Mortgage free in Forever Home :-)

KajiKita

SandyShores said:

Thanks Kajikita that's great advice - I'm going to work through that.  It was a toxic environment before I got there and was a toxic environment after I left without a doubt. The owners were both toxic and useless but interfering so it was a no hoper.  I don't want to let it define me, so its definitely time for an objective view.

Okay, so for me, what I would be wanting to understand from this review are things like:

- How can I spot a toxic environment upfront and never accept the job? What were the warning sign s that I can see now, with hindsight, but missed / ignored with the aim of being polite, needing the job, accepting as ‘that’s the way it is’, etc.? 

- If I end up in such an environment again (it may not be a job, it might be a new relationship or a short term interaction with the friend of a friend) how do I protect and defend myself so that relevant, useful feedback filters through to me that I can and will act on, but I can block all the BS / manipulation / politics / cliquey behaviour - or however the toxicity manifested? 

- Is there something in my personal history that meant I was particularly susceptible to the particular version of toxicity in that environment?  If you find something here - this might be worth exploring in more formal counselling. 

HTH a bit x

KK 

KajiKita

I am feeling crock today … Constantly cold, rock-heavy headache and a bit dopey ….
Felt a bit better after eating some lunch and can still taste stuff so not C19. 

Sat here on the sofa zoning out to ‘The Bureau’ when my mobile rings … it’s a recruiter who has a possible short term contract I might be interested in. I am definitely not - it sounds like an unmitigated disaster area that cannot be fixed in just a few months! Politely told the recruiter this and he goes on to tell me that he’s tried to tell the client the same - get the impression he has had the conversation a few times with potential candidates … I expected that would be it … but no … there may be another vacancy at a company, a short commute from me, that makes something that ‘does good in the world’ …. Squee! 😊 He’s going to ask and come back to me ….

So, atm, the jobs process looks like:

- Metals company is ignoring recruiter’s emails and calls and has given use no FB on my CV after three weeks. They also keep having fires on their site - for me this is a no and I have told recruiter that I am no longer interested. 

- Same recruiter is managing the vacancy at the living aids manufacturer that I have an interview for next week. Short commute but am a little worried about the long term size of the role when the current compliance manager retires. It would however give me exposure to the compliance aspects of medical devices. I have started the presentation for the interview this morning but am struggling to concentrate ….

- 2nd recruiter - role at aerospace company. It will be two weeks tomorrow that I had the Teams interview with no FB as yet! Tomorrow I will chase this. Not such an easy commute but I really like the guy who would be my boss and feel,I could learn a lot from him. 

- 3rd recruiter. Latest possibility - cold medicine based on essential oils manufacturer. Short commute and does good in the world, very low turnover of staff so recruiters rarely get to place people there. 

Fascinating to see this play out … 😊

KK

f0xh0les

Well that all sounds very positive, and you don't have to take time off to be ill. 🤧 🤒. If it does turn into something. Which we all hope it doesn't. 

beanielou

All very positive indeed. 

LadyWithAPlan

redofromstart said:

The thing I found after my grim job exit was that it took a good year at least to stop reacting emotionally to any mention of them or contact from former colleagues.  I had a ping about a job there today as it happens and I laughed a lot and thought I'd rather live in a cardboard box and eat mud.  Word does get out, and people do spot a pattern of adverts for the same roles and company.

Very poetic!

KajiKita said:

skint_spice said:

Blooming useless recruiter! Glad you finally got the email.

Yup! He kept apologising and apologising. In the end, after he told me that this has happened to him before, I lost patience and said (nicely!) that I don’t accept apologies until I see a change in behaviour. I said he needs a strategy to deal with draft emails that don’t get sent due to distractions caused by interruptions - I recommended checking his drafts folder once per day, either first or last thing, so he can mop up any outstanding emails. This seemed absolutely *obvious* to me but he was full of, “Oh what a good idea!” and thanked me. A lot … I’m now coaching recruiters in how to function …? Sigh … 

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

KK

Maybe you should set up an agency? Or a programme on best work practices..

Glad you got some cool roles. I may yet have to start building relationships with recruiters.. (sigh)

KajiKita

I may yet have to start building relationships with recruiters.. (sigh)

@LadyWithAPlan, this is probably what takes the greatest amount of energy. It’s very surreal as you develop very swift rapport with total strangers that you will never meet and will be severed immediately that the contract is signed …. You are literally SELLING yourself - positive projection, careful pitching, explaining awkward things in your CV so they can explain them to employers, etc etc, from the very first contact ….

But, it can pay off. The recruiter who has two of the vacancies is someone I spoke to c. 6 years ago, when I had a different name, and remembered me from my CV and positively from how we interacted then … 😊

KK

Brie

KajiKita said:

I may yet have to start building relationships with recruiters.. (sigh)

@LadyWithAPlan, this is probably what takes the greatest amount of energy. It’s very surreal as you develop very swift rapport with total strangers that you will never meet and will be severed immediately that the contract is signed …. You are literally SELLING yourself - positive projection, careful pitching, explaining awkward things in your CV so they can explain them to employers, etc etc, from the very first contact ….

But, it can pay off. The recruiter who has two of the vacancies is someone I spoke to c. 6 years ago, when I had a different name, and remembered me from my CV and positively from how we interacted then … 😊

KK

Why am I not surprised!!

KajiKita

Brie said:

KajiKita said:

I may yet have to start building relationships with recruiters.. (sigh)

@LadyWithAPlan, this is probably what takes the greatest amount of energy. It’s very surreal as you develop very swift rapport with total strangers that you will never meet and will be severed immediately that the contract is signed …. You are literally SELLING yourself - positive projection, careful pitching, explaining awkward things in your CV so they can explain them to employers, etc etc, from the very first contact ….

But, it can pay off. The recruiter who has two of the vacancies is someone I spoke to c. 6 years ago, when I had a different name, and remembered me from my CV and positively from how we interacted then … 😊

KK

Why am I not surprised!!

Awwwww ….thanks Brie 😊

Productive morning here:

- Worked on interview presentation for next week and sent it over to ex colleague for a discussion possibly late this afternoon. 

- One load of washing processed and split between tumble and heated airer to dry. 

- Finished toscos shop for tomorrow. An expensive one but it does include a Christmas chicken (free range, corn fed and I will give it reiki before it goes in the oven - I know, I know … but it makes me feel better 🤷‍♀️😉) and baileys (on offer) - both for Mr KK and the fl@sh mop system for the kitchen (not for me, for the kitchen!). 

- Posted Christmas parcel to my parents including all their presents, a card and the annual calendar for them from MiL.

- Got rid of two motorcycle tyres that have been hanging around in the drive for MONTHS for £5 (no VAT! 😉) and had my tyres checked - they are all okay.

- Dropped off a file full of birth, death and marriage certificates at MiL’s for handover to some genealogists who are coming early next week, before Mr KK will be going over there again. Stopped for a brew at MiL’s and spoke firmly about her right to decide where she has Christmas this year and if she wants it in her home, on her terms then SiL should respect that! (This has been dragging on for weeks now and both Mr KK and I are getting quite cross about it ….!) MiL got upset but best friend neighbour who lives across the road said that her daughter has offered to cook for both of them, plate it up and bring it over. I think there might finally be a solution that will allow SiL to back down … 🙄

- Chased the recruiter, yet again, about the interview I had two weeks ago … Apparently we should get feedback some time this afternoon. I checked whether he got my VM on Monday - he hadn’t, so I told him about my second stage interview next Tuesday, so if his potential employer is interested in me, they need to get moving ….

Feeling a lot brighter and more energetic today 😊

KK

LadyWithAPlan

I always thank the life of my FR chickens before I roast them but not thought to give them reiki.. hopefully  they will not be coming back to life (!) ... may I ask your reasoning?

You have posted the Xmas gifts! I have bought maybe 2 max.

Sounds like you prepping well for the interview - i will no doubt be doing that soon... fingers crossed for next week for you
Next week I will start making nice to recruiters ,...

dawnybabes

My best friend and daughter come here for dinner, her mum and dad have lobster for lunch as a treat and I plate them up a Xmas dinner they have for tea.  Everyone is happy! Christmas can be such a nightmare trying to please everyone.  Me, I’m happiest feeding 5000 !