My 2 year battle to try to keep our home

enthusiasticsaver

Solicitors bill by the hour so the more work they do for you the more expensive they are.  As others have said every email and letter will cost you. Ultimately you are in charge so you can tell her that although 2 years may seem reasonable to  her and your ex you would rather look at 3 or 4.  The difficulty is the closer your children get to adulthood the less sympathetic judges tend to get about letting one parent keep the house without coming to an agreement with the other.  Stress on your ex that if you deal with this amicably not only is it better for the children but cheaper in legal costs. Use his pension as a bargaining tool.  £50k is not a  nominal sum. 

I would prioritise paying off the overdrafts, credit cards and building up savings.  Do not overpay the mortgage although the rate is not great so looking for a mortgage broker  to give you an idea of affordability and when you can remove his name is a good idea as well as getting a better rate.  Having a great credit record will help with that so address the debt asap. 

enthusiasticsaver

There are a few diaries here with people splitting and @savingholmes is one and @MrsSave is another.  Both seem to be sorting it out amicably which is cheaper and easier all round as long as both parties are sensible.  Your ex wants to get his name off the mortgage so you have a bargaining tool in that if he stays amicable and helps you get to a point where the mortgage is affordable for you that is in his interests too. Getting his name off the mortgage is in your interests too and whereas he may think selling is the only option obviously the other one is that you take it over in just your name and that is cheaper and less disruptive for you and the children.  If there is little equity for you to fight over then it seems to me the debt is the issue here and if he helps you repay it then a mortgage offer will be easier for you to get in just your name. Building up a legal bill for thousands over very little equity and just the pensions makes no sense whatsoever. Only people getting rich are solicitors whether your current one or a new one.  

Tiredbutdetermined

He doesn’t respond to my messages so we can’t attempt the amicable route.

I am pretty sure the solicitors will be shut between Christmas and New Year but I will email on New Year’s Day ready for her to return. 

Bought my mum’s birthday pressie from Amazon so my future looks so much brighter now I have done my payment a day to my credit card of a whopping 1p!!!

stymied

Have you tried contacting him via your ex-friend? Whilst unpalatable it’s in her best interests to get this sorted out too. I have no legal knowledge so I hope someone can confirm if this could be a sensible route?

Tiredbutdetermined

stymied said:

Have you tried contacting him via your ex-friend? Whilst unpalatable it’s in her best interests to get this sorted out too. I have no legal knowledge so I hope someone can confirm if this could be a sensible route?

I don’t know if it would be. She was very much a user in the friendship and I spent a lot of time looking after one of her children when she didn’t want to and she had been sleeping with my husband for a year before it all came to light.
Sadly, it feels as though she is in his ear trying to get as much out of this and him as she can. She doesn’t like him seeing me and she doesn’t seem that keen on him seeing the kids either.
She has the wonderful air of a gold digger about her. We used to have 3/4 holidays to France a year camping but super frugal. I think she thought she had caught herself something useful rather than a man with a lot of debt and not many morals!

Short answer, no!

Honeysucklelou2

If you both complete your Form Es, mediation will probably be suggested as the next step. If mediation doesn’t work for whatever reason, be that breakdown in communication or non-compliance of one party, the mediator will issue a form that will allow court proceedings for a financial settlement to go ahead. Obviously it’s in everyone’s best interests to be able to mediate amicably because it saves time and money, but sometimes that isn’t possible.

You would remember filling out a Form E...it takes a lot of concentration, compiling of statements and evidence from pension providers and it’s one of those forms that is a huge relief when finished!!

Purplelady65

I’m sorry to hear about your situation. I don’t know anything about divorce or solicitors so unable to comment on those aspects. However it does seem to be costing a lot to sort it all out when there aren’t any assets or cash to split about from the husband’s £50k extra pension.  I’m surprised though that your solicitor is in favour of you selling up and then renting. If I was in your position I would be trying absolutely everything to keep the house. At least your payments are then going to paying off your mortgage rather than to a landlord. Plus renting brings with it lots of uncertainties around finding somewhere suitable close to schools, being given notice by your landlord if they decide to sell, cost of monthly rent increasing e.tc. which could end up being disruptive for you and your children. You have a really good income of £4K a month. I would explore with a mortgage broker what options are available to you. You may be better saving up a deposit and just paying the minimums off on your debts as I’m not sure there are many, if any, 100% mortgages out there atm. Good luck with it all. 

Suffolk_lass

enthusiasticsaver said:

There are a few diaries here with people splitting and @savingholmes is one and @MrsSave is another.  Both seem to be sorting it out amicably which is cheaper and easier all round as long as both parties are sensible.  Your ex wants to get his name off the mortgage so you have a bargaining tool in that if he stays amicable and helps you get to a point where the mortgage is affordable for you that is in his interests too. Getting his name off the mortgage is in your interests too and whereas he may think selling is the only option obviously the other one is that you take it over in just your name and that is cheaper and less disruptive for you and the children.  If there is little equity for you to fight over then it seems to me the debt is the issue here and if he helps you repay it then a mortgage offer will be easier for you to get in just your name. Building up a legal bill for thousands over very little equity and just the pensions makes no sense whatsoever. Only people getting rich are solicitors whether your current one or a new one.  

I think that poor @Watty1's experience including going to court and the aftermath are things you need to read. Look at 9th September and rad on for a bit at this link. 

Tiredbutdetermined

@Honeysucklelou2 I have done a load of short forms but definitely not the form E. I am now terrified that, without this, I am saving like a lunatic and he is racking up the debt with trips abroad and I will end up paying for it.
We did try mediation before solicitors but it broke down very early on and the mediator was scatty!

@Purplelady65 I don’t think
there are any 100% mortgages around anymore so I was thinking of working towards 90% but it seems 95% might be a possibility so that gives me a boost.

@Suffolk_lass That was scary reading




I have had a strop and picked myself back up. There is an identical house to our around the corner that was on the market for £7000 over the valuation I had for our house in May and is SSTC so I need to wait for the actual sale value to appear on the internet if it goes through. The garden is bigger than ours and it is in better general condition but that could help me squeeze a valuation higher and make my LTV ratio better sooner.

I have clearscore but signed up for the free Experian to try to get some money back from an app. It is infuriating that my clearscore rating is 1000/1000 and my Experian is 999/999. If my credit rating is so blinking marvellous why can’t I get a mortgage? 

Karonher

I can't add anything useful about solicitors, but wondered are there things you could sell? It could be things the ex wasted money on or just general items the children don't use anymore