My 2 year battle to try to keep our home

Honeysucklelou2

Does your legal practice sign up to something like Resolution? When I was looking around for a family law solicitor, I looked for practices who could show some sort of specialism on their advertising.

I agree with Suffolk lass on not cushioning the children too much. Looking back, I feel that I did do that with my children...I tried to be so careful in protecting them from the ugliness of the reasons for separation and the ensuing legal process but all that happened was he showed all his legal correspondence to our older children and they didn’t have the legal expertise or knowledge to understand how the process works. For all my protective stance, his actions did the opposite. I guess what I’m trying to say is that explaining the process in a basic and factual way would have helped my children and protected them from misinformation elsewhere - hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Tiredbutdetermined

Buffythedebtslayer said:

I don't know anything about divorce or children etc but I do know about renting, your solicitor is an idiot if she thinks renting is just the same as a mortgage and that you can easily slip in to a rental, it is rubbish trying to find somewhere decent to live that isn't a rip off and the owner won't suddenly decide to sell up from under you. Plus once you are on the renting path owning a house is tricky as  it all so expensive! Sorry I am sure you realise this - hence fighting for your house but if she doesn't then what hope is there?? You do have a right since you are paying fees to ask for what you want. She is supposed to work to get it, not have you end up in a !!!!!! situation. 

I honestly think you need a new solicitor. I would either ask friends? or more controversially ask on local group on FB? they are a mine of information, you might be able to post anonymously and people will recommend someone.   I wonder if there is anything from the Citizens Advice bureau, like a list of recommendations? for people near you? 

I am starting to feel much the same but have over a thousand pounds still to pay to the current solicitors on top of the thousands I have already paid. I think I need to go with a strongly worded email stating what I want and need. If she can’t support that then I need a new solicitor. I guess I am very alone in my situation so I think I have taken her suggestions to be reasoned and fair, which I truly don’t think they are.

I don’t know if I am confusing the situation by desperately wanting the mortgage in my own name too but I know I am not currently an attractive prospect to mortgage providers but in time I will be. I just don’t feel the 2 year time scale will be manageable but 3 years could be and 4 years certainly would be.

Buffythedebtslayer

Tiredbutdetermined said:

Buffythedebtslayer said:

I don't know anything about divorce or children etc but I do know about renting, your solicitor is an idiot if she thinks renting is just the same as a mortgage and that you can easily slip in to a rental, it is rubbish trying to find somewhere decent to live that isn't a rip off and the owner won't suddenly decide to sell up from under you. Plus once you are on the renting path owning a house is tricky as  it all so expensive! Sorry I am sure you realise this - hence fighting for your house but if she doesn't then what hope is there?? You do have a right since you are paying fees to ask for what you want. She is supposed to work to get it, not have you end up in a !!!!!! situation. 

I honestly think you need a new solicitor. I would either ask friends? or more controversially ask on local group on FB? they are a mine of information, you might be able to post anonymously and people will recommend someone.   I wonder if there is anything from the Citizens Advice bureau, like a list of recommendations? for people near you? 

I am starting to feel much the same but have over a thousand pounds still to pay to the current solicitors on top of the thousands I have already paid. I think I need to go with a strongly worded email stating what I want and need. If she can’t support that then I need a new solicitor. I guess I am very alone in my situation so I think I have taken her suggestions to be reasoned and fair, which I truly don’t think they are.

I don’t know if I am confusing the situation by desperately wanting the mortgage in my own name too but I know I am not currently an attractive prospect to mortgage providers but in time I will be. I just don’t feel the 2 year time scale will be manageable but 3 years could be and 4 years certainly would be.

The thing is we all do that - they are meant to be experts, we aren't. And no one goes into a marriage thinking well...when I get my divorce........Oh and now you are here you aren't alone XX 

Suffolk_lass

If you know some divorced friends they are a good place to start in respect of a decent divorce solicitor.

And please don't say that you don't care about his pension. Use it to trade off against equity in the house

fatbelly

Tiredbutdetermined said:

I don’t know if I am confusing the situation by desperately wanting the mortgage in my own name too but I know I am not currently an attractive prospect to mortgage providers but in time I will be. I just don’t feel the 2 year time scale will be manageable but 3 years could be and 4 years certainly would be.

Yes I think you are. Put it on the back burner for now.

fatbelly

Suffolk_lass said:

And please don't say that you don't care about his pension. Use it to trade off against equity in the house

I'm a debt specialist, not an expert in this kind of law. Burt that sounds like good advice to me

Tiredbutdetermined

Thanks.
There is no equity in the house to use the pension to play off. My ex is in debt too so a small lump sum that I could use to pay debt/deposit for a new mortgage isn’t an option either
I don’t care about having a slice of his pension but I know I can use it as a bargaining chip on the things that will make a difference to me/the kids. 

RosaBernicia

I'm glad to see some more knowledgeable people have commented as I thought from other threads on here that you have a right to stay in the house until the kids are older.  And having not been a homeowner all that long, I second Buffy re. renting. 

But mostly I just wanted to cheer you on and thank you for adding fudgestick to my vocabulary

Savingtomove

Don’t be scared to check your solicitor fees.  I used to ask for a billing break down to ensure I was getting value for money.  I wouldn’t ‘meet with the regularly’ for the sake of it only if there was correspondence.  Just to give you an idea I divorced 8 years ago and spent about £4,000 on a very nasty divorce.  He spend about £12,000 from what I understand by sending constant letters.  But they work for you and you give the instructions.

one of my letters just said.  My client declines your offer….nothing else as I was paying for them to repeat things.  To be fair the first solicitor who worked on my case was amazing!

you are doing all the right things keep going you got this!! 

I will be following and Cheering you on as I go! 

CRANKY40

The only thing I can see in favour of selling more quickly is that as others have said the longer you hold onto the property the more danger there is of building equity. Would there be any point having the house valued now and a mortgage statement printed at the same time to emphasise the lack of equity at the point that your ex left? I'm not sure....maybe someone else here would know.