’ve been able to look into it more seriously. It's smaller than my current place but therefore costs less and it needs less work. It would be cheaper to run as well, which is a big plus. 

The seller has had some trouble with buyers, but I'm lead to believe they may be interested to buy my place. I’ve made an offer contingent on selling my current home. The estate agent thinks it could work out for everyone, and my ex is supportive of the plan, as long as we don’t have to put the house on the open market. I've spoken to my mortgage provider and if I use what is left of my redundancy to pay down some capital (and a smallish over payment charge) they will let me port my current rate. Ex-DP doesn't have plans to buy within the next couple of years so he is currently ok with that. 

Fingers crossed it all comes together! Since everything fell apart my main goal has always been to stay in my village and I really hope I can secure that if things work out. The seller's are viewing my place later this week. 

julicorn

Happy New Year! Fingers crossed you get that house, it sounds perfect! Am I reading that right, that there might be a possibility of the seller buying your house as well, i.e. swapping houses (with some money changing hands of course)? Or am I misreading? Either way, hoping it all works out for you, it sounds like it's been quite a stressful time!

shellstar

Yes, they were going to buy my house and me theirs. However, having set-up the viewing yesterday I've had a call this morning to say it's all off. Apparently one of them changed jobs recently and they've realised they would have a significant mortgage shortfall, so they can't afford to buy my house anymore. In fact, they can't really afford what they are looking for so they have removed the house from the market. So that's a bit rubbish. Was exciting for a couple of weeks I guess.

Ex-DP doesn't want to put our place on the market and there isn't anything else currently available within my budget in the village, so I'll have to shelve that plan for now. 

shellstar

Feeling a little down today tbh. On Wednesdays both my DS and the dog go to daycare (Ex pays for doggy daycare) and so I get a whole 45 minutes to myself before I start work. Plan this morning was to ready for the viewing and even though I was trying not to get my hopes up, the thought of something perhaps going my way so easily does appear to have led to me being a bit excited. 2 weeks of thinking I could move things forward a bit, without having to sacrifice everything I thought my life would be 2 years ago. I guess I'll have a day or two of feeling a little gutted and move on. 

So instead I've used the time to list more of my DS's old bits on Vinted. Some sleeping bags, an old (spare) monitor, some swimwear that he's grown out of. Might as well keep plugging away at the savings, though I won't be able to save my way into buying out my ex. It's such a shame, because if I hadn't been made redundant at the end of maternity leave, or had been able to find a similar level role, I'd actually have been able to buy him out by now. However, the jobs market remains pretty bad. I had an interview for a senior position, remote working. Would have worked so well with my DS. I applied in August. I had a second interview in early November. I've heard absolutely nothing since, despite chasing twice. They re-advertised the role the week before Christmas. I've never been treated so appallingly by a company. I realise I've dodged a bullet in terms of employer, but at the same time I was so hopeful, because the job would have solved a lot of problems for me, the main one being the amount of travel I currently have to do with my DS so young. I guess that and other things are just making me feel a bit like nothing is going my way at the moment. 

However, being in the doldrums isn't my natural state. I'm sure something will come along soon to cheer me up.