Debt and Caring

WelshmansDaughter

I woke up this morning to the knowledge that I have a work shift booked and as a result I am Sulking. It has been 9 days since I last worked- something I didn't realise until I calculated it just now. I do think I overdid it one week as the hours were for the end of one month and the start of another. And Teacup was over for a week so I ended up just spending the whole time with them and the boys. 
I did amuse myself by making my tea (cup number 2) from the water I boiled my eggs in. Perhaps I should have taken the eggs out first though. 
Oddly enough though in my mood I felt like reading diaries again so that has been a positive.
I am very deep in the grip of demand avoidance at the moment which does explain the bed frame situation. I always forget about that aspect of my nature. But Sister Act has been wondering what they can do to help so I was reminded of it. 
I am thinking about it in terms of not wanting to do anything that is over or under stimulating. It tends to mean that I stick to very familiar things/things I have done for a long time. I read all the books I have by the same author, I only travel in my local area, I go for walks etc. It does free up mental space.
I'm still working through what it all means to me but logically I do understand that I cannot live like this every day. I have yet to experience this but I imagine abject poverty would not be particularly stimulating either. 
I have a vested interest in keeping Teacup around as I don't want to inherit her problems so bumping her off is out. Ahem. 
My thoughts so far are under stimulating- I want to keep going as there is nothing to stop me. 
Over stimulating- I fall asleep after it. 
Only the basics so far which is a metaphor for my life is ever there was one. 
My plan for work this evening is to set an alarm for every 90 minutes to remind myself to drink water, to use my phone to carry on with the stuff I have been doing.   

WelshmansDaughter

My grand plans for today were foiled. I left my phone at home 🤦 
on a positive note, I did try a slightly different commute which meant I left later and didn’t buy stuff in town. I used my scooter which is a little push along thing. It got me there but maybe not a long distance option. Especially not on a hot day. Made it to the train with twenty mini to spare. Spent the time doing random stretches to loosen my back- I give no f**ks. 

I have spent the day sweating. I didn’t even wear my leggings under my uniform as it was far too hot. I cannot describe how bad I smell after two scooter commutes and a day in a hot care home. 

I always dread going to work. It’s never that bad when I get there although it does depend who else is working. It’s funny as well, I do find myself making random pattern errors but I am seriously decisive. Perhaps because there are less options? 

It does completely wipe out my thinking though. I am looking at a blank page when I try to conceive of anything other than how bad I smell and sleep.
No more shifts booked as I haven’t figured out how best to tackle next week. The first anniversary of dad’s death is Tuesday, I have a job interview early that day and LB in the afternoon. 

That’s a problem for a day with more brain power. I’m looking forward to the park with the little people tomorrow. Hopefully I’ll be awake for it

Cherryfudge

Well done for getting through the day. The heat is a real issue, I'm sure the powers that be don't always consider the wellbeing of staff in these circumstances unless forced to, and it's up to us to kick off about unventilated rooms, etc.

I'm not sure why the decisiveness happens, but I think I functioned better in the days when my care job was a simpler world - as in, complex, but I wasn't in charge of having to make decisions, and we all knew what we had to do and there was a beginning and an end to the shift. You kind of continue in the groove and know it will switch off at the end of the day. If it's something like getting your flat in order, no one gives you a plan and it's there 24/7, so there's a lot more to cope with.

Re: the smelling bad! Try hand gel, which always seems to be in care homes. It kills off the germs on your skin, so if you get a chance to travel in a tee shirt then change at work (with gel applied under arms etc.), it buys time. Of course working will still be hot but you've stolen a march on the sweat aspect.

stymied

You’re doing so well! I hope Dad’s anniversary goes ok.

Would it help you to colour in the amount you’ve earned in a month against how much you need to pay your mortgage / break even for the month? Or would that make the PDA worse?

Are there any jobs that align with what you find easy to do? Data entry?

doingitanyway

I empathise with the heat situation. I once resigned from a job when I was forced into a 90 minute rush hour commute into work, in 40 degree heat (I could have worked at home with no issue to the employer)

You continue to do well.

I hope you have the physical space and headspace to quietly reflect on your dear dad's anniversary.

Enjoy the little ones and the park

WelshmansDaughter

Small One has drawn over my to do list which is reason not to do anything.
Small drama as the cat decided to scale a fence when she is very much an indoor cat. Cue poor frazzled brother in law climbing walls only for me to find the cat sitting in the kitchen. 

Very much snooze time now

WelshmansDaughter

The benefit of being at the sisters house is that going to work is easier than wrangling small one. At least old people can’t run.
I am currently sitting on a bench outside work having arrived an hour early. I tried cycling today and left at 11.30 for a 2pm start😂
Giving myself plenty of time to get off and walk. Ended up taking the scenic route which included such joys as building site and cobblestone hill.
I think the smell problem will be remedied by not attempting difficult commutes by scooter 😂😂😂
The demand avoidance is generally something that reduces over time and funnily enough with the reduction of demand 😜 I tried some mental trickery today to get me on my bike which seemed to work. I told myself I was taking the demand off using the bike for deliveries. It also helps not to think of the end result as something I have to do.
I will be taking this week as it comes and then we shall see. Baby steps 

WelshmansDaughter

Returned from work via bike, one hour. Arrived home at the same time I would have had I got the bus which is a win. No money spent either which is very definitely progress.

Bit of a mad shift but I’m starting to realise that is the norm for this place. 

Possibly need to do some stretching before bed as my legs are like stone. It shall be interesting to see how I get up tomorrow. Bowlegged I would imagine.
I was slightly concerned that cycling 20km and an eight hour shift was not normal. But I’m deciding that it’s a good sign and that I do have energy.
£10 won on a scratch card. 10 more and I can buy my new bed lol.

WelshmansDaughter

Have woken up to a conflagration in my belly. Doused the flames from above with gaviscon and the flames below with paracetamol. 

I am not anticipating my job interview will go well. But then quite frankly it is a crapshoot whether I will make sense on a good day.
its a sad day when you can’t enjoy bacon or tea.

doingitanyway

You had a lot of exercise yesterday and worked a full day. That is a lot.
Hope you recover as the day progresses.
Good luck with your interview