Debt and Caring

Cherryfudge

Have they not come up with anything at all to help? That's dire.

Well done on the extra earnings.

It was horrible conditions for an active job yesterday. I wonder how other van drivers have managed? I've taken to keeping a small deodorant in my work bag along with a water bottle and, while the weather is so hot, a packet of crisps to replace lost salt!

PennysIntoPounds

Nice payment for online job, I am most impressed and envious!

Have they not suggested surgery for endo?

WelshmansDaughter

The options are surgery, hormones (the pill) or nothing. I went with nothing. I don't really feel like my symptoms are bad enough to risk intervention.

I have definitely been motivated to work more at the online job. I did tell myself I would start slow and try building it up.

Thankfully I remembered to put on deodorant this morning. Although it is nice and cool here today. I was quite sore after running around like a madwoman yesterday.

WelshmansDaughter

Nephews have a dinosaur each. Youngest attacks me with his. Middle sits on his potty to make sure everyone knows it's his and makes a half-hearted wave of his dinosaur.

Eldest nephew meanwhile appears to have joined al Qaeda and is busy flying a plane into a carnotaurus.

A worthwhile use of a Sunday.

WelshmansDaughter

Two fruit flies have unalived themselves in my Santorini style candle. I'm conflicted because I want them gone but I would prefer my candle was untainted.

Today's spur of productivity was sponsored by Yesterday I Forgot My Keys. I left them in my jacket in my sister's porch. Thankfully she drove them to me so I did not have an hour and a half round trip. At 8pm. It scared me, especially since Friday I forgot deodorant. So I got to thinking that I need to curtail my current habits. I wake up and I need to comfort myself and then I go to work and come home and need comfort. But it's all very in the moment and doesn't move anything along.

Cherryfudge

Perhaps you need a grab bag with one of everything in it? I just about solved the keys problem by putting mine on a lanyard which I then attached round the handle of my bag, with the keys dropped inside. Of course this doesn't solve every potentially forgotten item, but most things we can do without if we have to.

I also found that I can get things ready the night before, but if I try it in the morning, it's an uphill struggle.

It's unsettling to forget things but also very human, especially when under stress and having more than one base to work from.

You may find things move forward all of a sudden as you spot a job ad or something.

WelshmansDaughter

Floating along this evening in a wine daze. I won't be doing anything productive tonight.

Worked an hour and 20 minutes overtime. I had planned to come home and clean but that's not happening now. I did do a food shop after work so that's something done.

Every time I think about quitting my job the song Earl had to die comes into my head. Freudian.

WelshmansDaughter

This week's understanding- what black and white thinking actually looks like. I had the thought that I would stay in my job. Mostly it has to be said because there is stuff I want to get. I was happy with the thought of staying and glad that it had resolved. I had a follow up thought- my purpose was now to increase my income and having my current job was a large chunk of that.

It seemed like clarity was had at last and I worked away quite happily on Wednesday and even managed to do something after work. I finished putting my tricycle together and took it out for a test ride. And then I cycled instead of taking the bus to sisters. And my legs hurt. Throughout the day I had little reminders of how tired I am, mentally and physically. I don't feel like I am present when I'm with the kids. And part of that is due to sleeping badly on Wednesday nights. My body is stiff and sore and I keep getting random little illnesses. Currently, the only day I have off is Sunday- as in day I don't have to go anywhere.

I have conversations with people at work and I want to stay. I see the people at work and how they live and I want to go. Work presents a challenge and I think I can stay, work is too much of a challenge and I want to go.

The advantage of this week has been I can now identify the thinking as absolute. And that means it is probably not the best option in the long run. I don't want to be this tired all the time. And with the changes that are coming in at work, it will likely be more tiring. Other things are piling up, I'm finding it difficult to make decisions and work on projects.

There are things that could be improved now- eating better, rest and recovery etc. And my life isn't going to change overnight. It's just that waiting is something I am not very good at.

A job interview has been secured for next week- hopefully this will prove a viable option.

Cherryfudge

Clarity is a valuable thing to find.

Well done on the job interview!

WelshmansDaughter

I am currently raging at the wind which refuses to let me sit undisturbed with the window open. My focus is on the book I am reading and not curtains in my face thank you very much.

It has become clear to me that my unexpressed emotions have become a significant barrier in progressing. With anything. I am reading a book about Expressive Writing and it seems to be helping already by putting a name to the face as it were. One of my main cognitive difficulties is not having any kind of sense of what my mental activity is. I find it difficult to distinguish between memory, craving, feeling, thought etc. I used to have more coherence (although how much of this borrowed with sugar/caffeine I don't know.

There are things trying to get out from around the barrier but they tend to float around unconnected to anything. Or they only go so far and have no conclusion. So hopefully I can work through the exercises in this book and get some kind of release.

Me, have a special interest in personal development? 🤣