Daughter and partner freeloading

sevenhills

Spendless said

Then she's not currently on a medicine degree, which I believe is 5 years, if she's 21 and in  her final 3rd year from your previous replies. . You all seem to struggle with communication. You need to ask her what she's doing next, further years of stud or getting a job. 

Maybe it's a Masters degree, which I believe is much shorter and more flexible.
I honestly don't know.

Emmia

sevenhills said:

Spendless said

Then she's not currently on a medicine degree, which I believe is 5 years, if she's 21 and in  her final 3rd year from your previous replies. . You all seem to struggle with communication. You need to ask her what she's doing next, further years of stud or getting a job. 

Maybe it's a Masters degree, which I believe is much shorter and more flexible.
I honestly don't know.

I'm actually slightly astonished that you don't know what degree / course your own daughter is taking - is she really at uni at all?

sevenhills

Emmia said:

I'm actually slightly astonished that you don't know what degree / course your own daughter is taking - is she really at uni at all?

We haven't discussed it much, we don't discuss anything much.
I believe she as attended uni on a few occasions, but it's mostly at home.
I know nothing about the funding, she would have put her mother because she is on benefits. Not sure if they are allowed to name either parent.
I taught her to be honest, not sure if others did the same.

400ixl

Most Uni's have been back to face to face lectures for a while now, so she should be spending at least 15 hours a week in lectures for a full time course.

Lavendyr

OK, I'm going in. 

Why have you not sat your daughter (and partner) down and talked face to face about this? You say you've taught her to be honest but you clearly aren't being honest with her about this situation.

Switching off the broadband - which you admit is hindering you - seems like cutting your nose off to spite your face. 

For goodness sake, just talk to them! It sounds like you have no idea about what's going on with them and likewise, they have no idea how much stress they are causing you. 

TALK. TO. EACH. OTHER., 

/end

Pollycat

Lavendyr said:

OK, I'm going in. 

Why have you not sat your daughter (and partner) down and talked face to face about this? You say you've taught her to be honest but you clearly aren't being honest with her about this situation.

Switching off the broadband - which you admit is hindering you - seems like cutting your nose off to spite your face. 

For goodness sake, just talk to them! It sounds like you have no idea about what's going on with them and likewise, they have no idea how much stress they are causing you. 

TALK. TO. EACH. OTHER., 

/end

+1 to this.

Several people (I've asked twice) what the OP said when his daughter just stopped paying any board at all.
No reply.

Communication between the OP and his daughter seems non-existent.

The OP doesn't seem to want to take any suggestions on board.
I really think this is the case:

Pollycat said:

Are you just wanting to vent or looking for advice?

GrumpyDil

I'd guess OP to some extent wants to maintain a relationship with daughter and is nervous of losing what little there is.

However, dragging it out without dealing with the issues is 100% going to make it worse.

One of those occasions where better to front up and deal with it, rather than let it fester. 

TripleH

We have a friend studying medicine through the OU. She works full time as well. She was our former neighbour but we didn't meet her properly for 3 months (we got to know her husband). She does all her lectures online so it could be possible that there is the option for remote learning for theoretical work as there will still be some uneasy over covid.

Although I agree with Lavendyr and Pollycat's sentiments.

Spendless

Pollycat said:

Lavendyr said:

OK, I'm going in. 

Why have you not sat your daughter (and partner) down and talked face to face about this? You say you've taught her to be honest but you clearly aren't being honest with her about this situation.

Switching off the broadband - which you admit is hindering you - seems like cutting your nose off to spite your face. 

For goodness sake, just talk to them! It sounds like you have no idea about what's going on with them and likewise, they have no idea how much stress they are causing you. 

TALK. TO. EACH. OTHER., 

/end

+1 to this.

Several people (I've asked twice) what the OP said when his daughter just stopped paying any board at all.
No reply.

Communication between the OP and his daughter seems non-existent.

The OP doesn't seem to want to take any suggestions on board.
I really think this is the case:

Pollycat said:

Are you just wanting to vent or looking for advice?

Agreed. There seems to be little to no communication going on. Lack of knowing what Uni course daughter is on and when it finishes. No conversation about why board stopped being paid. 

london21

Lack of communication is the root of a lot of people's problems it seems!

Also avoidance. Deal with the issue and move on with your life.