Daughter and partner freeloading

Spendless

What did you say to them when you didn't receive your board from them for the first time?

If it's not about money in what way are they 'contributing nothing'. Aren't they doing any household chores or tidying up after themselves?

A medical degree is 'full on' and often the students aren't able to work around the hours. If you daughter is in her final year of qualifying then presumably she will be getting a f-time job next?    

london21

The longer you allow this to continue the harder it will be to break the cycle. 

Do you want them to pay the £300 you were getting from the lodger or you want them out?

What were your agreement when they first moved in?

You need to communicate with them in a strict loving way.

You will resent them if they keep contributing o because bills have gone up and only yourself working and paying everything.

Give them a deadline to work towards. 

sevenhills

london21 said:

The longer you allow this to continue the harder it will be to break the cycle. 

Do you want them to pay the £300 you were getting from the lodger or you want them out?

I was happy with £120 which I saw as low and helping her in her uni years.
Being a female, I felt she had more in common with her mother, I always encouraged that relationship, but I don't think her mother was ever on my side.
Now that her boyfriend is here, she has no time for anyone, especially me.
They are a long way from being house proud, so since my cleaner moved on to new pastures, this has become more noticeable.

So if I do put my foot down, I will be the bad guy, even though her mother does very little for her.

london21

sevenhills said:

london21 said:

The longer you allow this to continue the harder it will be to break the cycle. 

Do you want them to pay the £300 you were getting from the lodger or you want them out?

I was happy with £120 which I saw as low and helping her in her uni years.
Being a female, I felt she had more in common with her mother, I always encouraged that relationship, but I don't think her mother was ever on my side.
Now that her boyfriend is here, she has no time for anyone, especially me.
They are a long way from being house proud, so since my cleaner moved on to new pastures, this has become more noticeable.

So if I do put my foot down, I will be the bad guy, even though her mother does very little for her.

Is her mother/your wife also in the house?

They can't live there forever especially if you aren't happy with the way things are at the moment.

They currently already have you as the bad guy so not winning either ways. You either continue or have an honest chat with them and agree a fair way forward. 

Pollycat

What reason did they give for stopping paying anything to you?

Retireinten

I'd be honest with them both. Tell them you can't and shouldn't be fully financially subsiding two adults although you're happy to support your daughter in her final year of study. Ask that they start paying the £120 again and give a time limit on this so you can review it once she's finished uni. 

The alternatives are you accept the situation or encourage them to look elsewhere for somewhere to live. Maybe boyfriends can do their part or her mum, assuming you are separated. It sounds like they have more than one patent so why is it falling to you to house and support them? 

Are they at least buying their own food and cleaning up after their own mess? 

sevenhills

london21 said:

Is her mother/your wife also in the house?

She lives in a council semi on her own, as mental health issues and does not work, nor want guests.

sevenhills

Retireinten said:

Are they at least buying their own food and cleaning up after their own mess? 

They do buy their own food, my daughter bought herself a brand new small car,  not sure if they gamble, we do get letters for an old debt.
They do clean up, but not as good recently

HampshireH

One option.

Support your daughter boot out the non working boyfriend

Then if your daughter chooses to follow get a lodger again.

If your relationship is poor it won't get better by harbouring issues. It may get worse whatever you choose to do

sheramber

So if I do put my foot down, I will be the bad guy, even though her mother does very little for her.

They are not going to change so either you become the bad guy or you grin and bare it.