Where to focus - mortgage, renovations etc?

shellstar

I've got a cold and it's not shifting. Luckily the HR interview went well despite feeling like my head was full of cotton wool. Was supposed to be 30 mins and ended up being an hour. I'm through to the next round - a task. Short, but complex. Luckily I've got two weekends until the deadline which with cold, work, DS and dog walks, I definitely need. If I pass this round, I will move through to the first interview. There will be 3 interview rounds, but I think the final one is just an informal chat with the highest-ups to check they like you. Fingers crossed. I'm really encouraged that 2 senior positions have now been advertised this year (application for the other one went in yesterday). Last year there were just 2 in 6 months, so already it's a better year I hope. I generally think what will be will be, and I find it much easier to feel that way again now I have a job, so if I don't get it, it's not the right one and something else will come up. It's a good company. We shall see. 

Have received my new bank card and the switch is due on the 17th. All seems to be going well so far. I've made a note of the accounts of friends and families as I assume those details won't transfer. 

I've also today just switched phone provider. Moving to a sim only deal, should save £50 a month. I usually upgrade every 4-5 years or so and keep the phone until it doesn't work or the battery completely dies. I was with the old provider for about 15 years. No lie, they always beat the other deals I found. Not so this time, and the new provider uses the same network. Crazy. So I requested my pac code and I hope that goes smoothly as not having a phone is not something I'd cope well with. I feel like my whole life is in my phone, from diary, to emails, to budgets, to the last resort for getting my son to lie still so I can change his bum - YouTube - Cocomelon specifically, which I'm not a huge fan of, but Granny has cultivated an addiction whilst I've been doing my work travels. Poor DS is forced to largely go cold turkey once she leaves as I much prefer him to be running about and playing ball with me than sat square eyed at the tv, but I can't deny it's currently the best tool I have for changing the soiled nappy of King Wriggler. Hopefully 2 mins once or twice a day isn't rotting his brain. I don't use it for wet nappies - I get him to flip through a book standing up whilst I change those.

Apologies if that's TMI haha! If you've got a tiny one, that's a decent top tip though. That and snacking on a rice cake keeps him fairly still as well. Horrible things. He loves them. Needs must.

shellstar

Task submitted so fingers crossed I progress in the process. I was desk rejected from another role which is disappointing as I put a lot of effort into my covering letter and CV. I've also had 3 people independently get in touch to ask if I've seen it because they think I would be a good fit for the role. So not sure where I went wrong there, but them's the breaks. It was a fully remote role and would have worked so well with DS, but there we go. Fingers crossed for the one I am in the running for.

Bit of a spendy weekend as Granny is here. I'm off on another work trip, so dreading that. DS is noticing more and more. He's in a good routine but I hate having to leave him so often. I might feel differently if I was leaving him with another loving parent he see's every day. Loving Granny he see's every 2-3 months will have to do instead. We too a bus trip into town as we thought he would find it fun. He was largely terrified on the way there. Bit better coming back - he almost fell asleep! Last minute an NCT friend put on the group chat did anyone want to meet for a coffee. Turns out we all did, so that was impromptu and lovely. Spent on drinks and snack for Granny and I. DS had snacks I brought with us. Luckily he was happy to sit in his highchair for quite a while this time. He's probably the most active of all the toddlers (which is saying something) and usually I barely get to speak to anyone as I'm chasing him around. Helped having Granny with us too, as she could do some of the chasing. Was lovely to catch-up with some mum's and dad's. 

We both saw the dentist last week. Gold star for DS. Not a gold star for me. He's suggested a new fandangled toothbrush that costs £300!!! I think not. I'll look out for either similar models, or mega sales. I do want good teeth, but that is a little much for me right now. 

Switch to the new bank happens today. All ok so far. I suspect I will forget my pin number immediately. Looking forward to getting the £175 switching money.  

South_coast

You could change the pin to the same one as your old bank? All my cards have the same pin number....😳

shellstar

@South_coast I tried, but for this bank, it can only be done at a cash point, not in the app. I’ll sort it when I get a chance.

Just got my latest childcare invoice. It's the first full month with free hours applied, so much cheaper! Paid into the tax-free childcare account, but it accidentally went in twice, leaving me short in my new bank account. Thankfully, withdrawing it back looks easy.

Back from my work trip and DS coped well. He was thrilled to see me, then immediately tried to wrestle me before refusing dinner. I think his teeth are bothering him more than anything.

No news on my task. Interviews are next week, so I assume I didn’t get through. I thought my submission was strong, and industry friends who I asked to review it before submission gave mostly minor feedback, but competition is bound to have been tough. It’s frustrating, especially after putting in so much effort. I’m also feeling the effects of being out of a senior role for nearly two years—less access to industry insights, no conferences, board meetings, or databases, so I rely on friends for info. Meanwhile, my former company launched a spin-off in my area of expertise, led by someone with less experience but likely cheaper. Bit galling given the business case used to make me redundant was that they were de-prioritising my area. My therapist says this pattern is common, and I now believe redundancy immediately post-maternity leave should just be outright illegal—it has such a huge career impact at a time when your funds are depleted, your networks are stale, your examples are out of date. 

Day-to-day, I manage fine, but setbacks still knock my confidence. I’ll get there, though. Onwards and upwards!

On the bright side, DS is picking up more words—last night’s favourite was “WOW,” said in every tone possible! Also, Granny (Ex-DP’s mum) told me she’s starting to understand how much I juggle as she was looking after him on her own for this trip. She even offered to come down and help if DS gets chicken pox as he was recently exposed to it   That meant a lot—it’s rare for someone to truly see how much you really are taking on with sole custody of a small one and limited local support. it will get better as he gets older though. I have lots of friends in the wings who want to be able to babysit and take him places, but he's a bit too small for them atm. 

LadyWithAPlan

shellstar said:

Thanks @South_coast, I was very surprised and totally over the moon. As you say, nice to be appreciated and rewarded too! I shall be careful to spend save it wisely.

Well done, you are doing so well especially as a single mum. It can only get easier from here.

WOW indeed.. and glad you have Granny to help, and she no doubt loves him.

You will get the next great job

Working_Mum

I simply want to say how well I think you are doing shellstar - being a working mum to a young child is never easy but is particularly hard when you are solo parenting most of the time.

I was a single Mum from my two being 9 and 11 - I ran myself ragged and had all the stresses you do but add in a narc of an ex-husband and precarious self employed income. I muddled through because that was the only direction of travel and I was determined to give my kids the best childhood I could! Now my son is 26 and my daughter is 23 and living their best lives - when we talk about their childhood they honestly do not remember all the things I did wrong they remember the fun, laughter and the adventures we had. They also tell me very regularly that they think they had a better childhood as the three of us (because we able to make our own decisions and they found that empowering).

You are clearly hard working and very conscientious and all of those skills are what makes you a good Mum - he is totally surrounded by love and that is the most important thing of all.

Keep on going! You're doing a great job.

((WM))

shellstar

@LadyWithAPlan thank you. I think I need to get better at focusing on the hear and now, and how much is going my way rather than ruminating on what isn't. I am a total planner, so this can be hard for me. But one day I am sure I will get my career back on track. Or maybe I'll find a way to start a new career. I don't know. But I am healthy, my DS is healthy (and can say Up!) and we are doing well right now. 

@Working_Mum Thank you so much for your kind words. That sounds really tough and whilst it makes me sad I will only have the one, I can't imagine doing this with 2 on my own. The plus side of his Dad's decisions happening when he was so young is that my DS will know no difference. Also, his dad is kind of emotionally absent. Totally shut down and can get overwhelmed very easily, so I don't leave them alone, but he isn't actually abusive. I do thank my lucky stars for that. It is hard, because it's all on me to pick up his slack, but he isn't playing games. He isn't seeking custody of a child he doesn't care about. I am not in danger when he is here. It's just he doesn't love his son, and the level of help/interaction with DS he has is very dependent on his mental health when we do see him. 

He's been away since 2nd Jan and has just told me he will be coming back this week. DS can do so much more now since he saw him at Xmas. Will be interesting to see how he copes. I'll be getting help again with the dog walks 2 out of 3 weekends at least! 

shellstar

On the money side, I was listening to the This is Money podcast at the weekend and they mentioned if you have a N@tionwide account then opening a savings account before 1st March would qualify you for a £100 member bonus payment. I was planning on opening a regular saver with them after pay day, but I've done it early so that I hopefully quality for that bonus payment. I've used the £175 I got for switching banks to open it.

ladysummerisle

Just read from the beginning - quite the rollercoaster, to put it mildly. I’m impressed that you have the bandwidth to apply for jobs - those early years are tough. If you have to use the tv babysitter, don’t feel guilty, we all do it. Some can even be educational! 

I didn’t see on your SOA any reference to child benefit. I appreciate it might be a faff but money is money.. https://www.gov.uk/child-benefit-tax-calculator

Mine are nearly 8 and 3 so I appreciate what a slog it is, especially on your own. I never go
shopping but find M&S convenient for jeans and easy returns. (Even now I ask people to explain how they do things in the hopes of tips to make life easier!)

You’re right that small children don’t need much in the way of presents. I’ve just looked back at my list and 2 was the age mine started sorting toys. Think lines of mini characters, cars, farmyard animals.. plan ahead and I’m sure you can grab a few bargains. 

shellstar

Thanks @ladysummerisle I really appreciate the tips (and solidarity). My son hasn't been all that interested in TV, but just recently he's been really into Cocomellon. If it's on, I usually sit with him and do actions etc, but I confess this morning I let him watch it whilst I got the batch cook ready. It's Wednesday, so I get 45 mins to myself in the morning and I decided I wanted a shower. Atm I usually shower at night, but I was tired last night. We had a bad night last night. I made the mistake of letting him play in the garden before dinner. NOT doing that again for a while. I should have realised. Being brought in from outside always leads to his biggest meltdowns and I haven't yet worked out how to smooth the transition. Time warnings and distraction not working so far! 

The job hunting isn't going too well, so I'm actually now starting to consider a career change. I just can't seem to find something that works for me or my son. I'm also getting just sick of the effort for zero reward. This last one, I spent over a week working on a pre-interview assessment and not only did I not get an interview, I haven't even been told that, despite a chase to the HR contact. Seriously! It's a senior position. You are one of the largest companies in the industry. You should be able to fire off a basic rejection template at minimum, and if you're setting tasks, a sentence or two of feedback would not go amiss. I am actually also interviewing you, you know! Rant over. 

I've been discussing it with my therapist. It would clearly take a while, and I'd have to make sacrifices including likely future earnings, the dream of raising DS in the village etc. but longer term, maybe it's better? I hate the travel. I just hate it now, and I worry if I got a job in London I'd be so far away if my son needed me, if he became ill at the childminder for example. These companies aren't treating candidates well. Why do I want to work for them? Just money? There is more to life than that. I'm in an industry that is being disrupted on a number of fronts. I wanted to help lead the change, but maybe it's time to bail? 

I don't know - I caveat that I have every right to abandon that train of thought if the right job comes along or I decide it's just not feasible. 

On the child benefit, I'm going to apply on 6th April. My redundancy meant I wouldn't get to keep any of it atm, so I'll be applying as soon the new tax year starts.

Great tip on the toys. He's just started lining up his cars. He has a million of those but I'll look into it. Still a few months away. I've got him a lion costume off Vinted for £5 for World Book Day. His favourite animals in Dear Zoo are the lion and the ssssssssnake, cos I say them in silly voices and he thinks it's funny. Nice to have a fan (whilst it lasts, haha).