Mortgage free in Forever Home :-)

Watty1

I love that your ex colleague had planned so well.  I'm in awe of that, given that in my 20s that was my plan, I had started to invest and had virtually paid off the mortgage.  Then I met the ex and lost sight of the goals ....ah well.  Good for him and you are lovely to help him out so.

SandyShores

I'm feeling for you being rattled, like debtfreeoneday I've had a toxic workplace experience(s) too.  I like that your colleague could distance himself and not be emotionally involved.  I felt very personally hurt in my experiences, but then that's me and I always say I'd rather be sensitive than insensitive - although I'm working on that.  Still it would be nice not to feel rattled when there's a blast from the past - maybe some coaching or counselling may help me protect my calm - I need to look into that.

debtfreewannabe321

I have FINALLY (took me long enough ) got all the way through your diary!!
I am so sorry about your work experiences. I quit my toxic job in Easter (low paying and not terribly important like your one sounded- but I was surprised you were treated in a similar way)....I didn't tell the boss I was going and handed the notice in first day of the holidays and worked my leave on holiday time. She would have been an utter tool had I given warning. I managed to land her in trouble too because she wasn't following correct health & safety procedures nor any COSHH regulations and most of our staff were teenagers put in direct risk of ineptitude.

I saw my job advertised shortly afterwards and 5 extra jobs had been put on to it (that I used to have to do as well as two other jobs and supervising 15 people) and no extra pay...the last I heard she had hired 3 or 4 people for the role and all had left within a month (you may remember on my diary of me complaining loudly of doing 20k+ steps in a 3/4 hour shift). I didn't realise quite how resilient I was (and the other supervisor as we both left the same day!) and I bet she is regretting being so hard on both of us now as she has had to pick up the slack. I wish your ex boss the same pain.  

I also hope you get what you want from the vision board! I was not specific when I made mine as I was not career minded having brought up my kids for most of my adult life but I have actually manifested lots from the VB I made! I have a nice boss, a cheerful work team, they are supportive and the training has been there from the off...and the pay is better! Reading your diary has made me realise I have manifested what I asked for...and if I need / want a different type of job then I need to be more specific however I think you know what you want, and I just know you'll get it, you sound like you knew what you were doing better than your dim-witted twit of a boss did. 

redofromstart

The thing I found after my grim job exit was that it took a good year at least to stop reacting emotionally to any mention of them or contact from former colleagues.  I had a ping about a job there today as it happens and I laughed a lot and thought I'd rather live in a cardboard box and eat mud.  Word does get out, and people do spot a pattern of adverts for the same roles and company.

debtfreewannabe321

redofromstart said:

The thing I found after my grim job exit was that it took a good year at least to stop reacting emotionally to any mention of them or contact from former colleagues.  I had a ping about a job there today as it happens and I laughed a lot and thought I'd rather live in a cardboard box and eat mud.  Word does get out, and people do spot a pattern of adverts for the same roles and company.

Totally agree on all counts. I got angry at the mere mention of my ex boss for months after I left. My friend (fellow supervisor who also quit) and I meet up regularly and we've finally gotten over talking about the horrendous time we had there. We now laugh at the latest developments on what we've heard via the grapevine of who she's hired and how long they've lasted this time 🤣

Brie

What I'm taking away is the pink towel.  Nothing else matters.  (Really?  Does it?)  (I know you'll help your ex-c because you are you which is lovely)

KajiKita

@beanielou, @ladybird1106, I was worried for him, after my experience. 🤷‍♀️ Totally unnecessary it would appear! 😉😂

@Watty1, such a thought hadn’t even drifted past me, let alone gone through my head, in my 20s! Explains why you are so much better than I at generating income etc 😉

@SandyShores, I don’t think being so detached actually helped him perform as a people manager. They could feel it and they got the sense he didn’t care …. I told him yesterday that he shouldn’t consider another management role as he wasn’t that interested in people and didn’t have the patience for it. He thanked me for the feedback! 😉😊
I think the way to not feel rattled by the past is to look at it, and your role in it, with an absolutely objective perspective. Explore what happened, what you could have influenced and what you had absolutely no chance of changing. Do not judge yourself in this process, just use the process to determine what you would do differently next time, visualise those actions and lay them down as new tracks in your brain to lean on next time it happens. It does help to discuss with others - either those who were observers of you in the situation or someone outside of it. Often we judge ourselves too harshly, which then makes us flinch from the necessary lessons. Being kind to ourselves and taking a ‘helicopter’ view, very objectively dials down the emotion and allows us to see what happened in our part in it with a lot less sting. 

@debtfreewannabe321 - sorry that my diary is so long with so little progress! 😉😂
I think you underestimate yourself. When the time comes to create your next job vision board, be a bit more ambitious, yes …? 😉 Glad you have manifested so many positive aspects in your current role. I was applauding when you finally quit the previous role! 

@redofromstart, the comment about jobs for the previous employer popping up and your reaction being “I laughed a lot and thought I'd rather live in a cardboard box and eat mud” made me smile. 

I know it’s only been six weeks but I am indifferent to my old boss. I think that I had so little faith in him or respect for him that by the time I left he was almost unreal to me…. I think of him now and he’s just like a cipher. 

@Brie, I think the pink tea towel will finally push me into buying some new tea towels as that particular one has become soft, delicate and not capable of drying a full wash-up. It will then be downgraded to Mr KK’s rag pile 😊

I did the two hours of cleaning yesterday. Absolutely knackering - I’d forgotten how physical sustained cleaning is (I’d hit 10K steps by 4pm) - I used to clean as a job when I was a student in the University holidays. And actually, when you turned all the lights on, there was a lot of dust and debris to clear. She had a Fl@sh speedy mop - they are super stinky but so effective! I think I will get one for our kitchen floor. 

Chased the recruiter for the information about the interview next Tuesday - the email was stuck in his drafts folder … 🙄 I finally have it! Therefore, this morning, after yoga and breakfast, I will mainly be working on the presentation ready for next week 😊 Tai Chi this afternoon 😊

KK

skint_spice

Blooming useless recruiter! Glad you finally got the email.

SandyShores

Thanks Kajikita that's great advice - I'm going to work through that.  It was a toxic environment before I got there and was a toxic environment after I left without a doubt. The owners were both toxic and useless but interfering so it was a no hoper.  I don't want to let it define me, so its definitely time for an objective view.

KajiKita

skint_spice said:

Blooming useless recruiter! Glad you finally got the email.

Yup! He kept apologising and apologising. In the end, after he told me that this has happened to him before, I lost patience and said (nicely!) that I don’t accept apologies until I see a change in behaviour. I said he needs a strategy to deal with draft emails that don’t get sent due to distractions caused by interruptions - I recommended checking his drafts folder once per day, either first or last thing, so he can mop up any outstanding emails. This seemed absolutely *obvious* to me but he was full of, “Oh what a good idea!” and thanked me. A lot … I’m now coaching recruiters in how to function …? Sigh … 

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

KK