Debt and Caring

KeepOnKnitting

Care work can feel really hard, I agree. I found that concentrating on being able to make a difference for the people I was caring for, as well as working as a team with my colleagues to have the best day possible was what made it more rewarding for me. I hope you can find something in it that works for you, or it not then hopefully some alternative work that does feel right for you.

doingitanyway

You have a new job since I was last here.
Sounds good but look after yourself too.

Cherryfudge

Just checking up on you. I know you said you sometimes forget you have this diary, so perhaps that's what's happening now... how are you, how are the small ones, and how's the job?

WelshmansDaughter

I do not post as regularly as I used to when I was sat with Dad, phone in hand, keeping myself entertained. It had become somewhat emotionally connected to that time and writing it does take me back, not necessarily in a good way. 
Welcome back DIA.
I am also wary of putting too much pressure on myself thinking about money. That too has gone into the emotional pressure cooker. I am making small progress mentally but the financial situation has stagnated. I worked two days this week. I did go for later shifts which helped. There is an unfortunate bus schedule so I have bought a bike and will hopefully be cycling. I am thinking about the small wins, the visits from therapy animals (pygmy goats!), making a resident smile etc. 
Today and yesterday were bad days. Working the two days took it out of me. I wasn't really able to enjoy or do much yesterday. And today I found out that I have been rejected for disability payment again. Part of me sees the humour in it, I scored 6 out of 8 points for daily living. According to my calculations this means I am 75% defective lol. But I did proper self care and went up to see the boys. Very Small One is no longer Very Small. He smiles at me now and I made it out without him puking or crying on me so that is a win. Small One is quite possibly my favourite human (alive).  
I have sold my fancy headphones for £127 so that has been added to the pot for something. My bike will be collected tomorrow and that means I can start doing deliveries again. My theory is that I will try and take it easy and just work small amounts. Baby steps. I will try to start posting regularly again but I don't have the same phone any more and just haven't got a routine for it. 

Cherryfudge

Good to hear from you. How cute that VSO is smiling at you! There's someone who knows you aren't 75% defective.

That whole work/life balance thing is difficult. I have a friend who has for many years done well, looking after her own health with care and insight, so she appeared able to work, but she can't, because that extra exertion would be too much for her. It's hard to prove things like that but I take her word for it as she has a massive scar down her chest from heart surgery. If ever they find a way to measure how much energy people have, they ought to reassess where disability payments start. I'm managing nicely on eight to ten hours a week - physically, that is. Not exactly getting paid much but one of my jobs is physically demanding which has benefitted me but would be hard to do for longer hours. I sleep better than when I did 25 hours a week, which is odd but I think it has to come from being more relaxed and physically exercised. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is I get it that two days can really take it out of you.

savingholmes

I'd appeal - you have little to lose. Definitely don't apply a defective label though. The world needs to adjust more to the needs of people with varying abilities - rather than using a medical model to define ability.

WelshmansDaughter

Maybe I'm defective or maybe I'm dumb...

The word choice came from a song, my thought processes are often akin to a musical episode. 
I think for my own well being that I am best off out of it all, red tape is not my friend. I would rather be eating out of the bins at the back of the Co-op then go through that again. 
I'm more motivated to post today as I have actually been doing things. First off was the major disappointment of collecting my new bike only to discover that it was not in fact new but had just been taken off display. I had suspected they may do this and complained so they refunded me 10%. While on the phone to his manager the technician openly referred to my bike as Apollo S**t. 
Avoid Halfords people. 
The therapist that lives in my head was quite proud of me today. I recognised an emotion, took breaks and restrained my spending. 
I'm cured! rofl
In other news, the hole in the floor of my living room is now... An even bigger hole! My friend has sold her flat so I will be moving back in once she has an exchange date. I was there today doing the usual moving stuff from one place to another. This did free up the space to then rip out some more floorboards. Didn't quite manage the lot but I am trying to pace myself. Mice had used my delivery bag as a toilet so had to order a new one. Once that arrives I will hopefully be out on the bike as I have officially run out of money. 

savingholmes

Good luck with your delivery venture.

Well done on getting the 10% off.

WelshmansDaughter

I forgot to mention excitement. I removed a much hated radiator today. With the minimum of dithering. It deserves a mention 

Cherryfudge

I think you deserve a pay rise for having to host a therapist in your head.  

I can't remember why there's a hole in your floor but it sounds intentional, and also something that will take quite some hard work. Removing radiators is definitely outside my skill set: I'm impressed!