Daughter and partner freeloading

sevenhills

My daughter and her partner have been living with me for over three years. When they moved in they were working, past two years both not working, daughter students at local uni.
They did pay total of £120 month board, but last few months nothing. I had a lodger before they moved in, so that was £300, I am much poorer.
I work a normal job, saving for retirement. I am not on the breadline, but earn £17k
They both rarely go out, always in the bedroom, we are not on good terms due to this. They are way too comfortable.

[Deleted User]

Dont want to appear harsh but you need to sit them down and tell them you have had enough of their freeloading. Give them a timescale to get a job or get out! Do they get benefits? if they do tell them they have to pay for their keep. You have to be firm with them, the longer you let them freeload the harder it will be to sort this out. 
I know from my own experience how kids can treat your home like a free hotel ! 

kazwookie

Time to get tough.

Talk to them

Lay down the rules and £

If all fails ask then to leave.

Make things uncomfortable for them

Spendless

What sort of jobs did they used to do? Did the pandemic cause them to lose these jobs? Is your daughter now in her last year of Uni and doing her finals and wanted to concentrate on her studies? What does her boyfriend do, is he claiming benefits, you don't mention him also being a student.

I'm guessing your daughter receives the maximum student maintenance loan (less because she lives at home) due to your income. In that case there would be no parental top up to be expected and she would have to use her loan to meet all rent and living costs if she was living elsewhere from it.

You need to tell them you can't afford to subsidise them and they need to start contributing if they wish to continue living with you. 

Pollycat

Are you just wanting to vent or looking for advice?

I'd ask you the same questions as Spendless has asked.

And I'd ask if you have ever spoken to them about the impact on your finances that them living with you is having.
What did you say when they stopped paying board a few months ago?
Do you mean you are paying all the bills?
Do you also pay for all the food?

I would say you have allowed them to be "way too comfortable".

Time to put on your big girl/boy pants.

CookieMonster

Will your daughter be choosing your care home...?

Perhaps an underlying problem is in your communication (or lack thereof) with your daughter?
Has the lack of rent not already been discussed/justified (as a temporary issue?) with your daughter.

You should be able to work out how much they are costing you in food/utilities etc., and make that they pay you that as a minimum.

There are jobs out there (depending on where you are) for those who are willing to work.

Malthusian

CookieMonster said:

Will your daughter be choosing your care home...?

Only if the OP wants them to.

sevenhills

Spendless said:

What sort of jobs did they used to do? Did the pandemic cause them to lose these jobs? Is your daughter now in her last year of Uni and doing her finals and wanted to concentrate on her studies? What does her boyfriend do, is he claiming benefits.

He claims some benefits because of mental health issues.
They used to do call center type of work. Yes, last year, but maybe doing more, as studying to be a doctor. But no way is this carrying on for years.

CKhalvashi

sevenhills said:

Spendless said:

What sort of jobs did they used to do? Did the pandemic cause them to lose these jobs? Is your daughter now in her last year of Uni and doing her finals and wanted to concentrate on her studies? What does her boyfriend do, is he claiming benefits.

He claims some benefits because of mental health issues.
They used to do call center type of work. Yes, last year, but maybe doing more, as studying to be a doctor. But no way is this carrying on for years.

Medical studies do carry on for years though.

I can understand some part tine work for your daughter, but definitely not when doing rounds properly.

I'm not going to comment on the mental health issue part as I don't know your daughter's boyfriend and mental health issues affect everyone completely differently.

TBagpuss

I think you do need to sit down and have a conversation with them. It's reasonable for you to explain that you previously had a lodger and were receiving £300 from them, and that this means that you are significantly worse off as a result of them living with you, and that while you were willing to support your daughter by accepting a lower amount you can't afford to subsidise them completely.

Explain that you do need them to start paying and agree a figure - maybe £200 month which would mean that you were still worse worse off than if you had a tenant but are effectively supporting your daughter (alternatively you could change £150 a month and explain that you are happy to house your daughter for free but need her partner to pay, and are being generous by charging him only half of what the the room is worth.

You could look up the LHA rate for your area (as I understand it, this is the amount that the housing element of UC would cover, you can look up the Shared Accommodation rate which would, I think, be the housing element that the boyfriend would be entitled to if he is claiming benefits https://lha-direct.voa.gov.uk/Search.aspx 

I thin you can also talk to your daughter - as a medical student I think it' reasonable that she isn't working on top of that. Lots of subjects do allow time for students to work part time but medicine is much more time consuming that many other degree courses, particularly after the first year or two.

It may be that your daughter hasn't ever really considered your financial position, and being open about your income and the actual outgoings on the house might help her to understand the you are not being mean or unreasonable (again, as a medic she may well have a lot of peers who are in a much stronger position and have families who can support them, so she may well have friends that tell her it's unfair / unreasonable for her parent(s) to expect her to contribute, so having a conversation which makes clear that you can't afford to support her and her partner, rather than that you just don't want to, may be helpful. 

sevenhills

TBagpuss said:

I think you do need to sit down and have a conversation with them. It's reasonable for you to explain that you previously had a lodger and were receiving £300 from them, and that this means that you are significantly worse off as a result of them living with you, and that while you were willing to support your daughter by accepting a lower amount you can't afford to subsidise them completely.
 

Since we are in this situation we obviously have a poor relationship. This is not really about money.
But two people living in my house that contribute nothing.
But if there was no money issue, I would employ a cleaner.