My 2 year battle to try to keep our home

Tiredbutdetermined

I have had a crazy 2021. I thought it started well but it turns out I know nothing! My (soon to be ex-) husband had been having an affair with my daughter’s friends mum so I have been attempting to rock the single mum of 3 life since April.
Our finances were on a knife edge together and we lived slightly beyond our means. The slight means we have no exciting assets to show for it all. I now pay the mortgage alone and am trying to blast the debt.
He really isn’t the nicest of guys so he is costing me a fortune in solicitors fees battling over very little. 

Our house was in negative equity but my sole payments over the last 6 months have brought it is just about being even. My ex wants to come off the mortgage but our current provider (Heliodor, transferred from Northern Rock) have turned me down on affordability in May and again last week. I have asked for my case to be looked at by the underwriters and am waiting to hear but not holding out any hope.
The lack of equity in the house means I can’t use equity for a deposit on a new mortgage and I am torn between saving for a deposit on a new mortgage and failing affordability due to debts or paying debts so I pass affordability but having no deposit.
The above struggle now becomes harder as my ex husband and the solicitors want to impose a 2 year timescale for me to either take him off the mortgage and get it in my sole name or be forced to sell the house.
The 2 year timescale would see my twins then being in y11 and my younger son in y9. Our area is expensive for rent and properties of the right size for us rarely come in to the rental market and when they do they disappear quickly. I also worry I wouldn’t be attractive in a competitive rental market when I am tied into the sale of the house. Moving out of the area would mean the kids moving school at a less than ideal point in their education.

I think I need some advice after Christmas as to what my battle for the sole
mortgage strategy should be but I have been working hard on debts since my husband left. We had agreed a 2 month mortgage break when he stopped paying so I used that towards my debts (he also has debts but his are shorter term than mine).
I had £1608.04 owed to creation finance for a tv and the kids iPads. That is now paid.
My credit card had a balance of £3176.25 but I have brought that down to £501.61.

I have one loan with £5642.64 left and another with £7800.12 left. I also have my car on a PCP.

I have a side hustle but at the moment that money is used to pay my solicitors (badly! It is costing thousands and the bills rack up faster than I can side hustle!)

My income from the main job, side hustle, child benefits and child maintenance is just over £4000 and my mortgage is £1077 so very frustrating that I can and do pay it each month but don’t pass affordability.

My 2 year plan is to pay off the credit card as the balance is relatively low and it would be nice to have one less debt stacked against me then I think I need to save with the option of either using the money for a deposit on a new mortgage deal if I can get a 95% mortgage or pay off the smaller loan to improve affordability. 

I am so frustrated that I feel I could easily pay off all debts in 3-4years and get a mortgage with no real issues but the ex husband wants a 2 year timescale which he knows isn’t realistic so he can force me to sell. The house was in negative equity when he left so his only motivation is that he wants to be off the mortgage to get a mortgage with his girlfriend and her kids. It is frustrating when I know he is still overextending himself and isn’t working on reducing his debts so he probably won’t pass affordability or have a deposit in 2 years time either so he would be kicking me and the kids out of our home for none of us to gain anything!

I will pop my SOA on at some point but I have done a lot of stripping back already. I have nothing for me but still have Netflix and a low sky package so the kids don’t feel too angry with the ex for impacting on their lives! 

Me_v_The_Mortgage_Mountain

Hi @Tiredbutdetermined,

just read your post and wanted to give you some words of encouragement after having been in a similar position myself. 

My Ex announced he was leaving, out of the blue, about 4 years ago, he cleared the joint savings account and froze the current account without telling.  He was a waster and a spender and had no sense of responsibility, I had been keeping a roof over our heads for years, scrimping and saving to get by and then just as things were starting to get better and he finally had a well paid, full time job for the first time in years he decided to leave.  I was left with the house to run, DD to support and huge debts to repay, my credit rating was also in the dirt.  He too tried to make me sell the house but DD didn't want to move so I was determined to keep it.  I did a mixture of saving and repaying debts, throwing everything I could at it and my credit rating gradually recovered. The divorce dragged on and was finalised this time last year.  The offer I made 4 years ago to buy him out, an offer he kept rejecting, he finally accepted and the transfer of equity was completed on the final day of my mortgage offer.  My mortgage is the largest I've ever had and at the grade old age of 50 I was limited as to how long I could spread the repayments.  I've actually gone for an 5 year fixed interest only, however I'm lucky there is a lot of equity in the property, I know that unfortunately you aren't in that position, this does give me the comfort of knowing my repayments are very low and I am making huge overpayments each month, but if the worst should happen I can manage the interest only element easily.  I did have issues initially with affordability but get a good mortgage broker and they should be able to guide you through that, I simply extended the term for a couple more years than I would have originally liked.

Keep plugging away, get some advice.  I was close to quitting several times and often wondered if it was worth all of the effort, but it so is, to know that this is my home, for me and my daughter, and he no longer has any hold over it is absolutely amazing.

You will get there, you have a good salary and the advice and support from this forum will buoy you along.

Good luck

MvTMM

Four_Seasons

Wishing you all the very best, the folks on here will offer you loads of advice and encouragement, keep posting, enjoy xmas with your boys, sending you a big xmas hug x

Brie

Well done the two of you for your determination!!  

@Tiredbutdetermined = do you think you might benefit from posting a statement of accounts?  Some of the debt wise types here might have some ideas to help you along your way.

Stating the obvious - I'm hoping you have separated your finances as much as possible other than the mortgage.  His name off everything that you are able to be responsible for.  Obviously he should still be paying for you to run the house (a share of the mortgage plus all expenses to support the kids)

Strether2020

You've got so much to be proud of, @Tiredbutdetermined! What a year you've had. I'm so impressed by how you're confronting all this. It's great that you've started a diary on here - there are so many great people on here to cheer you on and give support as needed.

You've had so much thrown at you, and you're clearly determined to get things on track for you and your family. It sounds like a great plan to sort out the credit card ASAP - it will take a weight off your mind and give you a win to keep you motivated.

Hope you can take care of yourself over Christmas - you really deserve it after the year you've had! 

tacpot12

Paying of debts appears to offer a way out, as eventually you will pass the affordability criteria.

Tiredbutdetermined

My Ex announced he was leaving, out of the blue, about 4 years ago, he cleared the joint savings account and froze the current account without telling.  He was a waster and a spender and had no sense of responsibility, I had been keeping a roof over our heads for years, scrimping and saving to get by and then just as things were starting to get better and he finally had a well paid, full time job for the first time in years he decided to leave.  I was left with the house to run, DD to support and huge debts to repay, my credit rating was also in the dirt.  He too tried to make me sell the house but DD didn't want to move so I was determined to keep it.  I did a mixture of saving and repaying debts, throwing everything I could at it and my credit rating gradually recovered. The divorce dragged on and was finalised this time last year.  The offer I made 4 years ago to buy him out, an offer he kept rejecting, he finally accepted and the transfer of equity was completed on the final day of my mortgage offer.  My mortgage is the largest I've ever had and at the grade old age of 50 I was limited as to how long I could spread the repayments.  I've actually gone for an 5 year fixed interest only, however I'm lucky there is a lot of equity in the property, I know that unfortunately you aren't in that position, this does give me the comfort of knowing my repayments are very low and I am making huge overpayments each month, but if the worst should happen I can manage the interest only element easily.  I did have issues initially with affordability but get a good mortgage broker and they should be able to guide you through that, I simply extended the term for a couple more years than I would have originally liked.

Keep plugging away, get some advice.  I was close to quitting several times and often wondered if it was worth all of the effort, but it so is, to know that this is my home, for me and my daughter, and he no longer has any hold over it is absolutely amazing.

Thank you so much. It is comforting to read your story. My solicitor seems to think I would be better just walking away and selling the house in the hope the tiny bit of equity covers some of the fees but all 3 kids have lived here all their lives and I want them to have that consistency. I also want to be in the position to have pjs my debts, live within my means and then work on paying off the mortgage so they have something when I kick the bucket!

the situation wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for the threat of the timescale. I may be wrong but it feels very much as though he knows none of my debts would be due to be paid off by then and it is a way of controlling us. 

However, he has underestimated my determination and drive to change my finances. He might get his way but it won’t be without me having fought to know I have done everything in my power to keep the house.

Tiredbutdetermined

@Tiredbutdetermined = do you think you might benefit from posting a statement of accounts?  Some of the debt wise types here might have some ideas to help you along your way.

Stating the obvious - I'm hoping you have separated your finances as much as possible other than the mortgage.  His name off everything that you are able to be responsible for.  Obviously he should still be paying for you to run the house (a share of the mortgage plus all expenses to support the kids)

I will pop my SOA on after Christmas. It is very shaved back already as I have been working on the finances for months before I had the guts to post on here. There are still some bits to claw back but they impact on the kids not me so I have been reluctant.
I did the finances very early on so it is just the mortgage and I still pay for the joint life insurance. He pays child maintenance at just below the amount indicated by the CSA website but he doesn’t contribute to the mortgage or running of the house.

Tiredbutdetermined

Grarr! 

I keep trying to quote reply but have lost my post 3 times

fatbelly

It's not that easy for a sale to be forced in your circumstances

https://england.shelter.org.uk/professional_resources/legal/relationship_breakdown/housing_rights_of_married_joint_homeowners


You have protections under TOLATA 1996

Be careful what you agree to. Not sure I like the sound of your solicitor.

Honeysucklelou2

Hi @Tiredbutdetermined

Firstly a huge well done in reducing the credit card debt so much, that’s  great progress. My sympathies on the solicitor’s fees. I’ve spent thousands over the last couple of years. 

Hope you and your children have a peaceful Christmas...I found it helpful to make new traditions when I became a single parent, which have quickly become embedded - just simple things like croissants for breakfast.