Debt and Caring

Cherryfudge

That's fascinating about the protein. I only suggested it because of what I've observed in myself, I didn't know it was a known thing.

WelshmansDaughter

This diary was very strongly associated with Dad and my time caring and so it was painful for a long time to come back here. But I'm glad I did. The last few days have been somewhat lonely and it has been good to come on here and 'talk' to people. 
Being sick has meant downtime. Actual downtime where I don't feel like a jack in a box, springing all over the place. Or taking time off that reinforces the scarcity/abundance mindset.
I spent today reading. I knew my limits (ish). I've eaten regular meals (within tooth limits). 
I feel a lot calmer and it is so f!!king hard knowing that I can't feel like this all the time. 

Protein in the diet is what makes you feel full. It also acts as a cue because you have to chew it (generally). I've really noticed that when I was just eating porridge for breakfast instead of my usual bacon. I'd definitely eat more afterward and it would be low texture, high carb food.

The toothache is now a throb, still on painkillers and antibiotics until tomorrow. Can't bite down on the side, just tested in the interest of accuracy. 

When it comes to eating I suspect I will end up eating small meals more frequently. The reason for this is twofold- it should help with my need for repetition as well as keep my stomach acid under control. Hopefully it will also prevent highs and lows of energy. It remains to see what food will be eaten.

I have booked shifts for next week and the following week. 

PennysIntoPounds

I'm glad you felt you were able to come back and get positive things from here. You could always start a new diary for a new stage of life if that made you feel more comfortable

Reading and regular meals sounds great. I very much empathise with your frustration and upset that some days/weeks/months are full of difficulty and turmoil and it's so bloody unfair that we have extra challenges and disadvantages. 
Just gotta roll with the punches as best we can and make the most of the good days and nice things, but yeah it is f!!king unjust and uncool and I'm sorry you experience that

Proud of you for booking those shifts 💪

savingholmes

I too loved your turn of phrase on the brushing with heroin and flossing with sugar cane.

I relate on eating too much sugar. Are you also ADHD? You could be using sugar to give yourself a dopamine hit. That's what I was told when I got diagnosed. I find SW generally a reasonable diet but don't stick to it rigidly. They say the Mediterranean diet possibly combined with the DASH one is one of the more effective healthy eating plans.

Well done on booking the shifts. I so relate to the overwhelm issue. I did go to Mr A today but couldn't face returning to get laundry detergent so may organise a delivery soon instead... That would then also be likely to reduce my overall spending as there are too many temptations when I go in the shop etc etc etc.

WelshmansDaughter

I spent the entire day reading yesterday. For any romance novel junkies out there, I am on a Kristen Ashley binge.
I haven't gotten dressed since Monday- except for one trip to Asda yesterday where I put sweatpants on. 
This sick period has turned into rather a relaxing holiday and I am perturbed at the thought of giving it up.
I will not be starting a new diary. Partly because I hate change, partly because this is all a continuation and one must take the good with the bad. Avoiding negative emotions is partly how I got into this mess.
I don't have ADHD. My sugar and caffeine habit started at secondary school when I started becoming over stimulated. My school had a tuck shop, vending machines and a small cafe style setup. My relationship with food became one of my adaptive behaviours. 
Today I haven't been as laid back. I finished the book I was reading and haven't started a new one. I prepped a fruit/nut smoothie and actually remembered to take it out of the fridge and blend it. I have soda bread in the oven as I ran out of bread and was in the mood to bake. Can't make the usual peanut butter cookies for obvious reasons.
Inspired by Cherry I applied for a relief cleaner job. I doubt I'll get it as it is with the local authority and their recruitment is all over the place. The support worker job is quite difficult to get to and the hours are awkward and long. I still want to do it but don't feel like I can rely on it to be my main source of income. 
I am dabbling with the idea of setting up my own business, in what I have yet to decide. Ideally it would be something where I could work from home, in my pyjamas, at any time of day. 
It's likely I will take the weekend as more time off (from all my work areas lol). One of the problems I have with ASD functioning is that even if I am doing something I enjoy, I still become overstimulated. My sleep and eating then get affected. It is quite difficult to know where to draw the line. I am aware now that it is not my 'fault' but exactly how much influence can I exert? There are activities that are more balanced than others. There are also activities that will become more balanced in future once the element of novelty has worn off. It may be that I do need an entire week off every month. These are all things to be thought about, in conjunction with my work on developing a life strategy. At the moment, no one element is permanent. 

   

savingholmes

I think with ASD there is no one size fits all - so you have to work out what works for you.

WelshmansDaughter

I have been doing very little planning this week. I don't think being on strong painkillers helped in that regard. However, I do find that taking all that time off has centered me enough that I can appreciate the need to be better organized. To that end I have exported the rota from the company system into my google calendar. I can set it up with reminders now and it is a start toward making a more visual representation of daily life. I will probably make a draft calendar in google calendar as well to test out a schedule. I was using a bullet journal but I find that I don't always use it for work shifts.
Small One and Little Bulldog have returned from their holidays- Little Bulldog has done so with the desire to vomit on me and only me. 
 

doingitanyway

I love bullet journalling and I had forgotten I did. Might go back to it.
I feel so much better when I am even a little organised, although that is more difficult without a permanent home...
Little Bull Dog targeting you for vomit fest made me laugh 

savingholmes

My kids used to climb facing forward onto my lap and then vomit down me - so can totally relate - or crawl to our bedroom and throw up on our bed... They are charmers... 

WelshmansDaughter

My sister's response when I told her about the vomit was he hasn't vomited once in the last week. 
I suspect they time it, his dad was suspiciously quick to hand him over when they returned from the airport. 

Back to work tomorrow. Resigned to the necessity of it. Haven't quite recovered the brain power to do anything about my aims for the week. I know roughly what I should get done but it is all floating about in the ether.

I'm determined to order a bed. I don't know about anyone else but charity shops in my local area are more expensive than Amazon. One charges £30 for local delivery! 

Realised that I accidentally booked three shifts in a row which is not at all the thing. And the day I booked accidentally is a Sunday which means I have no way of getting home. But unable to find the button on the app to change it so have emailed to ask. This is why having it exported to my gcal is a Very Good Thing as I would not have caught it otherwise. 
Prepped two meals for tomorrow in the thinking that if I have something to eat directly before work I will not be as strained by the time it gets to break. Also planning to wear my leggings under the uniform as that is what I do with my clothes to maintain awareness/not bang into things. 
Showered and dressed today which was quite nice but tiring. That plus Nephew activity Plus Sense of Impending Doom has my thoughts running at speed. Had half a cup of tea with caffeine in at 8pm which was not a winding down decision. Ah well.