Daughter and partner freeloading

-taff

Switching off the broadband is a very passive agressive way of getting them to change. it won't work. Sit them down, be direct, tell them what you want, see what they say. If you are inflexible about what you want and so are they, then ask them to leave. It sounds perfectly simple, but the execution of it may give you some anxiety. Rehearse what you want to say and then approach them. If you can rehearse it, write it down and ask them to read it.

And instead of sitching off the broadband,what you can do so it doesn't have an impact on you is to change the wifi password.

Emmia

-taff said:

Switching off the broadband is a very passive agressive way of getting them to change. it won't work. Sit them down, be direct, tell them what you want, see what they say. If you are inflexible about what you want and so are they, then ask them to leave. It sounds perfectly simple, but the execution of it may give you some anxiety. Rehearse what you want to say and then approach them. If you can rehearse it, write it down and ask them to read it.

And instead of sitching off the broadband,what you can do so it doesn't have an impact on you is to change the wifi password.

I agree with all of this.

However uncomfortable it makes you, unless you talk to them, you almost certainly won't resolve the issue, as they're probably not mindreaders

If they don't like it then they presumably know where the front door is, and where lettings agents/rooms to rent in shared houses might be found.

You could try opening the conversation with widely reported cost of living increases as the "excuse".

Sea_Shell

IMO, it boils down to this...

If all else fails, are you prepared to literally gather all their belongings and dump them on your doorstep and change the locks?


If not, then what ARE you going to do if they won't or can't pay towards their keep?

Do they know that you couldn't bring yourself to do that...so where's the incentive?

Would you be happy to continue the arrangement if they did pay their way?

RAS

If your daughter is studying to be a medic and is in her final year, then she really won't have time to work as well. 

But she will graduate in a few months.

As for BF not working, and having call centre experience, a lot of this work is still being done by virtual offices, so no reason he cannot work "from home".

Assuming your daughter graduates this summer, her first employment will begin in late July for a August rotation. From that point onwards, it is reasonable to expect her to house herself. Depending on her rotations she might well be eligible for hospital specific accommodation, although a lot of it is single person. 

TripleH

What is the alternative?

Can they go to the boyfriend's family?

If you are struggling yourself, maybe sit down and go through the position with them so they understand that by them not contributing there is an impact to your life.

Having it written down makes it a lot easier to understand and harder to ignore?

sevenhills

RAS said:

If your daughter is studying to be a medic and is in her final year, then she really won't have time to work as well. 

But she will graduate in a few months.

It's up to her to decide what to do, staying with the boyfriend is holding her back. I don't know much about uni degrees, but she is hardly 21, so to be an actual doctor could take more years at uni.
They have both gone out for the past two days, which is very unusual. So no broadband could be having an effect. I don't want to throw them out, I am happy if this process takes a number of weeks. No broadband means I have no online banking etc

Sea_Shell

sevenhills said:

RAS said:

If your daughter is studying to be a medic and is in her final year, then she really won't have time to work as well. 

But she will graduate in a few months.

It's up to her to decide what to do, staying with the boyfriend is holding her back. I don't know much about uni degrees, but she is hardly 21, so to be an actual doctor could take more years at uni.
They have both gone out for the past two days, which is very unusual. So no broadband could be having an effect. I don't want to throw them out, I am happy if this process takes a number of weeks. No broadband means I have no online banking etc

What if it's not weeks, what if it's years?

Can her boyfriend not move back in with his own parents, until they are in a position to rent/buy somewhere together?

Emmia

sevenhills said:

RAS said:

If your daughter is studying to be a medic and is in her final year, then she really won't have time to work as well. 

But she will graduate in a few months.

It's up to her to decide what to do, staying with the boyfriend is holding her back. I don't know much about uni degrees, but she is hardly 21, so to be an actual doctor could take more years at uni.
They have both gone out for the past two days, which is very unusual. So no broadband could be having an effect. I don't want to throw them out, I am happy if this process takes a number of weeks. No broadband means I have no online banking etc

While they're out, why don't you reactivate the broadband and change the password on it? You will then have online banking etc., back, but they won't have access

sevenhills

Sea_Shell said:

Can her boyfriend not move back in with his own parents, until they are in a position to rent/buy somewhere together?

They had a fall out some months ago, the boyfriends brother stopped here for a few days.
The parents don't work and it has been said that they are faking for benefits, they are both 60ish+

Spendless

sevenhills said:

RAS said:

If your daughter is studying to be a medic and is in her final year, then she really won't have time to work as well. 

But she will graduate in a few months.

It's up to her to decide what to do, staying with the boyfriend is holding her back. I don't know much about uni degrees, but she is hardly 21, so to be an actual doctor could take more years at uni.
They have both gone out for the past two days, which is very unusual. So no broadband could be having an effect. I don't want to throw them out, I am happy if this process takes a number of weeks. No broadband means I have no online banking etc

Then she's not currently on a medicine degree, which I believe is 5 years, if she's 21 and in  her final 3rd year from your previous replies. . You all seem to struggle with communication. You need to ask her what she's doing next, further years of stud or getting a job.