Debt and Caring

stymied

Am I right in thinking that a space of your own where you can shut the door on the world is essential to your wellbeing? If so then I agree that making yourself a studio apartment out of your flat is a good way forwards. Shut the door on the difficult project room for now and make an area that you can live in. This may take some compromises on the longer term environmental goals for now x

WelshmansDaughter

Watched: The Accountant
Listening to: Indian Flute Music

All excellent points, everybody, thank you. I will assimilate them into my thinking process.
I made the decision about looking after my nephew one day a week with the help of a point made in the book I was reading. Anything offered to you is an opportunity to say Yes, to say No or to Negotiate. I would honestly struggle to know if I wanted to do something without any experience of it. So my decision was to say yes for a small fee. We've agreed that I will give it time and let them know if I don't want to do it anymore.
Little Bulldog (as Very Small One will now be known) is at the stages now that I missed with Small One. And I do want to be involved in their lives, it is just to what degree that is in question. 
I've made the call to the mortgage company to get the ball rolling on extending my term. Phone calls seem to beget phone calls, hopefully I will know more on Tuesday. 
I've been busy this morning with making a dashboard for April so I can see what is actually going on. It really did help- made it very clear that I only have 22 days before I need to be out of here so somewhere to live has to be my immediate focus. 

PennysIntoPounds

That all sounds very wise and productive. Hope you have a lovely Saturday evening feeling pleased

WelshmansDaughter

Fish and chips, wine gums, bounty bar and red wine. I thought I was celebrating but now that I've written it down I'm thinking binge?
Celebration binge?
Mortgage appointment call went my way and my term has been extended, bringing my monthly payment down by £130. At the moment the only thing I am really thinking is that it gives me breathing space. Meaning I don't have to jump into working all the time. Although I can easily see that £100 being swallowed by other things I'm tempted by. Like a gym membership. 
Making the flat my focus has not gone particularly well. I'm not quite sure what happened yesterday. I think I pulled myself away from an activity I was immersed in and it sent me into a bit of a tailspin. I was in such a foul mood I actually shushed someone in a shop. The good news was I managed to talk myself into (cough bribed cough) going to the flat in the afternoon and I spent the time sorting out my tools. I spread them out in the empty bedroom (the blue one) a la Sort Your Life Out. It was great fun. Until it was tiring. Then it was fun again. And tiring. And so on until I had to go get lunch and a cup of tea. 
I think the finish one room at a time plan is out, Partly because I just don't think that way and partly because everything is not organised enough to be able to use. And I was slightly concerned that I was going to end up going out and buying stuff I already had. So most stuff is now in what was the second bedroom and that will need to be organised to be able to store and access what I need to use. Baby steps.

Cherryfudge

Great news on the mortgage extension! So is having the tools sorted out.

Gym membership must be tempting but perhaps it's one to save for the winter when you can't get exercise out of doors? (Sorry all gym employees but daylight is good and free exercise is too). 

Perhaps the former second bedroom could be the base from which the changes happen - but don't be side tracked into buying oodles of storage. I could imagine you doing a picture diary of progress: the tools in the spare room sequence is a great visual intro to the graphic novel of your adventures in transformation!

P.S. I would love fish and chips followed by (or preceded by) a Bounty, but I'd regret it afterwards, I'd feel too queasy. So I'll cheer you on and hope it was fun!

savingholmes

Good news on the mortgage extension. 

WelshmansDaughter

A gym membership is somewhat necessary as I do not have a working shower in the flat. Musing that it might be worth it for the swimming pool (and sauna ahem). 
I encountered a sauna in a horsebox today which made me think of it. 
Slow going in the flat but I am starting to prefer it that way. I like knowing what I'm doing, feeling what I'm feeling etc. The storage room organisation went quite well today. It is a two day project and today was Day 1. Everything is now sorted into its own box. I have started on making zones for everything so I can access it when I need it. I need to clear a space for my friend to store some of her stuff (friend who let me live in her flat) and have room left over to move around. I removed the final two radiators. Taking out the one in the hall made me SO HAPPY. It annoyed me so much having a radiator there. 

Cherryfudge

You seem to be motoring ahead with getting things in order! I understand about the gym now - a shower with added exercise really. 

stymied

How much would it cost to get a working shower compared to a year's gym membership?

WelshmansDaughter

The gym and the shower aren't really related. I'm happy enough to do basin washes if I had to. Or go to the sister's house. Or sneak into the showers at the local university (a last resort admittedly). 
The gym is more about my state of mind. These days I am near constantly amped up and reduced to the very basics of what I can do. I do have a higher than normal need for physical output and have done since I was a child. As Cherry suggests, outdoor activities are free. Money wise. But they come with a high ASD cost. For example, I stopped wild swimming while I was a family carer because I could not cope if I turned up and couldn't do the activity. So if it rains or is too windy and I can't go out then the consequences (at the moment) are too high. 

I'm taking things slow, trying to figure out what would really work for me. This is really the first time in my life I've ever had any kind of idea what my preferences are. In the past I've relied on simplistic rules like cheapness or just tried to get something quickly. 
When I bought the flat, I had to take into account my sister's needs and the time I had was very limited. I was living a copycat life. I bought the furniture I knew how to buy. I didn't know how my visual perception worked. I had no overarching view of what I wanted my life to be. 

Having a very high level of pattern recognition means that I cannot do things just because. I mean I literally can't. My hands don't work. I drop things. My arms won't move. My brain knows that it has run out of the chemicals it needs to make motivation. If I can see myself going swimming in the morning at the gym, then I can do it. That means that it's not work, it's not a demand. There is little to no tide to swim against. To put it in perspective, virtually all the activities of daily living including eating/drinking are demands for me. Obligations.

In order to progress, I need to have more activities in my life that are generative, that don't take without giving anything back, or take more than they give.